No, he isn't. He's given me nothing to do or try, or even told me what to fix. He's just berating me for not doing something he thinks I should have done, in a situation he didn't witness, based on a single paragraph summary that he didn't even read.

Case in point:

"So what's your excuse for treating girls like a total idiot? Do you blame this on them as well"

I never blamed anything on anyone, and even if he thinks I did something that did come off as treating a girl like an idiot ADVICE would constitute telling me WHAT I did or, better yet, what to do differently next time.

Perception is more powerful than truth. . .

And to the OP . . . while I do believe that a balance exists between the yin and yang, I just don't think you're in any position to be chasing tail. (At least not effectively or in a way that would be rewarding)

I hope you find peace. Good luck.

Again, a veiled insult.

Ok, fine. Doesn't pretty much everyone end up here because they don't have the skills to "chase tail" as you so eloquently put it? So what should I do then? What do you think I need to correct?

You'll, of course, have no answer. You're just here to bully me.

In order to accept some of the help you will get here, or from anywhere regarding girls, pick up and so on, you will just need to believe that what we're saying (and in this case -kasabi) is true and helpful even if it's against everything you've thought is true. Many guys who start reading and learning pick up have many false assumptions that interrput them from getting better. So the faster they realize it's not true and accept it - the better for them.

I'm not a PUA proffestional or even close to, Ive just started actually but I do believe I can help a bit here to 'solve' this issue.

First you said you met her on some website's event, now you said 'There seemed to be some sparks' based on pretty much nothing, your feeling only. You didn't really get her number, you didn't set another date, you didn't do anything but talk with her. You prolly think it's okay because you respeced her and stuff like that but if you would read some matriel about 'the game' you would understand why you didn't really achieved anything there and why there's so much more you could've done.

Then you said 'Eventually I found her in a group..', this suggests that you started looking for her maybe in a bit needy way, regardless tho it's something you should've done way before she left you. Even then after you guys meet again you still didn't make any progress, haven't kissed her or anything but basiclly kept talking to her and being a nice guy and all. You might be thinking it's good but it isn't, and this is not what gonna get you laid. Like I said, you'll have to realize that many things you believe right now are totally bullshit and you gotta forget them.

'She hasn't even checked the site in over a month' this suggests you've been stalking her waiting for her to log, this is saying you're relaying on her are 'THE ONE' and other stuff like that, it doesn't really suggest you are a women guy with many options and she was the lucky one to hang with you. And of course then comes the part where you wait another one waiting for her (or you met many other girls during that month and you just decided not to tell about them? i will guess you havent).

Anyway, even some of what i said is wrong, hell maybe even all of it is , it's the vibe we're getting from you. Don't put your thoughts much into it trying to defend yourself why you're not really X or Y and you're doing fine. Just realize that what you've done so far in your life is NOT WORKING (and you are realizing it doesn't work right?) and you need to learn everything from scratch.

How you are going to do it? Many many ways. Being a member here is your first step and it's good place to start with because it's a great community (even if you don't feel like it at the moment, you will in a few monthes from now tho ).

Basiclly you can go and start reading books and matriels, there are many guides here so just start looking around and you'll see it for yourself. There are many 'methods' since there isn't really one best way to pull girls ao you'll have to experince yourself (by reading and trying infield, not just reading) and eventually you'll find your way and your style.

Just forget it, I hope you can take my advice and believe me eventually you'll realize that we all here trying to help you. Good luck and take it easy buddy

Let's leave Kasabi out of this. He is not trying to help, he is literally telling me it's pointless to try, and attempting to rip apart my self esteem in a place where almost everyone will tell you that self-confidence is 90% of the game.

