Hi Guys,

I'm actually posting this from a shitty internet cafe as I don't have internet yet in my new flat.

Long story short.

If there are any divorced guys here they probably know the story well.


I'm just divorced (12 years with the ex) and 38 years old. She gave my my share of our house now I'm renting. It's a comfortable flat in a good area. Anyway, I've been here two weeks and I've been trying to build up a bit of a profile locally. Trying to talk to neigbours, having a drink in a few pubs, a coffeee here and there etc.


I'm a naturally reserved sort of bloke, but I'm making the effort to be friendly because everyone that knows me well always said they always though i was a bit aloof at the start, so I thought why make people think I'm aloof? It's amazing what a divorce and a new start can do to your train of thought.

Anyway there are a few girls that work in various bars/restaurants that have caught my eye. One in particular is a ten, about 30. I was chatting to her for 30 mins last saturday. Good to chat to women again. I wasn't hitting on her, just chatting normally, had a beer and then a guy that has seen my band play came in and said to her "this guy's a genius on the guitar" I said well "I'm not bad" finished my beer and said goodbye, saying I had something to do. (I learned that one here: false exit or something?).

There's also another that works in a cafe. She's italian (7). Have chatted to her a couple of times and she's asked me how I've been settling in etc. it's difficult assesing girls who work in pubs/cafe though.



Anyway, anyone got any more ideas for meeting women that doesn't necessarily revolve around the bar scene?

Ideas to meet women.

Go where there are a lot of people:

Parks: Do you like exercising. Women love jogging, so this could be a way to meet some of them.

Supermarkets: After 4:30pm, many women go to supermarkets to get their groceries.

Coffee Shops: Take your laptop/book, and go sit down for a couple of hours. Get to know the people who work there, and say hi to them every time you visit the place.

Bars: Go to bars with MALE bartenders and talk to them. Do not be homophobic if the bartenders end up being gay. Just go, get a drink, and ask them what's the best time to meet people there. Chat them up and tip them fairly well (nothing out of the ordinary). Bartenders can definitely help you out. Go at times when things are slow.

Hope it helps.

P.S. A false time constrain does not involved you leaving the place especially when a guy is giving you free social proof!! haha. Next time, stick around, be friendly with the stranger, and keep your cool.

_________________
Bansario IS BACK!!!

My hobby: www.megaboing.com
If you enjoy the reading, please "Like" it

Hey, I can empathize, I am in the same boat. My wife left me literarly the first weekend of April and I just signed my papers a few weeks ago. The courts in America, especially NYC, take a longer time than they should to process these things, so I guess technically I'm still married. Wow, I bought my place before I got married and has a prenup, so I, well, a Manhattan apt that was supposed to be set up for two and maybe a small child has become quite a nice bachelorpad! Sorry, I'm not trying to gloat just trying demonstrate that when you look at things positively, there sometimes not as bad as they seem.

I'm two years younger than you and I was with my wife for 6 1/2 years (married 2 1/2 of those). You'll have moments when you feel great, like your guitar wrap and moments when you'll feel like (who the hell am I? Why I am here? Is there a point?) As you know, your whole life plan just had a tire iron thrown into it, so it's time for new one. You won't figure it out right away (I sure as hell haven't), but you will.

You sound like your from London, I'm in NYC and I'm sure it's the same thing; they are great places to be in your mid to late 30's and single. The fact that your divorced makes you a commodity. It shows your not afraid of relationships and can be one. Guys our age, or moreso post 40 that never been in a serious relationship or married are in a MUCH worse situation; trust me, this I know, it creeps many women out. They think something is wrong with them and they're probably is.

My biggest pitfall is when I felt my identity was stripped, I didn't know who I was; like you, you said you talked to your friends and they said they felt you were kind of aloof (which is necessarily bad). I realized throughout my 30s I never made any new REAL friends. I found that bizarre, I never really thought about it when I was married. All my real friends were from, well, childhood, college or my adult 20s. You're going to see things like that in yourself, it will make you think a lot, just remember you have an identity. Whatever your next chapter is, will probably blow away your first one. You may not see it yet (I'm not sure I do), but it will happen.

It already sounds like your taking steps in the right direction. I came on this sight to simply remember what it was like to be single, like really single again and get that confi back.

I hear ya brother, sorry to rant a little, but I really do know what you're going through. I can assure you, the two of us are in much better places than our exes. NYC is brutal for women in their mid thirties and above (my ex is getting close to that), I have a feeling London is probably the same way.

We're in this together...with that said, I need to go meet one of the first chicks I banged after my wife left me for a drink - and maybe another later. (Today is one of the good days).

Go back for the 10 in the bar, she sounded like she was digging you!

-J.

bansario, cheers for the advice, especially the time constraint thing.

Stugots, sent you a PM:

Steve is the interwebz dating thing out of the question? Its an easy way to get back in the game and a great way to supplement your other activities..

Steve, I think he is saying on-line. That's how I actually got back into it, but I'm kind of over it. But you will definitely meet some chicks, and you will definitely bang some. My feeling was I was settling a little too much - but I definitley had some fun. It's too easy to discount someone (both ways) looking at a profile sometime. The girls also get like a gazillion emails from guys (most of them lying). I think you may have to put in more effort than its worth with some of them, but I'll let the experts chime in on that. However, with that said, I actually met a really cool Irish girl, very well traveled that I sarted to dig (I actually was luke warm about meeting her initially, I was pleasantly surprised). Unfortunately, for me, she starting getting more serious with her friend with bennies, but wanted to remain in contact and we still do....you never know.

I also met a girl who I'm meeting tonight that is cute, we've had some good dialogue and we're into a lot of the same stuff... who knows, maybe I'll even keep this one around for a little (assuming we gel).

However, and I'd like to here your thoughts, I'd like to get back into the old school, the real way of getting the wrap going again; I just think it's great for confidence on all sorts of levels...but yes, I know it feels a little weird some time just chatting people up - when I was in my 20s' and an idiot...I didn't frigin care and I'm sure I made an ass out of myself most of the time.

Anyway...thanks for the PM and likewise brother!

J.

No I mostly agree with you. I had a lot of success on the interwebz in-line computer Turing device but I found myself humping a bunch of 6's and 7's when I thought I deserved some 8+'s and maybe a special girl to call my own, at least for a few months until i got bored of her per usual.

However my success in day and night game has a relative low yield vs. effort so it looks like ill be back to supplementing my live game and back to the good old Von Nuemen illuminated adding machine until my PUA skills cant surfeit my sex drive without the online crutch.

I'm glad to hear someone having the same experiences, well, not glad, more relieved to see I'm not the only one...yeah, the same thing...or worse, you don't hump the 6 or 7 and/or she wants you to put in the work, i.e. dating, for what? That one I posted before, who I thought might be"ok", she was a cool chick; I'd definitely hang and ski with her, but I have a feeling those pics were a little older, i.e. she was rathet younger, than what she really looks now..now terrible...but you now the drill.

S,

ya they try to trick you with those pics on occasion but it hasnt been too bad.

Now I cant help you with the date part in short form but if you PM me ill give you a short, full proof way to generate a good online profile, and send a good email that gets a lot of responses. Not stuff that I made up btw, but good stuff. Thats if you wan to do the online thing again