You are stuck in a difficult cycle to fix:

1. You are disconnected with others. You repel others. And you insult others.
2. Understandably, they treat you poorly.
3. ^This gives you great (logical only to you) opportunity to vent your anger further.
4. So you further repel others and further insult others.

I get it . . . this sucks. And your logical brain is telling you that there is something wrong with this cycle. Unfortunately, by practicing this cycle over, over, and over again, your reptile brain gets fed the chemicals its enjoyed since you were a kid. The disappointment, self doubt, fire, hatred, anger. . . your brain loves it. In fact, if you were to stop this behavior cold turkey, I'd be willing to bet that you'd experience withdrawal symptoms. As crazy as this sounds, you could be gifted with loving girlfriend(s) who treat you with love, respect, and humor and there's a good chance you'd go out of your way to sabotage it just so your brain could be fed its usual meal.

^This is the big hurdle. But you should know . . . your brain can "learn" to enjoy the chemicals obtained by the following:

1. Connect with others. Attract others. Praise others.
2. Understandably, they treat you well.
3. This gives you more opportunity to repeat 1 and 2.

This forum style of popping random questions to be randomly answered by random members is not working for you. It's only supporting the cycle of disconnect. As I suggested for you in another thread, read other journals in the FR section. Benchmark the one that you like and create a journal of your own. Focus. . . you'll need it.

Okay... that made too much sense.
As a child I was always treated poorly by my cousins and older siblings. And my family seemed to have a running joke that I was inept at everything. My uncle get's a new car with rear wheel drive, manual transmission, 6 cylinder engine, the works. My cousin moves the car cause it's in the way and he asks "who moved my car?". To fuck with him and see his reaction the say "Nick did it!" and he just about has a fucking heart attack. Shit like that.

I isolate myself from them all. Playing videogames, going for solitary walks or runs, reading books, headphones. Whatever to cancel them out. But it still sinks in, they think I'm worthlessly horrible, stupid, unathletic [all my family plays sports, even me. So it's weird for them to think is and illogical], and just an all around waste of space.

I was home schooled till high school. In HS I assumed no one thought much of me and nobody liked me. I had trouble making friends unless they made it blindingly obvious they liked me, otherwise I assumed they didn't and wouldn't like me.

Pretty much, what you said is spot on. My whole early childhood has been people conditioning me to think no one likes me or ever will and it's a shock to my system when somebody does.

trying-the-no-masturbating-thing-with-a--vt149313.html
My blog about going Masturbation free with a day by day.

Aside from reading journals and having my own, what do you recommend for breaking such a cycle. It appears like a difficult task to take on. And something I think I'll need help with.

Mostly it seems difficult because I feel like I'm pushing away anyone who shows even the slightest hint they don't like me.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Mate, you are so wrong you can't imagine..FAILING IS A PART OF THE PROCESS. It's good!!!

Michael Jordan said: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - this is how true champions think;


This is how winning is done. That's why I progressed and all my friends gave up. That's why I was never beating myself up when I was having horrific nights or when I was fucking up big time. I ALWAYS TOOK ANYTHING POSITIVE. Even if I just approached, I would congratulate myself for having the balls to take action. And I would LEARN from the negative, without focusing on it. If in one night I have one phone number and 40 brutal rejections, I'm focusing on the number that I got. I quickly think what I could've done different to not fail with 40 girls and than completely remove them from my head. I always took anything positive. ANYTHING. Didn't matter if the girls didn't responded to me. Any small improvement, I was seeing the bigger picture; Rome wasn't built in one day.

Cold approach is hard to learn, that's why everyone fails at it. And everyone who fails cannot take the pain because they do what you're doing. They're not willing to accept the fact that HOW MUCH TIME IS GOING TO TAKE FOR YOU TO GET GOOD, it's going to happen one day or another. So stop rushing to the future and just enjoy the process. Enjoy the process of transforming yourself into something better.


FlaiR

This part is the most important, in my opinion. While it is important to not be hung up completely on the mistakes, it is also important to give value to yourself. What do I mean? Always believe you are the shit, simply because you are. Michael Jordan was a trash talker in games. One of the things I absolutely love about him. There's a video of him taking a shot with his eyes closed because he got challenged to. Needless to say, he did so successfully. Point is, there also this other part that coincides with you having the mentality of you are the shit, and it is once you truly believe it, and in yourself, you know you can accomplish even greater goals. And those "standards" people give are not what you're limited to. For example... a blind shot in the middle of a game.