I hope the rest of what I say comes off as clarifying rather than confrontational.
I know there's more I could have done, however I didn't conclude there were some sparks "based on nothing." One of my female friends was at the dinner with us, and she told me afterwards that the girl had seemed interested. I had actually failed to notice the IoI's she was sending, but my friend clued me in on it.
I waited as long as I did because there were other meetups she was planning to attend, so I figured I would just see her at those. The other part of the reason is that I didn't want to come off as focusing on her, like I am now to you guys. I thought sitting back and waiting was the right thing to do... but then she cancelled a couple meetups in a row, and on the last one got sick just beforehand and couldn't make it. So now, tired of waiting... perhaps already too late I guess.
She has no way of knowing that I see the last time she's checked out the site, and I don't do it that often. I do have other options, but right now she's my "favorite" option...

(I know that sounds one-itisy, but it isn't... I actually have oneitis with a different girl. Unless you can have two-itis? )

I am doing that. The way I've acted with this girl is NOT how I would have previously. I would have looked her up sooner, for instance... I actually knew her name and could have looked her up directly on FB, but didn't want to thinking that might not look good.
I've been around for a while, probably the better part of this year... Kasabi is the only person I've had a problem with. Maybe because he just told me I'm a lost cause or something.
Hey, I'm all for accepting advice. And if the consensus is that I screwed this one up beyond all hope, that's fine. There's a difference between offering advice and attacking me, however. Kasabi was not offering advice.



PS: In other news, I decided on setting up a meetup somewhere I knew she'd be interested in (she actually said as much last week, telling me a specific place she wanted to go and hinting that I should schedule things earlier) so maybe if there's any hope she'll come to this one.

I may need to work on making my questions more general, but I have a tendency to need concrete examples to learn from. The question here is based on a specific situation, but applies to a couple other girls too. In short, if a girl rejects me with some valid excuse do I give it another shot or not? After a week? Longer? Shorter? There's at least two other girls I could apply this to right now...

I find this tidbit particularly funny:


This is what one girl messaged me on Facebook after meeting me:

"Thanks...btw you have a great personality...it was a pleasure getting to know you!"

There is another girl with whom I get along great in person, she gets all my jokes and we always have a great time together. But about 70% of the time I crack a joke in email, she takes it the wrong way and gets offended/mad at me.

To assume that a person comes off the exact same in life as they do on a web forum is ludicrous.

I knew that already, but he said my personality was repulsive.. not that I need to work on my writing skills. See, one is an attack... the other is constructive criticism.

Let's also not forget he gleaned all this from a single paragraph wherein he made a LOT of assumptions.

The funny thing is, for all his bluster about how badly I handled things with this girl... I posted after the event how it had gone, and blondguy said I did fairly well. showing-up-solo-vt55982.html?highlight=

Only got through the first one (sleeping pill's kicking in) but I'm struck by how the bigger guy was always friendly, as opposed to the "expert" here who was a complete ass.

Did I argue with anyone else who said I should just move on? No. I clarified a couple points, but the only argument here is whether or not it's "giving advice" when you say someone has a repulsive personality.

lets just drop it, shall we? You're getting nothing but wasting your time, instead of starting to make some progress with your name. So from now on you forget this ever happened and focus on whats improtant and the reason you're here.

An alpha male, or pua or however you wanna call it - dont give a fuck. Hes going to ask someone's nubmer if he likes this person even if the entire world is watching. You need to understand that saying it wasnt the right time is nothing but an excuse. Same way you can always excuses for not approaching girls saying they were with a friend, walking fast, in the middle of something etc etc. Those are all excuses and understanding it is important.

You didnt take control of anything you just hoped everything will work it self out - she'll come to meeting you guys will have fun and you'll start to build something. Guess what? You shouldnt. Dont leace it up to her, ask her out when you meet with her. Be more aggressive and less nice guy, stop over thinking every move you're making and simply make it. Worst case scenario? She'll say no and you move on, but without trying you'll never really get any better, you need to practice. Even if she doesn't know you were spying on her it doesnt matter since i couldnt care less about what she thinks, but i do try to show you that you're getting obssesed with her, and then you say there's another girl who got you even worse so we can clearly see its another problemyou should take care. You need to think and act as you have many girls to choose from and you're not needy at all about her, you're the price and she's the lucky to have you.

