Hi guys,

I have a problem and I'd really appreciate some suggestions or comments about it. I always have this problem where I can't keep people's attention for too long. I seem to get them bored and they stop paying attention or seem to have the need to get rid of me... I'm not quite sure what the problem is... maybe my conversations are boring.

I'm not a shy person in the way that I don't have much problems approaching people I don't know... but it's kind of hard for me to hold people's attention.

I have a couple of theories about this:

1. even though my voice is not low, but I suspect the tone doesn't convey confidence. I'm not sure how to fix this.

2. even though I usually have great ideas, quite witty sometimes (friends love my witty and funny ideas and comments) but I'm not quick enough when it comes to give answers right away, I mean, if somebody says something I come up with some funny response quite late, not at the right moment. I'm not sure either how to fix this.

3. when I'm around new people I usually get a bit nervous and I can't find the right words. I basically stumble over my words.

I think all my problems are the way I talk or what I say... I'm a normal guy physically-wise, I mean, I'm not ugly, so I don't think the problem is my appearance at all...

Like I said, I'd really appreciate suggestions/comments/advises about how to fix these issues.

Thanks a lot
Franek

I am the same way! Around my friends/family, I can have the whole room in tears from a joke or a funny story, but it's hard to convey that level of confidence to a stranger or a group of strangers.

I don't feel any less confident around new people, but I think subconsciously I am, which is why there's an underlying restraint on being 100% myself, because I think I feel like it might be too much, or I'll come across as annoying or something.

But anyway, you seem very similar to myself, so maybe this will help you:

On the subject of you having "boring" conversations, try to steer the conversation into something the stranger wants to talk about. Give more questions than answers, you know. Especially with women, if you talk too much about yourself, they feel like they know all there is to know. Less mystery. And besides, women love to talk, so giving the conversation to them is always a good thing, and you don't have to think of as many things to say when a woman is talking. She usually just wants you to listen.

Now if you're trying to just make more friends (not restricted to women), it always helps to have someone with you that you already are comfortable with. That way, you can basically just have a normal conversation with that person, and simply include the stranger(s) in it. This way, you don't have to fit in with the stranger. They have to fit in with you. Much less pressure this way.

Apart from these suggestions, I would suggest going to a mall or a random public place by yourself and just trying to talk to complete strangers. Short talks (like saying "hello, how are you?" or ask their opinion on something like a restaurant you were thinking of visiting). This will help you get more comfortable with talking to people you don't know, and you won't stumble over yourself as much.

Hope that helps!

It's all in your head. Your problem is that you still care what others think of you. You feel like you need approval for your actions. Well: you don't.
If that stupid idea gets out of your head you won't feel the need to think about what you're about to say. You simply say it.
Stumblig and bumbling is a straight exit out of your set. Remain calm.