@Txacoli - yes, i think we possibly could be a good match, been a while since i someone like that came up. but you got it right: there is no drama here. i also dont feel like a victim, why would i?! i was the one who started the affair, knew what i was heading into and had tons of fun and i really enjoy looking back to it. no regrets here and i have all the understanding in the world for the fact that the timing is just rotten bad

Check your PM, sent you some details about a female section here on the forum

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

You Dog kiddin.... Your a good man Txacoli. You've been around women and slept with a few, u understand this. Help your lil friend out here think through some of the questions I posted. You guys dont have to answer back. I'm outta this ignorent drama queen's thread.

Thanks, I like to pretend I'm a man when I can lol It usually involves a strap-on though.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

the way I see it, you have created a problem for yourself here,

this guy is simply, not needy and enjoys sex, it is quite clear what he is doing, he wants sex, and is not interested in a having a relationship with you, but he is interested in sex, and he like a few other guys has realized how easily ready this commodity is when you search for it, so instead of buying into your demands and bending his needs for yours, he doesn't care, he doesn't need anything for you, and it leaves you wanting to chase him thinking... WTF?, WHY DOESN'T HE CALL?

well it's simple, he doesn't call cause you are just another vagina to him, he used you as a nice little hookup on the side to cheat on his finance, he was probably hooking up with other chicks besides you and telling them the same thing, now he is pursuing new pussy, if you hit him up he will likely still be down to sleep with you, but will always be wishy washy when it comes to your expectations of a relationship because he simply does not think highly enough of you as a potential wife, really he just wants to get laid, and if he has to put in any effort commitment wise to you it would be easier for him to just pursue other girls then to bend to your will

anyways, that's my guess

GOOD LUCK

The short reality of the situation is, he can NEVER see you as a potential mate because you were just someone who helped him get over the frustrations in his last relationship. And yes you are part of the blame for the reason they broke up, understand this and take responsibility for it. If he wasn't sleeping with you, he could of been home trying to work things out with his women more. You knew he had a fiance and slept with him anyway. He'll never trust you because of this, his subconscious just won't let him. Which will make a healthy relationship pretty much impossible.

He used you for the sex and now he's moving along and looking for someone he can trust.. Your not that, you were an affair. A man never marries his mistress, unless he's has no understanding of karma.

An apology to him for being a part of that situation in the first place would be the right thing to do.. Take care

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Kathleen when you're dealing with a guy who you know is in relationship you are just a jump off.
I know about jump off situations and why they're so dangerous. These dudes will lie and give the jumpoff hope like she has a chance just to keep fucking her. Almost 90% of Jump off "always" want to be the main chick. They want the guy to spend more time with them doing boyfriend girlfriend activities. I believe at some point if this guy would have gotten married you would have been trying to expose you and his relationship to his wife.

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

You cannot give a definite answer right now with the given info. But I do tend to agree with Fuze, I never sleep with someone in a relationship, because it disturbs the "natural way" of attraction.

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You can't buy sophistication.

Many times the posts that seem to attack you, the ones that hurt the most, have the largest kernel of truth in them. THE TRUTH HURTS.

As for your response to my advice, you seemed to dismiss it as "Well it's his fault anyway."

Well guess what? He's not on this site asking how to get you back.

You only have two options. Get back in contact or forget about him. Choose one of those and deal with this drama.

@slip - uuuuhm...it wasnt the "truth" that hurt, rather flat out insults like "idiocy"and other friendly terms *lol*

@pumpington and some of the rest - some of you male herterosexuals really need to drop this notion that all guys are studs that persuade semi-attractive females into sex and victimize them. i really find it amusing how some of you are interpreting this as though i have been used as this couldnt be further from the truth. i was the one that seduced him and we were both equally pro active about the sex, no regrets in retrospect, no lies were necessary to get things going...no manipulation occured here, no hurt feelings etc.

take it as a given that i know for certain that i am/was 100% gf material for several reasons. had that not been the case the affair would have gone one and simultaneously his relationship. the only reason they broke up was because even a blind third party could tell that we were a potential huge match and he was pressuring himself because he wanted to go into one of the two directions. he was the one putting pressure, wanting to define things, contemplating about a future relationship with me. i never even put the "r" word in my mouth

the one thing that was really amazing between us was the sex, amazing as in "best ever" take that as a given too. if his interest would have been purely sexual then now would be the perfect time to persue that path..the girlfiend is gone, i never got complicated, so why not simply continue ans shag around? simple answer: because he knows that this could have great potential but doesnt/cant deal with it know. he loved his girlfriend to the end, hardly anyone can move on that quickly given the duration of such a long relationship. so instead of burning bridges and playing the "lets be friends card" which would have been a very obvious and easy option, this has been put on a "time out".

i also find it amusing that this picture is being painted of me sitting at home waiting for his call..dudes, i am already seeing other guys its just that i would love to see him again, enjoy sex etc. my question wasnt about "why isnt he calling?" that is pretty obvious to me, the question was how i should react when he gets in touch again and in the event of the possibility that i feel that he still isnt ready...that was all... no drama i received valuable feedback and want to thank those that got into a decent and mature discussion on this!

Well I don't plan to argue this point, but that's just straight not true. Being called an idiot doesn't hurt, empty insults mean nothing. Being called an idiot when you think it may be true hurts. Man up (lol) and face his criticisms head on, with an honest, introspective eye, don't avoid them by labeling them as insulting. If it hurts, look at why it hurts.
If only this had been made more clear. Threads with female OPs always get hella long, maybe we could have shortened this one.

