Please...PLEASE help me out here if you can. I am terrified of what's happening. T_T

I met this girl I really liked, introduced myself, dated her, then got her to sleep over on day 2.
I don't mean to get graphic, but when thinking about her, I start to get an erection.
When kissing her, I will get an erection. Then it all goes bad.

I've been with 5 girls ever, and not once has a girl made me finish. If I get a hand job, I just feel like she's doing it because she feels she has to to be fair and doesn't know what she's doing. I don't come close to finishing, and eventually go soft.
If its a good ol' BJ, same thing. As much as I want it while making out, when these things (hand job and bj) come to play I suddenly cant finish...I have no idea why. It is really freaking me out and I feel sick even now, just thinking about my problem.

I have no problem finishing on my own. I do it probably 2-3 times a week.
Then when it counts, I cant do it.
Sex is even worse....god. I hear her say "I want you inside me" and immediately get hard. Then, I go get a condom, put it on, and start to be 70% erect only.
I cant even get it in, because im not fully hard.

It is worrying me big time I started thinking during kissing her "Am I gay? Am I actually gay? Is that where this is fucking going?" and it makes it again, even worse. I don't want to do anything but sleep then.

I've read about "performance anxiety", and I don't know if i have that because I don't feel properly nervous when I'm in such a scenario. I stress a little bit, but not to the point that is described in the definition of the disorder, which is "Extreme anxiety".

I know I like girls, and always want to kiss, foreplay, and (in my head) bang them. But I just cant do it.
I'm starting to worry that maybe I don't have a real attraction to girls, and that the attraction I have must be "fake" due to thinking its societies norms or some shit like that.

One other thing which is worth noting, is that I don't get aroused by thinking or looking at a vagina (unless its a hot kind of picture, but never just on its own.). For example, if i'm next to a girl in bed and I look at her vagina, I wont get aroused. I will if I touch her there, but the thought on its own or looking at it will not excite me at all. Is that normal? It only actually excites me if I've gotten her wet or I can see it through her panties...I know, i'm messed up. It's as if only specific things work.

I understand I sound like a psycho, lol. But please, please help me if you can. If I don't sort this problem I'm afraid I will never ever try to get a girl in bed again.

Note: I'm even questioning if I'm erect enough at all when doing it. When I'm with this girl, I'm easily hard, but not maximum hardness. As in, I don't feel as if I NEED to put it in her to relieve my desire, its just more of a "I feel turned on right now, I'd like to eventually tonight screw this girl" thought. Is this normal as well? Or does it sound like I have no libido?

Maybe you are just getting bad handjobs and blowjobs? With me putting a condom on always makes me lose my boner. Have you ever had sex? If yes try without condoms (make sure she is clean and on the pill of course).

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just because my name is safety doesn't mean i like condoms

I know this. I don't know the solution because the problem just solved itself somehow. With my ex we had sex 2 times and I couldn't finish once. But it was really slow because she was a virgin so I wanted to believe it was because of that. Now with my current LTR I had a 4 hours long hard core sex marathon for the first time and I didn't cum. But I thought: "Hey I drank a half bottle of vodka and had condoms on so just relax." Next time we were doing it for 2 hours still not cuming. (No condom this time...Turns out she's on pills) I started worrying... But for the third time I came after like 3 minutes. From that point on it's almost always the same procedure: We do foreplay, I put it in or she makes me cum with hands/oral and after I fast finish we cuddle a little and in a few minutes I go hard again and we can get to the real shit So don't worry about this just try to focus on the moment and don't worry so much. Another thing is... stop masturbating. It is generally not a problem but if you have issues like this I strongly recommend you to stop it. And if the problem persists see a professional!

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What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

Alright guys thanks a lot, I feel a little better at least knowing I'm not the only one

Is it normal though to not feel desperate for sex while making out?
While making out I feel desperate for more making out and foreplay...not really sex.
I have a feeling this is because I've started to worry too much about sex due to not being able to finish.

And yes Safety, I have had sex, how else would I know about me having this problem haha

I never feel desperate for sex. It is normal. And I love foreplay. I don't have much experience with one-night stands but in a LTR I need foreplay. It sets both of us in the mood. And you can have lots of fun during the foreplay like licking whipped cream from each other's body for example. And it is even more satisfying to put my stone-hard cock inside her after some messing around Sometimes I don't even feel like putting it in up until a point when in some cuddling position my cock gets close to the goal... This sometimes goes to a point when she has enough and just grabs my dick and puts it inside her. Of course I don't stop her... when she did it for the first time I found out that it turned me on like hell But you may be right. The reason behind you not really deserving sex might come from this fear of not being able to finish. Think about this: your cock was designed to impregnate women. Of course you don't really want to impregnate one(at least, not yet I assume ) but you do want to put it inside her. You want to, that's for sure because you said you got a boner from thinking about it. An odd misbelief I see here is you think that she just does you a favour with giving you BJs and letting you bang her. That's not the case. She's enjoying it at least as well as you do. I assume you like fingering girls and licking pussy why would you think they don't like playing with your penis? And for the sex part the joy is really imbalanced to the women side...that's a fact. Just relax and concentrate on all the good feelings those little bastard neurons send to your brain while your penis is being rubbed hard by a women's hand/mouth/pussy. Also...condoms are really uncomfy and there are some brands(like durex safe) which can make even me unable to come at all. Just find a girl and make sure she's clean and on pills. (Btw my #1 reason for not doing one night stands is that I hate condom but wouldn't ever go without one in that case...) I also don't know about your age but in younger people various uncomfortable disorders are very common but also are mostly cured by just experience, positive attitude, and with choosing proper partners. Good luck mate!

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What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

Fisher, thanks heaps man.
Really needed that pep talk

maybe you actually don't like women?

it could be that you may not be fully atracted to the girl. Maybe game a few others and sleep with them and see how that goes. It has probably become too much of a big thing now and it will stick with you when you are with her. Get with some different girls.

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mr lover lover

This might sound a bit mad but try fucking a dude then you will realize how gay you are not!

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hot fat and sweaty

This is not the kind of attitude that I'm used to on this forum and I'm speaking in your
interest to make you aware that this is uncommon here. I'm not in charge to do anything about you but people may notice and might not be so tolerant as I am. If he gets a boner from thinking about banging women that should not be a sign of him being gay or asexual. The fact he can't finish is most likely some temporary disfunction/disorder and can be treated by himself or if very unlucky with professional assistance.

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What I like in life is nothing more but living it.

you dont realize how many people have problems. it is nice to know that people are not alone though

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mr lover lover

Alright thanks a lot guys, except for rastafaran(?) all responses helped me out a bit.
And I spoke to my cousin, who is also my wingman about this - he and his close friend also experience it quite often (probably because all of us have recently started f-closing only this year). Feeling MUCH better, such a load off my chest. Thanks a bunch, really appreciate it haha

hey Jesher did you try fucking a dude then?

yea Mike i did, it was your Dad! lol

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hot fat and sweaty

I think MynameisFisher is Right on track there!

FIRST THINGS FIRST Your not gay...

What I think I could be is where I have the feeling that you, like I am also, need to be turned on also to have sex... this Is a good thing I find it means that it would make it harder for you to get pussy whipped or anything like that.

But it seems that your problem lies in you want to feel like she is attracted to you... you want to see her giving you a Blowjob with wanting lips not just 'a blowjob' you want her wet for you before you enter her... you want her to want to suck your cock.. you want the moaning and the sexy smell... you want the effort to be mutual...

So how do you fix this?

I dunno exactly but I'm gearing towards maybe making her more sexually attracted to you... the classic push aways... tell her that's all she gets and so on... tease her make her want more... the 'no no no no I'm not that easy'...

It maybe that lil extra work that would make her go from wanting to have sex with you to wanting to have your COCK in Her MOUTH right NOW... In turn making you want to how you say 'BANG HER RIGHT THERE, CUMMING LIKE A FUCKIN FOUNTIAN'

Sorry about the language...

What do you guys think?

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- In the Pursuit of Awesomeness -