I'm french so my english will not be perfect
Quote:
You need to get out of your own head, and focus on something else.
Sorry but this won't work. I get the same problem as Centurion, and when a paranoid-idea catch you it's impossible to get ride of them. And the more intense the idea, the more intense is the ball in the stomach. The more intense the ball, the more intense the idea. Vicious circle. But i was able to diminish it with Jungian psychologie stuff. So by active imagination and interpret my dream i was able to really understand what the problem is. Every people on this topic see it, and said what was your problem. But it's just sentence, it will not work, you have to get it in your inconscious. And active imagination is perfect for this. You sit down, close your eyes, empty your mind, or ask something as "why i'm so paranoid" and something should appear, an inner movie. If it's a character, go speak to him, ask him why i did this etc. I know it's weird shit, but this is the inconscious.
Don't get me wrong, the paranoid-idea and the ball in the stomach are still here, but they are less strong and i can get ride easily of them.
If it can help, i can explain my situation and what i understood by going in my inconscious.
I'm with my girlfriend for 7 month, everything is fine, she never refuse sex, always asking me for seeing me (i never ask because of the paranoia, i know if i'm calm and she say no the paranoia will be back), communicaton is alright and i try as much as i can to hide my paranoia for not fucking up with here like i did with my ex. (when i'm in a paranoia phase, i became manipulative, arrogant, don't care about what she thinks etc etc). But even if everything is fine, i can't get out of my head the idea she will cheat, or losing interest in me. I wake up the morning thinking that she wake up near someone else, i enter in the toilet of the college convincing that i will heard someone saying "oh last night i fuck "my girlfriend" etc etc. Yeah i'm pretty mess up.
So i couldn't stand this situation, and decide to dive into my inconscious through active imagination.
I will have to explain quickly Jungian psy in order to understand. The psyché of a man or a woman is composed of things that Jung call Archetype. Archetypes are structure of behavour. It's structure that will determine some kind of thought, habits or behaviour. For example one the main archetypes is the Shadow, our witch have all the bad and good things of you our character that you didn't aknowledge. When you suddently get mad at someone it 's certainly that an archetype had been studd in your psyché. The problem is that you don't have control of them (they are part of yourself that you don't know) until you didn't aknowlegde them. They are autonomus.
So if we get back on the subject, on paranoia, certainly something in your psyché want to be know and send you a kind of call which will be express through paranoia.
For myself there was différent thing which cause those paranoid thought :
First thought : She will cheat on you
The principal one : It was produce by a part of the Shadow archetype.
What he was saying to me was at first : "I want you to not trust anyone in order for you to do everything you want, fuck all women, be free etc etc"
(so in some way, i was projecting my own infidelity on my girlfriends)
It was the first step. The more i interact with this Shadow figure, the more i understood is message. It wasn't "do what you want" but "do what you really want, don't bet your life on someone, in some way you can't trust them, not because we can't trust people, but because everything change in this world, and have to change, it's only by developping your true self that "
you will be okay
I didn't know that "i bet on someone else to make my life better" i always thinking of myself as someone independant. But deep inside it wasn't the case? i was betting on someone else, this is why relationship were so important to me. And it's always this deep inside that will decide your interaction with the world. Change it and you change how the world will react to you. Acknowlede this was the first step, the second one was to put this into practice.
Second part, also a Shadow figure, the paranoia thought associated to it was :
"She will leave me for a man which is stronger than me"
I'm not a physical strong man, i'm a pretty guy and can get woman without worrying about my muscle. Oh and "virility = muscle is a fucked up idea".
But even if i attract woman, i'm always worrying about this stupid idea about virility. It was juste another part of myself, who want to have a good body shape etc etc.
The third one was my anima, also link to the thought of "she will cheat on you". The anima is in some way the soul, and is always a woman in your dream. The image of your anima will determine which women will you attract, or what kind of thought you will have about women. And my anima, was just... a slut. Fucking always for an ego boost and i project it on my girlfriends. The thing is, i was the one working like this, this is what i do with other woman, and certainly why i couldn't have meaningfull conversation.
Fourht : Fear of abandon, since childhood etc etc. With those stuff, the ball decrease, a lot, and also the thought.
Perhaps, in this there is something of you. I hope it helps.
If i have to recommend book, i would said those two one :
Encounters With the Soul: Active Imagination As Developed by C.G. Jung by Barbara Hannah
and
Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth
Robert A. Johnson
Read them, if you try to do AI and that you want to go deeper. It could be dangerous.
And if i have to give non jungian advice :
-Don't listen to psy-evolutionnist, human can and want to beat there biological side. Human are not just genetic programmation. And the gene only code for a response in the neuronal system, the will can be here to accept or stop this response.
-Don't listen evo-psych on woman psychologie (keep just those on attracting woman in the initial phase). all things saying that woman want multiple cocks, or lyers, always looking for an alpha male, or a good dad; is shit or based on woman who don't need your interest.
Alpha male don't exist, people which seem to us Alpha male don't attract because they are "predator" "got good gene etc etc". Girl like "Alpha male" because they are fun, interesting and got great communication skill. That is all.
There is just three things you have to understand :
-As Lodewijkp trust your guts (but paranoia is not guts)
-Be yourself (and not the usually thing we ear by this expression, trully be yourself, which implic getting ride of all the excuse and the rationnalysation of the ego does. It's an endlessly process but you will gain something great for your life.
(For example, (for the it's not be easy), i'm a student in philosophie, and for some month i was feeling block in these study, couldn't advance, didn't have anymore interest. Usually i present myself like a student in philosophie, which mean that i identifi my ego with "student in philo" , until a learn that if i choose philo, it was just because i wanted to survice in this world, and if i wasn't a strong physical man (but also psychological at that time) well i will choose an intellectuel way in order to survive. In other word, it was a defense mechanism against the world.The intellect was for me something i use to defend myself against people and the world.
To be yourself is to get ride of all those defense you put in place.
-In a relationship, i thinks it's from Lodewijkp too, but it really helps and it's true : Always assume that if you think something about your relationship, your girlfriend think the same (only when you have an healthy mind)
It's long, i really hope you understand what i say and that it will help you
CHAT