Speaking from experience, just stay away, man. Long run, it'll be better for you.

Even in the short run, it can be better for you. Just find someone else for your party!

Hey Alpha Draconis, it's been 5 months since I broke up with my ex and found myself trawling the internet to try and process her craziness.

I'm 99% sure she has BPD... and she's from WEST YORKSHIRE too! There could be some truth to your theory. which internet forum did you read this? btw Your ex wasn't called Gemma was she?

OP, as for re-engaging one, DONT BOTHER. I was with her for 5 months, the first month was amazing and then it started going downhill fast. I haven't spoken a single word to her in 5 months even though I think about her every day.

BPD's mirror you in the early stages, creating an illusion of a soul mate-like connection. Once you show them the love they crave and they know they have you on the hook, the head games will start. They will put you in constant no-win situations, lie, manipulate and infuriate you to the point of submission or walking out on them. Once the very short honeymoon period is over its all downhill and there is NO going back.

They crave love but are also terrified of abandonment so once they see your love for them they begin acting out, distancing, manipulating, because they think if someone LOVES them, they will ABANDON them.

They use INFANTILE strategies to cope with ADULT relationships because they are still emotionally 3 years old. There is no reasoning with them, there is no 'winning', there is no adjusting of your behaviour to appease them, NOTHING WILL WORK, they will always find a way to make things wrong between you.

They idolize you in the beginning because they crave your love, but then begin to devalue and resent you because you HURT them over and over due their unrealistic expectations of what a lover should be that NO ONE could ever live up to. For example, you don't return a text for an hour, or you go to the pub, you don't put enough sugar in her tea, these things = ABANDONMENT to them, and they will built up resentment towards you and then punish you. But not untill they see you are emotionally invested.

Also, they are full of shame and hate themselves, so as soon as you show them love, they lose respect for you, because how could you love such a worthless creature such as her, you must be even lower on the food chain.

They will project all of their self-loathing and resentment onto you and make YOU feel shameful and guilty about the whole relationship which is why you feel the intense need to RECONNECT with her and see her again, because you want to heal the shame and guilt she left you with.

She cannot heal these wounds, you have to process it within yourself because these feelings were ALREADY in you, which is why you gravitated to her in the first place. Emotionally healthy guys do not get involved and stay with BPD women, they get the fuck out of there. BPD women have a 6th sense for spotting guys with saviour mentalities, who have poor boundaries and will absorb all of their emotional bullshit.

Falling in love with a woman like this and then being put through the emotional treadmill is a massively painful experience but will also show you more about YOURSELF and make you stronger and more whole in the long run than any therapy or self exploration could. They are, in a weird way, an amazing opportunity for massive growth and healing of emotional pain from childhood. But like most things in life its no pain, no gain, so you have to endure massive pain to grow through into the other side where you will be a stronger, more emotionally strong person with more solid boundaries and self-esteem IF you process the pain they bring out within you.

I'm a better person for meeting her and wouldn't change a thing, but I still wouldn't advise anyone to get involved with a BPD, if you find yourelf gravitating to this kind of woman then you have issues and a distorted imprint of what a relationship is meant to be like, and if you don't address it and work through your shit, then you will find yourself again and again in painful fucked up relationships.

Look at all that shit I just felt compelled to write, and thats just a surface level skimming of whats in my head. Thats how much these girls fuck you up!

Once you break away, stay away! Unless you want more pain!

Borderline always end in a complete fucked up situation. They will mindfuck you in every way they can. The only way to handle such a personality is to set very clear boundaries.

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You can't buy sophistication.

True, but even when you set very clear boundaries, they will always find a way around it, i.e., cloak and dagger tactics. My ex was expert at these veiled manipulation tactics... or so she thought.

Because they always picture themselves as victims. If you don't agree with their arguments, you are just a inhuman monster. I was dumped by a bdp in a very cruel way after a massive conflict. Even after two years I'm still the boogieman, right now because I was dancing with another girl at the same party.

BDP girls are the most vicious creatures on the planet.

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You can't buy sophistication.

Grimmeh, I agree with everything you state here. I witnessed all of these things first hand, and when I started talking to other people on the bpdfamily forum, I discovered the very same things.

Also, the name of the borderline wasn't Gemma, though it is pretty interesting that I've spoken to so many former victims of borderlines, and many of these bpd's hail from West Yorkshire... something in the water a tell thee!

P.S. Also, you're prob familiar with the works of Shari Schreiber; another person whose work is certainly with checking out is a guy called Thomas Sheridan (He doesn't believe in BPD, rather the term psychopath, but excellent stuff nevertheless): I can't type in the URL here, so if you're interested in his work, please Google Labyrinth of the Psychopath -- it will take you to Sheridan's blogspot.

P.P.S. Check out his youtube videos on the right hand side of his page

Yeh, I got made out to be a monster, and got the smear campaign on FB, so did all the other victims before me. Facebook is her 'Calvary Hill' she uses to crucify her victims.

Oh well, I'm just glad I woke up from that nightmare.

I think what would be good for us as a community would be to make a list of early signs that you are dealing with a person with a disorder.

For example MASSIVE mirroring of your values, seeking sympathy (my ex would talk ALL THE TIME about how her father died when she was 16), identifying with "noble" causes (global warming, helping the poor) while not doing ANYTHING about it (just talk talk talk - my ex would keep saying how she would "want to go to Africa for a year to help the poor" yet she would NEVER LIFT A FINGER for someone else and it was all BULLSHIT), over dramatic - impressionist style of speech (histrionic personality disorder) and highly developed language skills (both in writing and verbally) which is used to manipulate anything you (or anyone else) would say.

I'll try to work on something like this for my own benefit, if someone wants to share his story and some signs he knows about - let me know. We could make a list which is much more specific and detailed than "manipulative" etc. This could really come in handy while screening girls.

And giving you the idea you are her ultimate saviour because all other people are bad. Yup, we have summed up all symptoms.

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You can't buy sophistication.

Good one. Would be good to come up with a complete list, I don't think these are all... (but it would be cool if they were!)

Maybe Vin diCarlo can make a 2nd Pandora Box - he and his guys can go out for two years with girls with all types of personality disorders and then make a product about it

I think I pretty much dated each disorder. BDP, attention whores, frustrated identity issues, manic depressions, social anxiety, ...

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You can't buy sophistication.

"Buys into either secular and non-secular belief systems to appear superior or enlightened. Will align themselves with ‘morally popular’ causes to make themselves appear enlightened and with a sense of deep moral wisdom and compassion. But it is always a pose; the psychopath’s association with these causes is a veneer to fool others into trusting them. It’s always fake; always an agenda." ~ Thomas Sheridan from his Labyrinth of the Psychopath blogspot.

omg. i have lived this.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Tip: stay away from the crazies. I've had my fair share of crazies. Their sex can be great though...

If you really wanna get her. Then don't give her the attention she craves. Always give her a bit less than she actually wants. Talk to her about subjects like sex, but act like you wouldn't wanna do her. Just tease her with it untill she HAS to do you.

Oh, and NEVER think you can change her. She will not change, ever. Don't fool yourself by thinking that .

Haha, amen brother! In my mind I even keep a checklist with the disorders that my exes have had xD.

Some of my past GF's didn't seem to have any issues though. Luckily my current GF seems fine aswell.