From what it looks you are the shoulder to cry on friend for girls because thats what you're acting like and vibing. If thats your goals then maybe you're better of as you are, but if you're sick of that and want to fuck those girls instead then you need to understand that pretty much everything you're doing is wrong and you need to re-build yourself or something like that.

You can go on a bootcamp as he suggested or just start by reading stuff, there's tons of matriel but you'll figure stuff as you start, so please - start!

I was watching some videos on kino escalation the other day, and in one segment the guy talks about how you should try not to make the kino obvious to onlookers because it would make the girl uncomfortable. Wouldn't this fall under that same category?
Call it an excuse if you want, I had formulated another plan for asking her out but screwed up the execution. It's not as if I had just given up or something.

In any case, yes I knew I screwed up. The question now is: can it be fixed, and if so how do I do that?
This is where I get confused. Should I have done something immediately after to try and get in touch with her and ask her out, or should I have backed off because I've got too many options to worry about that one girl too much? I'm still getting a bit of a mixed message here...

Hell, in your next paragraph you say " You need to think and act as you have many girls to choose from and you're not needy at all about her, you're the price and she's the lucky to have you."

Wouldn't that mean sitting back and NOT worrying about immediately pursuing her?
I have to overthink everything at this point, otherwise I'll keep doing the same wrong things...
What do you think I'm doing here? Why do you think I'm asking the questions?

I was done posting in this thread until Hobbit chimed in. Although I'm quite sure he knows exactly what's going on here, I'd like to summarize this thread a bit from my prospective for others to see. There is a lesson to be learned . . .

My VERY FIRST reply to this thread was ALL ADVICE.
But instead of trying to figure this out, he stood on top of the soap block and began to lecture us about what HE KNOWS about Pick Up.
So already, we know the guy is about a -2 in terms of pick up, he lives in his imagination(thinks he actually offered the girl some sort of "opportunity". As I wrote later on, had he really "offered her an opportunity", she'd be sucking his cock and he wouldn't be writing this thread.) And from this entire thread, it's easy to see that he has the propensity to project his negativity to others. If you read any of my posts, I think you'd know that I don't hang around here to pounce on newbies. In fact, I spend most of my time in the newbie section and I do give out a lot of specific advice in the classic PU sense (openers, routines, closes, etc . . .)

The reason I stopped giving specific advice after the first post is that I truly don't believe a "man" like this is capable of enjoying pick up. Hobbit copy/pasted the following but I'm not sure if others understand it:
Yin, being the feminine and Yang being the masculine; I do believe that all men and women can find balance. However, the OP is incredibly yin. His emotions shake like water(yin) or branches of a tree(yin). He is like the feminine partner of a gay partnership, emotional, imaginative, and temperamental. In PU terms, the guy is in no position to take "shit tests", or believe in himself firmly (like the ROOT of the tree = yang) to move forward and truly OFFER A WOMAN THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WITH A MAN.

This recurring theme of "never following through" with girls in a timely fashion will continue with the OP and he will continue to blame it on external factors (like the way swaying branches will blame its motion on the wind) UNLESS he can learn to breathe, relax, accept his short comings, and learn to strategize for the future. Unless he can do this, he will continue to "band-aid" over his pain caused by REAL LIFE FAILURES with misunderstandings and straight out lies. (But this girl told me this and that girl told me that) --- Really? Is that why they never call him?

There's so much in this thread that truly breaks my heart. The least important being this one guy who will most likely never enjoy our little game. More importantly, he will probably die thinking that all of this was the fault of Sherlock Holmes.

Any of you gurus out there think a few PU cliche's will help the OP? Please offer it.

So I was looking through Kasabi's old posts to get a better sense of the guy, and found this little tidbit:

"Teachers are thieves but they're also nosy ass gossipers. No way in hell you're getting that number while her colleagues are within a half mile radius. Unless . . . You made it a cool thing to share numbers amongst everyone at the table for some future event."


Notice how here someone is facing a similar problem to what I originally had with Sara (getting her number when in a group) but instead of insulting the poster, he actually offers a suggestion. A suggestion that, next time I'm in a situation where I want a girl's number and there's a bunch of us talking, I could probably use.

