@slip and slide - as mentioned before, i already reached out and when things got tedious it was me who was proactive about our dating. there just is no way of getting in contact again. the ball is so clearly on his field and there is a good reason why he isnt getting in touch. so its better to respect that than to force it.

please dont get me wrong and i really hope this doesnt come off as arrogant and i say this with enough experience over several years: i know i am pretty close to his dream girl (physically), we have amazing sex that drove him crazy, and we have several common interests.

looking at this from a logical perspective everyone would think that he would be an idiot not to reach out. but relationships are not purely logical, its not a maths equation. feelins come into play and somewhat muddle the rational aspects- there was a good reason why all this didnt strike him as much as it should have.

forcing it will not make things better, he needs to realize this himself.

according to a common friend he is taking things very wildly currently and really persuing one night stands like crazy. this doesnt sound like someone that wants to start afresh. this sounds like someone that is numbing the pain from the break up by distracting himself with sex.

U Google a Pick Up site - make an account - post Ur entire story; and then say that U dont have One-its, sure, thats believable.

So this guy is 'totally into U' while he is dating other ppl and then starts an affair while he is still engaged - What a Catch !!


Lets break it down 4U MissIlike2Bchased - Ur guy likes to chase and go for what he cant have, and U like to B chased. This makes a perfect cat and mouse game and yes you guys are a perfect pair. Only problem is - U both dont know when to end this chase and anytime either of you get comfortable the game seize to exists for you.

Ur guy doesnt have the maturity of handling a commitment and U dont have the intelligence of seeing that - nothing wrong with that, there are many people around who get into their 50s-60s with this attitude and many wud argue they are perfectly 'happy'

Had he wanted sex he wud have come straight to you instead of reactivating an online profile looking for sex. He isnt getting the 'kick' of the Chase now that he has 'gotten u'.

Ur best bet - keep dating other people and let him know subtly, dont be available and he will follow u like a puppy.

And if U want to put an end to this soap opera - drop him like a bad habit (U can argue w/ me but U arent capable off doing lettin him go)

Marc, aren't you being a little harsh? She's not some kid, she's a mature woman with reasonable expectations. Me thinks the guy is rebounding heavily, so let him do that and see what happens in two months.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Txacoli: Which part of the OP's post reflects maturity for you? What is resonable about her expectations? She is upset because in her mind she has a great body and the sex was great and yet the guy didnt bother coming back to her but instead went online and meat markets(bars/clubs) for sex.

If her friends wud've broken down her own behavior and the guys she is attracting, long time back for her, she wudnt have been this 31yr old spying on some guy on Facebook.

@ marc-

1) have i have been a silent reader of this site since nearly two years now.

2) i dont have one-itis since i already am seeing other guys. the truth of the matter however is that i havent met someone in the mean time yet that interests me as much. this is just a plain fact. but its not like years have passed, we are talking of 2,5 weeks so as soon as someone else drops by that is equally or more interesting i will go for it, no worrys!

3) "what a catch"? there is no need to be sarcastic or judgemental here. you dont know me and you dont know him.

4) he likes to chase what he cant have? what was it that he couldnt have? the notion that it gets boring for me as soon as things get comfortable is absurd. i was totally open in terms of dating him and seeing where it goes...not more and not less. where are you picking up the notion that i wanted to be chased???

and i also dont see that with him: is it so hard to conceive that he was in a unhappy relationship, started an affair and then didnt know whether he wanted to continue the relationship? you are constructing things that dont come into play here and are construing it to something more complicated than it was.

5) he doesnt have the maturity of handling a comittment. oh you have all figured out. geeze. how many guys have cheated on their girlfriends?! with that line of thinking one should toss out 85% of the male population. again: no need to get judgemental.

6) he never "had me". on he contrary: at no time did i set an ultimatum concerning his relationship, he was the one that wanted to define things...i always was like: hey lets have fun, lets not get complicated..i even flat out told him that i cannot promise that it will lead to a relationship with us and that i like him, but that my feelings dont go beyond that yet.

so ultimately: if he should have thought that he had me in the bag, he must have been snorting tons of coke.



