Wow this thread is amazing mack you are like me espically on the fighting part. i use to always think it was only me who was a quiet lad dont realy enjoy confrontation. but when i switch it shocks people an im quite small i do exactly the same i go to kill, im like a lion start showing my teeth an that.

Back in my afc days a girl i was with was actually telling me she likes to be treated like shit an still i went against her an treated her like a queen. I think i was that afc it actually attracted her a little bit to me so she stayed around, even though she was fucking random badboys.

Its horrible to think of women like that but its true women are here to make babies an there highly skilled at picking out males who will give them the best offspring at the end of the day were animals nothing more.

this post for me = a massive game changer excellent posts from all i count my lucky stars i found pua or my life would be fucking wank right now maybe i wouldnt even be here

century,

i see you struggling with this time and time again, from topic to topic.

understand, that isn't an attack on you.

rather it is an acknowledgement that i have been in your current "brainspace" before and i know the flood of questions (doubts) you are having based on all of this counterintuitive information you are getting.

you seem like i guy (and i am by nature, as well) who is incredibly affectionate with your women. i am too (by nature).

and you are trying to reconcile the difference between reading how you are "supposed" to act and how you naturally relate to people. and if you can't be yourself, then you can't be genuine, then everything is bullshit and for naught...

right?

i get ya, man.

here is what i can say on this issue. i've struggled with many/most of the issues that you have posted here. from the trust issues, etc.

let me tell you a story.

i grew up. the son of a single mother and the little brother to a big sister. i was also the nephew to a single aunt. and occasionally would visit my surviving grandmother.

little pattern there?

i was raised by women. what's better? the little contact i had with my father was limited to: him beating me, or, learning how he had beat/terrorized my mother. good stuff, man.

anyway, what's the point of that? context. background.

the point is, not only was i raised by women. but i also had no decent male role model and no real-world example of what a normal relationship could/would even look like. so i coped. in the best way possible. trial-and-error.

ok, now i'm rambling.

so, anyway, i am in my mid-thirties. and i have by my very nature always been the following things with women:

- attentive
- respectful
- supportive
- connected
- open (this is your issue here)
- and, importantly, saw them/treated them as a "partner" 50/50

see that word ^open^ up there? thatis your issue. i've read your topics and seen this come up again and again. so i get that you are working on a deeper understanding and struggling with this concept.

the paradox?

"if i can not be open with my girlfriend, then it's all bullshit anyway"
and
"if i am open with my girlfriend, i will lose here"

correct?

thought so...

so, back to my story... i am what you might call a serial monogamist. as stated before, time and time again, i am not a pua. i am a fully-recovered afc with pua tendencies, lol. which means, i've solidified my inner game and can pretty much pick up chicks when i want to, but choose not to because i'm busy as fuck, a single dad, back in college, and just out of an almost two-year hellish relationship that fucked my mind. (this relationship is the reason i sought out pua) and you could say pua saved my life (or at least my soul).

string of relationships. i did everything right. and by "right" (of course), i mean i was respectful, attentive, supportive, connected, open, and a partner (all those qualities i listed earlier). they all failed. in the same ways. hmm, what's the common connection? well, it's "me" of course.

my issue. niceness being taken for weakness. it's happened time and time again in my life. i am not weak. but i've been taken for weak in my life. not just in relationships, but also in friendships, acquaintences, business dealings, etc. why? because i was nice.

the flip side, the thing that most people don't understand, is that i am "nice" because i can also be mean as fuck. i mean ruthless. like i said, i grew up being abused. violently. that leaves a mark on you and you tend to not like aggression, dominance, authority, etc.

i'm the guy, who in school got picked on from time to time, because i was "nice". seemed like an easy target. until i would decide i had enough, then i beat the kid almost to death in the classroom and get expelled from school. six schools to be exact. lol. yep, pretty much you don't wanna fuck with me. i've had people ask me (after they start a fight with me, and while i am in the progress of nearly killing them) "why are you doing this?"

why?

because you threatened me.

but you see, to most normal people. a fight is about "trading blows" and then it's over and then somebody brags and we all smile and dust it off.

to me, a fight is a fight for absolute survival. animal instinct. and i have almost killed those who were unfortunate enough to lay a hand on me. i've even begged people to walk away after punching me in the face. this always gets an interesting reaction from the crowd, lol.

anyway, goddammit, i am rambling again.....

so, my point is: i am a nice guy. because i choose to be. i am not weak. it's a battle. every day i look in the mirror and say "be civilized out there, do the right thing, be a man of honor."

each of my relationships has failed in the same way. being taken for "weak".

why? because i am...naturally:

- supportive
- attentive
- non-aggressive
- open
- and a partner mentality

oops, what's that? classic beta traits^^^

instead of being:

- dominant
- aggressive
- authoritarian
- self-absorbed (kind of, the opposite of "open", if you think about it)

wait, what's that again? classic alpha traits^^^

i was with the mother of my child for eleven years. she walked all over me. i tried time and time again to be "the nice guy". again, for my own dysfunctional reasons. not because i am a natural beta. but because i've tried real hard to not be my dad. the point is, i have an aversion to authority. i won't be under it, and i don't want to be over other people either. so, my natural tendency is partnership.

what is the point to all of this self-indulgent bs rambling?

the point is this:

you can have very good and legitimate reasons for being who you are and how you are. it doesn't matter. as long as your traits emulate beta traits, you will be judged as such.

i've had to come to a couple of very hard realizations after a lifetime of failed relationships. remember, i've been doing this "relationship" thing for almost twenty years. that's a long time to keep failing. and i've finally seen the pattern. it's obviously me.

and one of my biggest weaknesses?

how i perceived women, how i perceived men, how i perceived our respective roles in relationships, and how i had to accept that social dynamics is in play all the time, and it will not make exceptions for me being "me" just because what i went though in my earlier years.

in the core "Mack" was never a weakling. he just had eccentric, irrelevant, and misguided notions of what it meant to be a good man / good boyfriend.

hence... "Mack 2.0"

i have realized that i have to assert my dominance. or i will be dominated.

in my former perfect and damaged utopia, everybody is respectful and nobody has authority over anyone else. people behave like adults and everybody just gels and things run smoothly. this might be possible in my head. but my biggest realization was that THE WORLD DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY.

again, you are saying "Mack, what in the fuck is the point here?"

ok, i'll tie it all together for you.

i know for a fact, that you (like me) have your own reasons for viewing women are partners and wanting to completely open with them. i don't know "what" your reasons are, but i know they exist. because i know what is in your mind as you struggle with this issue.

now, a list of truths:

a woman will never be your partner.
she will also never be your friend.
relationships will never be based on equality.
women don't want "openness", they want "security".
women don't want "partnership", they want a "leader".
this is all about "mating", it's not about love and connection.

it's horrible, i know, because it means guys like you and i are doomed to be pretty much unsatisfied with relationships, unless we can change our core ideas and expectations from a relationship.

i no longer seek happiness from a woman. i am happy in and of myself. i workout, i work at my job, i go to college, i have my aspirations and my path in life. women come and go. i won't care anymore.

and, maybe, with enough time and introspection, i can actually learn to be happy with a woman being "a leader and a mate" as opposed to "a friend and a partner".

good luck.