warning: this story is god damn long and forgive the crap english

Used to read this forum all the time about 3-4 years ago (cant remember old login details). Anyway my story is I ended up dating a 9/10 for the past few years and broke up last month with her. I've had another chick friend that i've known for about 5 years, liked each other when we first met but she had bf, then when she broke up with him I was with my gf. Now since breaking up with my gf this is the first time we've known each other we have both been single.

After breaking up with my gf last month I started spending time with her and for the past 2-3 months we email each other like every day while at work. She wanted to have after work drinks once a week with me and she told me she couldnt stop thinking about me (jokingly) since we had first hang out since I broke up with my gf. She would always want me to talk to her and if I said bye she would say talk soon etc.. She has also told me she loves me for the past year or so (as friends).

Anyway, was going well, liked this chick for ages and we have drinks for the 3rd time and I tell her if she asked me out tomorrow I would probably say yes, she says if I asked her out she would say yes then adds dont be offended the only thing that would put me off is if we broke up I would be left devasted. Also adds that she's been thinking about if we could date for the past month (which was even before I broke up with my gf) I was like "with the greatest risks comes the greatest rewards". Anyway start getting texts later that night saying she should have kissed me all those years ago (only ever been out dancing etc.. once when she had a bf and she ditched me because I held her hand then she ran into her bf and felt guilty).

Anyway this is where I start to really stuff up. Go into her work the next day to get some business cards, no biggie. Then the day after I go drinking and send her a text telling her she is prime drunk text material for later in the night, she says not to (I've been in a long term, remember I'm useless as piss at the moment). I do anyway at like 1am, she responds and we talk for about 30 minutes then she says she is off to bed, I send one more text saying that "ive always wished you kissed me all those years ago".

Next morning I get a text saying I cant say stuff like that were different people now and im on the rebound. Im still a bit drunk and panic and send a bunch of texts saying I wont speak to her anymore if she doesnt want to (god damn I turned into a little girl, confidence has been shot since breaking up with gf). I tried calling twice, no answer. Get a text saying she isnt ignoring me, was just in shower, it's all good and not to worry everything is fine. Later that night I get a bit emo and send her a huge email saying I have been thinking about her romantically etc.. and possibly dating her but I didnt want to ruin our friendship (so beta of me) but I care for her (i want to punch myself right now). Get an email back the next day saying thanks, we'll always be friends, your a good guy. Im still emo tell her i wont talk to her anymore, and if its awkward ill leave her alone..... failing some more

Now after sending this email I snap the hell out of it and I'm like SHIIIT SON. send a text saying ignore me and send an email saying ignore that im back to my oldself etc.. At this point she's already seen it and responded with that she's been getting all of this attention from me all of a sudden, im on the rebound, she doesnt want to be my rebound from my exgf, she's been one before, it isnt fair and she deserves better and it's not awkward and can we go back to how it was before.

Anyway, since then I've probably been texting/emailing her a bit too much and I feel her interest in me is starting to wane. She invited me out for drinks last week then cancelled cause she had to work late and said lets make it this week, she hasnt mentioned it again. Plus her responses are starting to become delayed and shorter, plus she is starting to ignore some of my emails and texts.

Need to back off hard I know but I can't completly cut her off (she would notice, got 5 years of friendship here as well) but I need to back off to have a chance with her in the future. Anyone got any advice for a tard and any insight into what is going through her head. 5 years of being a champ with her and Ive fucked it all in 4 weeks.

Long term relationships blow your skills hard.