Most people fail and start to commiserate.

A quote I'll always remember "A PUA must always be the exception" (I believe this applies to more than just PUA)

Be the exception. Don't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself, like so many do. Stop pointing fingers and ADMIT that you are in your current state because of your OWN actions. And only your own actions and fix or hinder it even further.

And while self evaluating is good, I repeat, you must not use all your focus on what you did wrong. Appreciate you strengths as well. Just realize you're doing this for your own growth and nothing else. At the end of the day it is just you. You have no one to prove yourself to but yourself. That's the catch people who ACTUALLY have confidence in themselves don't tell you. Once you're there, the need for self-improvement will always be there.

You need to truly believe in yourself first.

I advice you read The Tender Heart by Joseph Nowinsk to help you understand and overcome your sensitives in relation to your family and friends.

Not disputing that failure is part of the problem. Not at all.
I play piano, amongst a shit ton of other hobbies. Every song I learn I fuck up a million fucking times. Over and over and over. I'm supposed to be hitting a C# and I'm hitting the D# at some point. Or maybe it's some weird fucking time frame like 7/8 and it's throwing me off. I continuously screw up the song as I'm learning it, and I'll sit there at my piano for 5 hours until I can play through the damn thing complete without messing up at least 3 times in a row.

I get that failures happen. Mainly cause the only thing that really comes natural to me is my will to press on and keep trying. Even typing. I'm typing with the correct finger placement and don't have to look at the keys as I type. This took a lot of fucking hard work and many failures to be able to do and I still fcuk [yes that is intentionally a typo] it up sometimes.

What I'm disputing is the mindset that you're failing over and over when you are in fact failing over and over isn't a weak one. It's a very realistic way of thinking. It's knowing what's going on.

Basically I'm obviously aware I'm failing, understand this, and realize my attempts to do something different haven't worked and I still fail and fail. It's gone to such an extreme that what I question what I do or don't know. I'm not aware of what I'm doing wrong or right, just that I have little success. This is the frustrating part, not the failure.

In piano, basketball, etc., I always succeed and become great at those sorts of things. Hand me a guitar, I'll be able to play in a month. I'll fail horribly during that month, but I'll succeed in the end. The difference here is how well defined the learning process for these things are. You can read about proper form for a shot in basketball and when you understand your shooting foot has it's toe pointing to the basket and you point your elbow to it as well while you guide with your other hand then you go out and do it. You miss, you do it again and again and again and miss over and over. I get it. Then you get better. i get that. I've been doing this all my life.

The difference here is I don't have a guide that tells me what I should be doing. I'm lost and in the blue and therefor confused and frustrated and angry all the time. I fail and fail and feel hopeless. I guess it's cause I never had access to PUG's and PU material. Not a whole lot of it anyway.

Recently I found some so I'll just check that out for a while.
In a soccer match I had scored 3 goals, got two assists, and prevented two that our goalie was unable to stop. The end score was 5-1. At the end of that game All I thought about was that one goal I didn't stop. On the ride home I was thinking of where I was at on the field before the shot was taken and what I could've done differently. What I did wrong in that situation. I came up with an idea for guarding more than one opponent as I was focusing on that one goal I let slip by me.

How it works doesn't matter. It worked like a dream though. I had focused on that one mistake [and it wasn't even me who was supposed to stop that shot] and came up with a solution to my problem and learned to guard multiple opponents. Teams scored less goals on us since then.

Before then I had the worse shot. I dwelled on this and focused on why. As I was learning to kick the ball correctly I always dwelled on what I did wrong. I'd blast the hell out of the ball with great accuracy and still find something wrong with my shot. I would constantly correct that mistake.

In track and field all the races that were won were won because I constantly thought to myself . o O (I'm running too slow, I can do better). Then I'd put more effort into it. Even my personal best I felt wasn't fast enough and that I could do better. This caused me to get better times.


What I'm saying is, sure, focusing on the positives will give you peace of mind and all that jazz. I'm not looking for that I'm looking for success. I've always focused on the negatives. I see what went wrong and fix it. There is always something wrong.
Heh... Hard work isn't something to be enjoyed. It's a productive way to better your life. The fortunate get to enjoy it. It's the end result that brings me the most joy. Seeing the results.

Right now my real gripe is the time it's taking to learn seems rather slow. Not one of those igottaknowthisrightnowrightawaysoicangetlaid things. It's more of a "Okay, so it's been about a year and a half since I dumped Rose and I'm still single. Hmm..." thing.

The time isn't as important as knowing that I don't know what the fuck is going on. That's the frustrating part. Failure is fine when you learn from it.
Here's an example of why I'm so frustratingly enraged about the whole deal.

I meet Ali at a party and we talk and she's cool and we're talking about shit we both like and joking around for about an hour or so. We exchange Facebooks and she gives me her number. We talk for a while and I ask her out and she says "I'm not really looking for a relationship right now." [I think she's full of shit].
Less than a week later she meets some other guy, fucks him, and starts dating him [called it, she was full of shit. Fuck her].
FAILURE!!!
The failing part is annoying and all, but whatever there are millions of girls out there.
The irritating part is I don't know why she wasn't into me. I don't know why she was into other guy. I just understand that when a girl says "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." they're always full of shit. Learning this isn't useful information.

In Basketball, soccer, piano, etc.. when I fuck up I know it's something like my shot was off to the left or I hit C# when it should've been C. In the case of Ali I don't have a fucking clue and don't know what to correct.

Fuck my family...
Sorta... It's weird. They suck the life out of me so I just don't bother talking to them. Not until they show me they wont do this. My older brother apologized and stopped being a dick, so I talk to him. My mother is still a bitch so I don't speak to her at all. That's neither here nor there though.

I've always succeeded focusing on things like "I fucked up my serve because [insert reason] which is completely MY FAULT" while playing tennis. Even when I hit a service ace I still think "Okay, maybe the other player sucks ass, cause I still fucked up that serve because [insert reason] which is MY FAULT"

Constantly focusing on things like this is how I succeed. Cause I find the mistake and work the mistake out until it's no more. Then there are other mistakes that I work out until they are also no more. And I get better and better in the process.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Last time I post here. You choose to remain ignorant when people who are way better than you try to genuinely help you. You should stop talking & listen to people who got success. Listen to how they think and how they act and change something. I don't see how someone who doesn't have success at all can continue arguing with someone who's much better than him. I always shut my mouth and listen to people who're better than me, trying to learn from them as much as I can. If you don't change this behaviour, you will fail at this sorry..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k51zX4kIoGs[/youtube]

Blindly following someone isn't my style.
Personally I feel you are the ignorant one because you're just not fucking getting it.
You say you focus on the positive and this works for you. Maybe it gives you peace of mind of some shit, I don't know.

I focus on the negative and try to fix it. This makes me constantly improve as there is always negative.

This has always worked for me over and over consistently with everything I try to do. Focusing on the negative and getting rid of it works.

You may have more success but that doesn't make you better than me. No one is better than anyone. Maybe you're better at getting girls, but you aren't a better person. Possibly that wasn't what you meant when you said that.

Right now I actually have material to read and I'm doing it MY WAY. Because that is what has worked for in for everything else in life that I'm good at. YOUR way does not work for ME.

Micheal Jordan failed and failed but probably focused on what he did wrong and corrected his mistakes because he KNEW what he was doing wrong. Or at least had a general idea.


Don't get fucking pissed at me because I don't agree with your methods. Just cause I have less success doesn't mean I should jump on your fucking banwagon and do things your way. I've been in this boat plenty of times. Playing soccer some jackass told me he's better than me at the game so I should try to place like he does. But I saw something he didn't see. In that moment when I was a worse player I understood a path he didn't. I didn't bother doing it his way at all or trying to be like him. I went my own path.

A year later that same jackass sat on the bench and I was a starter and the mvp on my team. Because I did things MY way.


All I'm asking here is for material... but I've got that. So back to my own research.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

You continue to tell us all how good you are now at various sports in long prosaic fashion (although some of what you say about "soccer" leaves me wondering if you've ever played the game at any level higher than a kick around with a few mates in a park). But I don't really see what the entire point of this thread was. You asked for advice, people gave it you, you ignored it, you said you wanted to do it your way instead of the advice you've got, then you say you just want material (although I'm not sure how we can give you material when you seem to refuse to try out any of our methods), and now you've said you've found some material that you'll give a go, even though you don't know necessarily how that material will work - so basically, you're doing what we advised in the first place, in that you're now looking at some material to see if it works for you or not and you'll either stick with it if it doesn't, or disregard it if not.

