well we were to meet for a coffee today (agreed 3 days ago, was going to be 1st "date" with her), she doesn't come/call, i call twice, then she sends a text 30 mins later:

"I'm sorry, i forgot, just woke up, because so much has changed, because my friend (girl) got sick (WTF, are you f.... doctor or nurse?), and i came back to ... (nearby town, where her grandpas live and she spent x-mas, parents were away) at night, coz a friend (guy) gave me a ride, i hope you can forgive me"

original text was without the brackets

i didn't respond, but generally didn't expect such shit from her (a "good girl" from a very religious family, "daddy's girl"). the text is also SO MUCH loaded with bullshit imo (or so real but stupid as well) :O shall i completely ignore her, or cooler for a few days, and WAIT, and only accept anything if she tries hard to make up for what she did, or i text back, that i ain't a devil, and it ain't hard to forgive, but without being respected i don't see any reason for us to meet again + she should ve called instead of txting.

really it's so incredibly childish that i got confused what to do now my sister voted for option 1: "IGNORE, move on"

and sorry for my english, i'm from europe and i'm not a native english speaker.

well you should have responded like it wasnt a big deal, it would have been her turn to suggest something else. but its too late for that because you didnt react at all and now seem pissed.

you have two options: 1) either forget about her and move on or 2) give it a try by getting in touch after a while again without any reference to what happened earlier

I feel you bud. Along with you, everyone on this forum and I, have also been through this at least once.

Never take it personal. Girls flake. It's just what they do. Whenever I have plans with a girl, I dont cancel any other plans for that night until I physically SEE her there waiting for me.

Her background does not matter. She isn't "different" from anything else with a vagina. Even you smelled the bullshit emanating from that text. With everything I said, dont take it personal. I also have a hard time swallowing her story but it doesn't matter, it only matters when you let it. When girls do this shit (And they will, even your future wife will do this while your dating), let it roll off of your shoulder like the flea this problem is.

There's some thing YOU need to do also for future reference. You said you made plans for this three days ago? Did you call or text her the day this was supposed to take place or did you simply show up when you were supposed to? That's mistake one. Dont put any faith in her hands to show up. Guide her that way you would a child and remind her what day it is.

Also, this is just my personal method, im always late for a date. I want to make HER wait. Make HER wonder if you'll show, I dont show up for the venue or whatever till she tells me she's there waiting for me. That's a better alternative than showing up early/ontime and twiddling your thumbs and waiting around.

When a girl sends you a heaping wad of turd that was that excuse, dont flip out and call her names. That's counter-productive to what you want. BUT, dont be afraid to tell her how inconsiderate it was of her OR how she could have went about it better. (In a calm and collect tone).You took time to see her and spend your valuable time to see her. She fucked up, let her know. Dont end the discussion on bad terms, speak your peace and tell her, "Maybe next time" From then on, you simply FREEZE her. She's already screwed herself up in your eyes and it's her job to work her way back up.

Dont sweat the details of whether she's gonna call or text. Women hate conflict, regardless if they started it or not. They're gonna 9/10 times take the easy way out and just send you a text that spewed from their asshole.

Notice im hard on women...but im fair. In the case that what she texted was REAL, you didn't forever close that door, but you let her know that she fucked up. Let her know you will TELL her when she does, but always leave it open ended for her to get back to you. Getting over-reactive and banning her from your life is AFC-classic.

"Getting over-reactive and banning her from your life is AFC-classic." - sad but true.
If i screwed up this time, then i hope i'll learn from this mistake. It was like 2 hours ago, so i still did send a txt (that's translation, coz as i said, it wasn't in english):

"Well it was incosiderate (rude) and you could have set up an alarm, use callendar or whatever on your phone. You screwed up (in a polite way). Your loss. However i don't like to hold grudges and of course i am able to forgive. Maybe next time."

that text was a complete catastrophe.

next time you talk to her act like nothing bothered you, but don't act too interested in her, If she sends you IOI's tell her she owes you a day out for skipping coffee and that she should treat since you treated her the first time.

lol.. agreed.




uhm.. .why would you even THINK about getting off your ass to meet some chick you barely know for a date set up three days ago without talking to her in between and especially the day of... ?

you shoulda known before going to meet her that she wasnt gonna show..
dont ever just show up somewhere.. text her before and if she isnt responding there is a good chance she isn't gonna show.

as for the reason she bailed... could be any numbre of reasons, from your pick up initially to her state of mind that day or this month, or your phone?text game.. who knows.

but yah as everyone said...being unaffected is the best way to respond to almost all situations in this world where you'd normally be pissed about..... always be unaffected.

Quick question - you say stay unaffected and Im usually kinda placid in situation, I dont show much emotion when im pissed off etc, however how is this girl gonna know the boundaries if he doesnt mention it? How is this girl going to know that this guy cannot be controlled?

being unaffected, saying "cool. some other time. laters"

sending a message clearly saying "i will not stand for this.. that was rude.. i deserve better... im not happy with you.... that hurt.... you bitch"

anything like that shows that you ARE being controlled. SHE made you pissed.
also... dont you have anything better to do? shes like "whoa... i meant that much?!. where ur mad?. i dont even know you?" also.... if youre this easily angered... what are you like as a bf...ew.. run... " etc...

yes establishing boundaries is good....buuuut
establish boundaries when you have some kind of a relationship to establish boundaries in..... its a FIRST coffee date ... he showed up without a same day confirmation. he clearly had stock in this.. she clearly didnt really give a shit... not on the same page... from her perspective of him even showing up without confirming make him look like kind of a loser. and to be upset about it is even worse. though hes probably more upset that he wasted his time going then her not showing... hence.. confirm the day of.. duh..

my gf is a waitress/bartender... if im pickin her up and she says shes done at 11:30... ill still text her around 11 and see if shes gonna be ready by then... she has to stay late all the time.. or sometimes gets off early.. why would i go there and wait for her. Someone i KNOW well i still confirm with. show up for a date with a new person that was made three days ago is rough... even the night before.. in fact id usually say "hey you..got caught up at the office for a bit. can we do half hour later instead?" rather than "you still good for today" which seems needier.

outside of that if SHE suggested a retry.. he can say "sure.... but if you fall asleep this time im gonna put gum in your hair....lol but seriously...rescheduling for the sake of rescheduling is boring. make sure you can make it, k."

I personally think that text was a bad move. I'm all for setting boundaries in a relationship, but this is a first date, you don't set boundaries then or you just seem like a jerk.

You're a cool guy. You have other friends, other things to do. She didn't meet you, so what? You had a great time doing something else, you're unaffected by it.

~Deebo

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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Valid inquiry. You do need to set boundries in all interactions however this is way too early to be establishing this sort of boundry. you need some sort of rapport and solid attraction to make the girl respond to your frame of proper behaviour.

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Hank Moody: Life is too short to dance with fat girls.

I'm in agreement with your sister.

Though, don't make a conscious effort to ignore her, just do your own thing. She's just another woman, in just another place. You will find plenty of those.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "