First time I ever had sex I came inside her unprotected...3 times. We were both really drunk and I wasn't sure what I was doing, obviously. I felt like an ass afterwards. This was also my cousin's friend so I felt really embarrassed. It was a good learning experience to say the least, and I'll always use protection because of it.

Mistakes happen. As long as you learn from them then they can be permitted. The AIDS comment was totally immature and retarded though. If you think you're ever speaking to this girl after that, then think again. Come on man, you're better than that. You're a marine for gods sake.

Prick! So it's HER fault You didn't wear a condom. and HER fault that you disrespected her!
You're a disgrace to that uniform!
This ain't about being "in touch with your Feminist side" Its about being a MAN. Something, you have NO idea about.


I suggest you leave this forum, and never return!

_________________
Rich

Yep. Why else would I continue to post in this thread if I wasn't trying to dissect everything that happened and process it meaningfully? And yes, for the umpteenth time, the AIDS thing was a huge Fail as far as damage control goes. What would really be worth EVERYONE's time would be if guys here who've gone through similar experiences posted how THEY dealt, successfully or unsuccessfully with a situation like this. I'm going to txt her back in a few days and say "are you still mad" and see what's up.

But for those of you holier than thou posters, feel free to keep posting. You guys are HILARIOUS and encouraging. /xoxo

I am with defcon on this one. He was a prick that didn't think things through, true. But he admitted that, and is willing to become better from the whole experience. (we call those humans on planet pua)

As for the rest of you. You can kiss your own asses. I think the admins really need to take a look at the latest advice from our keyboard jockeys! Who would punch him in the head? I boxed with the Marines back in the day, alot of these dudes are natural killers.

Anyway, I think this girl is a lost cause. Hope she's not pregnant, Adam Lyons couldn't put this back together.

No no . . . you don't ask, "Are you still mad." Of course the answer is, "Yes I am." - and she won't even reply. You already offered her an answer with your question. This is obvious.

Your frame seems to be, "Well, I made this mistake but I'm a marine, my friends laughed about it, and blah, blah, excuses, excuses, and more excuses so it's all OK" (And you still continue to belittle the people who are pissed off on this FORUM . . . and you continue to belittle the girl's feelings by thinking you can just ask her if she's mad or not and if she is mad, then well, fuck her! . . .)

This isn't the way to recover in a forum nor is it a way to recover in real life to women or others. There is absolutely nothing wrong or low value about shouldering responsibility for your own mistakes.

The AIDS thing is a huge fail for 2 reasons.

1. You made yourself look like a 14 year old insecure little bitch to her. (Oh . . . a little girl hurt my feelings so now I will hurt hers with this comment) Well even if you used some dumb thing like, "well you're a bitch . . . " This would have blown up in your face enough.

2. What you did CAN kill people. It happens every year. And the psychological consequences alone for a few hours can be devastating. So not only did you demonstrate insecurity, you demonstrated maliciousness.

How do you figure your, "Are you still mad?" will fix these issues?

What you do now is up to you. Think about it. People are pissed off here for a certain reason but all you're doing is continuing to add fuel to the flame. How about just, "Guys, I fucked up big time. I don't know . . . I kinda got pissed off and just made that comment before I even knew it. What should I do now?" Done . . . (do you think people here would think that you're some wussy for using this tone? In fact, had you gone this route, I would have had so much respect for you . . . ) All of this, "my friends laughed about it . . . " - Come on man, you're not 14 years old . . .

So . . . the frame I suggested above is the same frame you need to keep with this girl. This "I'm a cocky guy and you didn't ask so I didn't offer," doesn't really apply here. You think she wants a "logical explanation" of what happened? Are you kidding?

She needs a genuine apology. Yeah . . . I know you don't see advice on "apology" too much on these forums and I'm sure your buddies will probably laugh at you if they found out but there is NOTHING else that is appropriate here than a genuine apology. It seems to be habitual for you to "apologize" then follow up with a justifier. No, no . . . that's not an apology. That's an insult.

You hide your feelings well with your butt head image and your "I want steady pussy" language but your persistence in this issue tells me that you seem to care whether you hurt this girl or not. Dude, we're human. If you feel sorry for what you did . . . just tell her.

And you don't text. Texts are cheap. If she won't agree to meet with you, the best thing to do is if you know where she works or about which time she comes home or whatever, you meet her face to face. (She'll know you took the time to seek her out. She'll know you had to wait around a bit) Then you spill it.

You begin with: Look . . . I need 5 minutes. I know you told me you didn't want to see me but please give me just 5 minutes. Look, I'm begging you.

Apologize and explain, but for God sakes, don't justify. Then walk the fuck away but before you turn, say for one final time, "I'm really, really sorry."

Now some of you guys will jump on me and say, "duh. . . that's dlv or whatever. . ." Guys, the balance here has shifted waaaaay over to one end here. You have to do this . . . and you have to do it well . . .

