ONE-ITIS—noun: 1. an obsession with a girl whom one is not dating; pickup artists believe that such an extreme fixation on one woman significantly lowers a man's chances of dating or sleeping with her. 2. a girl with whom one is obsessed.

You've gone over and above for this one bartender. Now it looks like you may suffer from chronic oneitis based on the other post.

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OK, now go look up "obsession." A couple nights having a couple drinks at a bar is a far, FAR cry from obsession. That's my point here, you guys see even a little effort and start screaming "oneitis." I'm not crying over this girl, I drove 5 minutes to her bar 3 times total and had a few drinks over a total of 4-5 hours. Would have spent even less time on it if I hadn't run into other people I know and hung out with them.

I'm more obsessed with weightlifting these days, and I'm struggling not to skip today's workout! (Gotta be at the gym in 26 minutes. )

Not reading everything now, but your first idea was better in my book than what you actually did.

Your first idea was very casual and not "trying". Next you started trying and wanting more. It was nervous and a bit panicky. The text that you had in mind would have allowed you to text anything after.

So stick to your first idea, perhaps. Don't try to make it more. It was enough. So now you need to de-nerve this, I think. Go there for drinks some time, but don't make anything of it. Don't even need to talk much to her. Just leave when you are done.

Then she might say (over text) it was nice to see you again, but why didn't you talk much to me, or whatever.

Then you can just say what's true.

Then she'll be like "aww, I'm sorry, I don't want to put you off. Want to go out for drinks some time?"

In that sense, this is rather easy. Denerve it by not wanting her and not doing anything special. Entirely casual, cause that's what she likes in a guy right now.

Just my 2c.

Onoma, are you here to prove the guys you're asking advice from wrong and proving yourself right?

In business environments, you gotta learn to listen to the experts especially when you're doing poorly on the situation you're asking advice on. Make up your mind. Are you here to engage in debates or are you here to learn how to get good with women?

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

OP, If you're that assertive to defend whether you have oneitis, be that assertive in real life and dont waste 3 trips to ask for a woman's number. Guys be killing with this shit where they stand up for themselves on a forum, yet with women in real life they pussyfoot around. At least be that assertive with your dating life.

Ok, you do this with every girl. Whether its obsession or being a pussy to show interest and make a move, its a problem. You really expect people to read that you went to a bar 3 times for a chick and think thats not a problem? Instead of defending whether it fits the definition of one itis, your reply should have been, yeah i need to stop doing that shit. You say you just want to learn from this, well, if that was the case you wouldnt have 2 threads on a specific girl. You'd have a thread asking how you can make a move on CHICKS faster and not pussyfoot around. See, thats what makes most threads here come from oneitis. Guys are asking how to make things work with a SPECIFIC chick, instead of what they should do differently with other chicks.

I admit I get drawn into internet debates easily, and sorry but the whole oneitis thing bugs me. It's thrown around so much it's losing all meaning imho.

One good thing did come from the debate though, it revealed a pattern that I need to work on changing.
I don't ask that question because I don't think it's answerable by you guys. Or, at least, I suspect you'll all say a lot of things I already know I _should_ do, like "be more assertive" or "man up and just do it" or "do 10000 more approaches so you get used to it and build your skills."

Also I tend to learn better when I'm focusing on a "task" like implementing a piece of functionality or getting a specific girl or what I did wrong with a specific girl. I find it harder to learn from "general" cases for some reason.

Besides I just realized that last night.

Apology accepted

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I wanted to address this again, because I'm probably more obsessed with being right than I ever was with that girl.

In business environments, you've also got to watch out for groupthink. No one mentioned oneitis until Dragula, who mentioned after I'd already stated I was moving on from that girl and just wanted to learn from it.

Once Dragula brought it up several others commented to back him up, including JackZero who had previously advised me to put in even more effort... an apparent 180 degree turn in his thinking!

This reminds me of my new job, where the higher level experts think the mainframe is so great and you can get in trouble if you question that too much. Never mind how much extra effort it's causing us...

Of course, there I don't say anything... maybe I'm more invested in this place.

Think about what you are saying. My advice was putting other women in the picture. Using one girl to get many and possibly many to get one. You went into how you didn't like that bar and only went there for her and now you won't be going because she rejected you.

If she would have responded that she was busy because of her job, without talking about not being ready to date again, but she wants you to come back to see her and have a drink...I'm betting that you would have made time to go there.

I didn't do a 180 in my thinking...your response is what made me think oneitis (which I said before Dragula).

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Lolz You're still obsessed with being right.

A normal person would just say 'Let's agree to disagree' and move on with their life as opposed to defiantly trying to be right.

I predict you will do the same to this post too.

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

I never said I was normal.

The question is, why do you think you're doing anything different?

Because I got a big willy

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

We'll have to agree to disagree.

Haha, what are you going on a bout really.

Group think = Common experience

To put it bluntly, this forum has two groups: Group A which gets laid on the regular and Group B which does not.

Group A members may sometimes disagree and yet they will agree on a lot of things. Group B members think and act (or do not act) a certain way which essentially does not get them laid.

You're getting a diagnosis that most of the regulars here agree upon. This is to help you auto-correct. It's a bitter pill to swallow but you gotta take some bad medicine along the way like working out, eating veggies and approaching and opening hundreds of women.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html