Sounds like you don't need help at all, at least not anymore. Good luck.

so first you say he breaks up with her, not because of you, but because you were both thinking about breaking up all along, then he starts considering the importance of his relationship over the importance of you, so you give him an ultimatum that suggests you want more and he has to choose what he wants, then what does he do?

stops contacting you and sets up a dating profile, he has broken up with his finance but he doesn't look like he is making very much of an effort to pursue you, does he?, he even knows you are interested in a relationship and has already slept with you,
where exactly did I say he was a stud?, it is also very unlikely he was ''trying to victimize you'', it is more likely he was bored in his relationship and wanted some casual sex, I have fairly little information to go on making a generalization, but from the point of view of a guy you must know that we think entirely different, and what he is doing reflects the actions of the typical guy, he is in a relationship, relationship gets boring, go find another girl to sleep with on the side, girl on side starts wanting more then just sex, fall off with her for a bit until she lays off, go get sex from other girls, if you want a relationship with a girl that you are having sex with, it is almost always as easy as just seeing her more, I assume he is older then 20 and is well aware of how this works, you don't have to be a stud to sleep with multiple girls at a time, and obviously sex is a mutual experience, it is very unlikely you could have sex with a girl that is not interested in you, but sex for a guy does not define if you want to be in a relationship with a girl or not
really?, so he cheated on his finance because his relationship was really good, and you just happened to make him feel super amazing so he decided that the feelings were so strong he would cheat on his girlfriend, now he is dropping contact down with you and has activated a dating profile, and you said in your first post that you were not the reason they broke up, now you are claiming you are that reason, which is it?
what you are saying now completely contradicts your original post, are you lieing to yourself?, you can not live in a pardox, who was pushing for the relationship him or you?, who is on a forum trying to get the other person back, him or you? why is he not pursueing you when he is single?, he is not ready?, why does he have a dating profile activated then?
sex is a commodity and is really important to have for a guy if you want to see a girl, but if you look around there is a cute girl around every corner and it is readily available to any man who is brave enough to pursue it, and sex does not define for a guy if the girl is worth a relationship or not (unless he is absolutely super desperate)
glad you are amused, enjoy dating around, you possibly will see him again and have sex, just don't expect a serious relationship from him that he takes seriously

if he isn't ready why is he seeking out other girls?

as guys we are pretty cut and dry logical,
you either do or you don't, you either want, or you don't want, the actions he is taking do not reflect those of a guy heavily interested in you beyond anything but a casual sex girl on the side, that is not meant as an insult but as an objective observation

I know it is really hard to think negatively about someone you have feelings for, but try really hard to think clearly about this, look at how you are being treated and what actions are being taken, try to step away from this situation and take a look from the outside and consider all the possibilities, try to think like a guy for a moment

GOOD LUCK

Pump nailed it... There is also a popular quote that goes :" A women can fake an orgasm but a man can fake an entire relationship "

Be careful of falling for the mushy we're meant to be talk from a guy, we'll usually just play along to keep getting in your pants. Also, men an women think entirely different so this isn't something you could fully understand.

_________________
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[quote="pumpington"][quote]

so first you say he breaks up with her, not because of you, but because you were both thinking about breaking up all along, then he starts considering the importance of his relationship over the importance of you,
[quote]

maybe i was unclear. there were issues in their relationship all along. but at no stage was he trying to get in my pants. he did flirt with me heavily and crazy all along(like he did over all the years we know each other from seeing each other at clubs but never could date due to our relationships), i was the one that seduced him into having sex. one always could tell that he enjoyed it like crazy but really felt bad about the cheating because he still loved her, he just knew that she was not the one because they dont work together. so the whole notion that he was lying about omething to get in my pants, as alluded by a different user is entirely bogus. on the contrary, he always was very honest about what was going on, we actually both were.

they took a pause, then broke up, he reconsidered and then they broke up entirely. i cannot asses how much impact i had in this process. what i meant was that the situation was that he loved this woman, but knew that they were no match and at the same time met me who he thought was a great match but couldnt open up tp entirely because the chapter with his ex was not closed yet (before the break up).

he continously had this idea of having to choose between seeing me or continuing the relationship. had his only interest been sex he could have continued the affair and have had sex with me with no problem, i had no problem with the other woman as i wasnt ready to say that i want a relationship with him and i made that clear to him several times.

so when they broke he basically went into submarine modus because he generally didnt know whether it was the right thing, was reconsidering etc. and wanted to sort things out...he broke off contact to most of his friends and just wanted to be to himself. the ultimatum was not about "me or her", it never was, the ultimatum was about this submarine modus where days would pass without me knowing what exactly was going on, how he was = no contact.

maybe i also was unclear the "dating profile". i wasnt saying that he was dating other girls, i meant that there was a couple of days where he was arranging sex dates, definitely not more than that.

i can tell from his fb page that he still has dropped contact with his close friends because most including his relatives are asking him to return their calls and to say how he is doing (the general public o his fb community knows he broke up). so he obviously is still is his submarine modus and not in the best place emotionally.

we are talking about someone above the age of 30 that had a more than 3 year lasting and loving relationship with someone he was engaged with and still loved to the end. would you expect that person to be over his ex at the blink of an eye (less than 2 weeks) to start something new? it is clear and always was that he is resolving his break up and that he isnt in the best state. in that sense i am pretty sure he knows what i didnt like back then, as i made it clear, and he probably doesnt want to present himself to me until that has been resolved and his head is free. and dont even want to rule out the possibility that they might even be thinking of coming back together again, who knows! i really am pretty certain that it just isnt the right time to see each other (yet) and he knows it.

all that i wanted to know was how to react when he has in fact gotten back in touch and i have the feeling that he still might not be ready...that was all