Just sayin...

Ok, let's try a shorter and less angry version here. Look at the post I quoted from you above, then look at the one you originally replied to me with. Can you see a difference there?

What I took from your post was calling me a stalker, saying I'm obsessing over a girl, and the implication I have nothing to offer anyone. Even telling me I needed to "start over from scratch" is antagonistic. Frankly, a year ago I would probably not even have talked to her... so no, I don't think forgetting what little progress I made counts as good advice.

You are right that I can be temperamental, far more so on the internet than in real life . In real life, the few female friends who have seen me get angry were incredibly surprised because they think of me as being so mellow and centered. That's because I used to have a lot of problems with my temper, and have largely learned to let things go and not get angry. This is just one reason why it's silly to think you have a complete personality profile on me based on a single paragraph on the internet, followed by replies to a post I was highly insulted by.

I'm sure you'll want to call that another "excuse" but please realize that as I offer more information I'm generally trying to clarify, or give a better picture of the situation rather than trying to make excuses.

I apologize to everyone for letting Kasabi get to me and dragging this thread into a huge argument.

There's a big difference between making out with a girl you just met/ kissing her infront of her friends etc and asking her number. Also, if you were 15 guys talking as a big group I can see how it might be akward to ask for her number like that, or talk about day2 etc, but I'll guess everyone was in their own shit, not like everybody were watching you or listening etc, and even then, you can always isolate her and then step up your game.
That's antoher thing, the key is to understand how to pick up girls, not just THAT GIRL. Many guys come to PUA because they have this oneitis they want so bad and ask how to get her when basiclly getting better overall and getting some practice and experince is the way to get that girl.
You don't get it do you? You HAVE to act and lead the way or stuff won't happen. Being the price and all is about not acting needy, not checking her web page to see last time she logged the site, or spam her with messages and chase her like she's everything for you. By sitting back nothing will happen, don't you get it? Other guys will hit on her and probably get her because you are not doing anything and she isn't going to wait on you.

I'm not saying you shouldnt think and analyze your interactions with girls, because you do - figuring out what you did right/wrong and what you can improve for next will grealy help your progress. But when your over thinking interrput your actual interactions because you're too afriad to do anything then it's hurting you badly and you're pretty much cockblocking yourself.

Have you ever read MM? Gunwitch? anything?

We were all sitting in a big circle in a coffee shop. The really sad part is I had been next to her on the couch at the beginning, but I got up to get another drink and ended up sitting across from her where it would be really conspicuous to try and isolate or ask her number or anything. (I got up to get the drink in part because she had started talking to the guy next to me, and I didn't want to just sit there like I was waiting for her to start paying attention to me again... probably also a bad move.)

Actually, I posted the entire scenario afterwards and got no comments on my mistakes...

I think Kasabi's advice above would probably have been the way to go, had I thought of it... would even have been congruent as an assistant organizer to get everyone's contact info. Bleh.

I get that, but at the same time I don't want to let this one slip through my fingers (haha, like I'm even that close) while I'm working on other girls.

No...
I haven't stalked her or chased after her or anything. It's fairly innocent that I can see the last time she viewed my meetup groups page, I check the last active date for almost anyone who has shown up once or twice in my group... that's why the feature is there.

That said, it almost sounds like I haven't done enough... like maybe I should send her a message now saying we should get together? I was trying to back off and act like she wasn't the only girl, and I've done that with several... I guess in my mind if a girl isn't my only option, why would I be asking her out a second time?

I've read The Game, and watched The Pick Up Artist on VH1... but MM really doesn't seem to be for me. I've read random things people here have linked to, and stickied threads and such. I know someone linked to a description of Gunwitch, but at this point I'm not sure I'm capable of projecting a sexual frame...

I'm basically piecing things together as I go and as I encounter situations, then come here to try and get advice and figure out what I maybe should have done or could do better next time.

i wouldnt say you stalked her or even bugged her since you bearly have had much interaction with her and let it span over a month, so you werent pushy or anything.