So after far too many words and a lot of to-ing and fro-ing, this whole thread seems to have said a whole lot of nothing! :/

I wish the best of luck to you. You'll definitely need luck with your mentality. I guess some people are just never going to get it, from this moment on I'll stop beating my head to give advice to anyone from this forum. I read how you talk, analyse how you think & you're clearly on your way to failing. I've met tons of people who failed at getting good with girls; without luck or magical powers, you'll be just one of them, I'm just speaking the truth here, don't take this personally.

PS. Last year, I almost became a professional soccer player, I could've gotten drafted in the MLS. And you want to know how I got good? Every time I would play a bad game or had bad shooting average (I'm an offensive wing), I was never beating myself up. Never. I would go home and the simple belief that I was capable of achieving what I wanted was enough for me to keep me going. By focusing on the positive, you find joy in what you're doing so you become less outcome oriented and less written results oriented + believing that you honestly 100% can achieve what you want, success will come to you with T I M E. That means, going through the pain periods & not cry like a little baby.

That's it, I'm done with it. You can complain all you want, disagree all you want. I see it clearly as water simply when I read your posts. You are going to fail. You're not even willing to open your mind to new ideas who people much better than you at getting girls are trying to help you: a loser mentality; champions think and act the complete opposite of you. I wish you honestly the best of luck!


FlaiR

I completely agree with the above. This is plain silliness.

to the OP: From what i can make of the all the rubbish, you want to know what it is that you are saying or doing which makes you fail. Well, mate, this is it. Reread the entire thread. What you do here, is what makes you fail.

You piss off people who are trying to invest time in you. You either really dont see this or you are just here trolling. In the case that you really dont see it, i find it not so hard to believe you fail to see what these women are trying to invest in you. Instead, you just piss them off.

you got this air of negativity around you. If you are always looking for the negative parts in any interaction, like for example in this one, people will not like you. No matter what you say. If you had sex, the girl is going to look you in the eyes seeking that bonding time. But i honestly expect you to be sitting in a corner and think about how it is possible she only came once, and not twice.

However i dont intend to flame, you just piss me off. And i am pretty sure that i am not the only one.

But i ll go just one step further in an attempt to help out anyway: suppose you are really looking to improve your game and you seriously believe that it is something that you say or do wrong, i think that you should give at least some detailed information of the interaction. What we get now is: i meet Ali, we are cool, we talk, we joke around, fun fun fun, all of that in an hour, you ask her out she rejects. We know nothing. What has been said in that hour? Perhaps your perception was one of fun, but for all we know she might be embarrassed to be seen with you. Give us more details, if you remember conversations, give them. If you cant remember conversations, go out and make new ones, remember those.

if you bend my words, and you probably will in such way where we will read that i dont understand you and that i am missing the point, i got only one thing left to say: in that case, you are missing our point, which is: YOU PISS OFF everybody, which is why you fail with girls.

No offence intended. good luck wished to you.

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

Stop wasting your time and start up a journal. Your reptile brain is pushing back on the journal because you know that this is is a path that could lead to a different chemical cycle. Instead of going on a positive path, you're still here arguing about senseless BS because your brain is hungry for this negative crap. It loves getting riled up. It loves the disconnect. It loves getting fired up and pissing people off. Hey, your brain might like it but think about your lonely penis that is attached to your crotch that is attached to your torso that is attached to your neck that is attached to your brain. Continue on this path and the only friend your penis will have is your right hand.

This is going to be extremely difficult. You will come up with 100's of legitimate sounding excuses to continue whatever it is that you've been doing all your life. Many tasks in your journal will feel foreign and simply 'wrong'. . . but you're just going to have to will yourself to do what you know is right.

That's about it. . . Instead of creating a strategic journal, you're free to come up with any pick up topic you can imagine and create a post but most threads will end this way with no definitive answers, more anger tossed around, which only essentially supports your current habit of alienating the people around you. (This is the opposite of PICK UP)

Your talking about the difference between talent and skill.

People say jimi hendrix was talented but he spent years learning how to play the guitar

people say kobe bryant is talented but he spend years played basketball and is the hardest working player in the game

people say that cristiano ronaldo is a talented soccer player but he's spent his whole life around the game

people say Style is a great talented MPUA but he spent two years of his life practicing ever. single. day. with the best PUAs in the world he literally dedicated his life to it!

sure sometimes its natural and you love it but you'll only get better when you harness your skill through hours of hard work and dedication.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikHyDwyqdRM
will smith can explain it much better than me