Then give it a week. Based on what I've read here, I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls back. If she doesn't call you back. Then you text at the end of the week or two and you start from scratch as if NOTHING ever happened.

Start again with dumb things like, "Hey, it's really cold out there . . . take care." . . Yeah . . . all you're looking for is ANY kind of response . . . When she does finally respond . . . gradually work your way up. (typically, she'll still want to carry the pissed off voice but she'd want to see you so she'll text those one word replies like: thnx or ok or yes.

Do you see how much work it takes to recover from a total piss-off?

1. Best to not piss-off in the first place.
2. If you go there, then it's best to apologize genuinely RIGHT AWAY as soon as possible. Continuing to bleed negativity as you are on this thread . . . shit, this is just miserable. (Look, very few people are skilled enough to change their voice/character/style from real life to virtual life. You really, really should start looking into these habitual cycles)
3. The longer you wait . . . the deeper you toss her(their) emotions into that negative pit. . . . and subconsciously, you know this. . . so the longer you wait, they less likely you will be to go the "genuine apology" route. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it . . .

You should consider this a "self improvement" issue and have a go at it.

Good luck . . .

Holy mother..

Unless she had that playful tone to the "don't finish inside, ok?", and I doubt it as I've never met any girl who ends her i-say-no-but-i-mean-yes-sentence with "ok?", you should have listened to her.. This is some serious trust-breaking right there.

Dude, you went from alpha to asshole. We're just telling you that. I don't understand why you yourself would admit to this huge fail, and then be mad when people say you're an idiot for it. Take the criticism like a man and do some introspection instead of the "nyah nyah nyah" teenage thug bullshit.

_________________
Always Learning.
I just started a blog -> http://www.mackademic.com

wow, i forgot i even made this thread. hurt feelings evvvverywhere, lol.

anyways, quick post script to the initial situation: about a month or so after the AIDS thing, i texted her a simple, "you still mad?" to my total surprise, she responded in literally less than 10 seconds. she said, "YES" (yea in caps like that), but my gut (and all of my friends i mentioned this to) told me that this was definitely a positive sign of interest.

i responded with something like, "alright, let me make it up to you, i'll take you out for some coffee [at this scenic place by the beach] and we can talk about things." then she was like, "no thanks i don't wanna." i shrugged, said fuck it and haven't talked to her since.

so the reason i'm even reviving this thread is because i want to know what i could have said or done in response to effectively capitalize on that immediate txt msg IOI. and for the record, as i read this thread and recall those events from months ago, i have to say that AIDS comment was both classic and hilarious. i liked the girl, i'm disappointed we ended on poor terms, and i don't bear her any ill will at all. but that AIDS thing was hilarious. just call me cold-blooded i guess...

Her telling you that she was still mad at you isn't an IOI at all. How possibly could it be? Also, I would quit taking your buddies advice. Ask anyone (other than your buddies)... Seriously, grab a random stranger and ask them if they think texting a girl that you have aids after you busted inside of her is funny. I think you will find a different reaction than your buddies.

I know you are a marine, but that doesn't do anything other than give you some initial higher value. It is a title. You are a PERSON who happens to be a soldier. Just because you are a soldier mean you can't act normal and give you some special right. I respect all people who serve in the military, but you seem (like most other marines) that you are a gods gift to earth. That will only get you so far. Once a girl gets over the fact that you are a marine, what else do you have after that? I am just trying to say in a round-about way that because you are a marine, that doesn't make you special.

i guess this guy never heard of the quote "leave her better than you found her".. i really think this story is absurd.. it sounds like a bunch of jocks in high school laughin at stupid shit.. thinkin everything is hilariuos considering the facts that it's affecting a girl's life... i'm not even really sure why you join this forum.. you're the type of person who uses this skills in a horrible way..

it doesn't matter if you're a marine or not.. it doesn't give you an excuse to do this.. i hope karma bites you in the ass one day..

the only time you realize is.. when it's too late..

Nah man, you're missing the point. It wasn't what she said, it was how fast she responded. As far as social interaction goes, simply ignoring people sends powerful signals; she could have just ignored my text (this would've been in keeping with her earlier "I never want to see you again"), and that would've been that. Not only did she choose to respond, she responded immediately.

I wasn't trying to make it out like this was some kind of invincible IOI: just that it was an IOI which I could have exploited more effectively.

If a random guy told you that you are a punk ass idiot and shoves you . . . well, you might punch him across the face real quick but I'm sure you wouldn't call it an IOI. You have some reality checks to do . . .

Read my previous post . . . you had a chance to redeem yourself. Stop kidding yourself by telling yourself you did "well" with this. You still have a lot of people to meet and plenty of friends to make. Realize your mistake, accept them, then try a better tactic next time.

I totally agree.