7) syping on him on facebook? uhm...sorry, he is in my friendslist..does that make me a stalker when i automatically read stuff that appears on my front page?! or when common friends tell me things?

so you think it would be more mature of him to process and forget his past 3,5 year relationship/engagement within the blink of an eye (=9 days) that he had with a woman he loved and immediately start something new with someone else?

i am not a guy, but from what i have picked up it is common to distract oneself with sex after break ups, to test market value and to gain self esteem this way.

dont get me wrong: i appreciate the dissenting opinion, however the way you write is rather hostile when there is no need to be hostile.

Pretty much all of her posts reflect maturity. She's not acting like some drama queen bitching about a guy that just fucked her and moved on. She clearly likes him enough to pursue a LTR, even more than that, she probably likes him more than she liked someone in a while (op correct me if I'm wrong) but is mature enough not to lose her head. She seems very stable, independent woman who wants to keep her dignity.
Now, please be honest Marc, if all she said was written by a guy, wouldn't your reply be different?

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Absolutely NOT the idiocy wudn't fade even if one were to change genders- it wud only read something like - I slept w/ a girl who is engaged...she broke up w/ her fiance....went to bars/clubs to get a hit from guys chasing her while I'm waiting in for her to return my call.... It sounds equally stupid if a guy says this

i still dont know where the hostility is coming from...

Miss I like2Bchased-

Highlight in Ur OP the part where U R talking about the guy, then read my first post. Go watch a movie, clear your head and think about it - then comeback to reply.
If u've been on this forum 4 long, as U say, U'd know by now this is the way 19yr old virgins argue.They too retreat such statements in 2yrs time after getting some pussy and maturing.

Why didnt he breakup w/ the girl before starting an affair if he was soo unhappy. And why didnt he have an affair w/ the girl he cheated on his fiance with? You wre ready weren't U?

And U are sitting here and defending his lack of maturity and lack commitment by saying 85% of guys cheat on their girlfriends - Where did U get that Stats from
Oh my heart reaches out to U poor lil innocent puppy He banged the shit out of U - He got what he wanted
Why not sex w/ U when U are 'readily' available. U dont get it he likes 'the chase' and there isnt any left with U, whether you find it rude or me being hostile.

Fair enough, I just don't think she's an idiot for feeling the way she does. Maybe because I can relate to her, after you're past 30 it's not that easy to find someone that interests you enough to actually get into a LTR. Criteria are a bitch.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

The only thing that maturity and experience does to you is help in weeding out the ones EARLY ON who aren't a match for you. It doesn't teach you to look for an LTR in a person who is 'chasing tail' while engaged to someone and then goes straight to meat market forgetting about both the girls.

marc- i dont know where you come from, who you are or what your issue is. but as far as i can tell the only one here that is immature is you. your tone and hostility is inacceptable and i will refrain from answering your posts although i would have enjoyed a mature discussion with you.

It's not all black or white, you know, and you weed out A LOT anyways. If you feel a connection with someone, it's worth pursuing it, it doesn't happen often that after all your experience and emotional baggage you meet someone that suits you 100% (like the op experienced). And it's also my experience that guys tend to hit the meat market in a rebound phase, it's no rocket science, especially after a LTR. I'm not going to go into morals or personality traits of a person who is chasing tail while engaged, I don't judge without knowing the details and I know what it means to be unhappy and make mistakes in life (and no, I didn't cheat on anybody), but I know enough to know that principles and convictions can also change and being unhappy is not worth sticking to arbitrary rules. Not to mention a ticking clock because you're getting old. When a clock is ticking and you meet someone special, you'd be a fool not to pursue it. It's fine to be alone and be happy alone, you just don't settle after a while, you can't anymore. But then comes somebody that brings you a feeling you haven't felt in years, well..

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Txacoli: Agree with Ur last post, its worth pursuing someone who is a complete match and U connect with them well. And yes some guys do hit the meat market for sex after a break up. But look at the pattern of events the guy in the OP has shown. Its no rocket science to figure he likes to chase irrespective of anything else. This is probably not the first time he has treated a girl like our lil Miss I like2Bchased and certainly not going to be the last one.


Miss I like2Bchased - Mature discussion, why not ? I'd let you start off by exhibiting some maturity.

Some thoughts for your maturity though:

1) U pick a guy for an affair who is already engaged with a girl - how do you know his relationship was sour, did he tell you that?

2)How do you know that the sex was awesome for him and you guys were a 100% match - did he tell you that?

3) How do you know that he wasnt banging other girls while engaged to someone and sleeping with you?

4) What makes you think that you didnt cause enough drama in the guy's life and more so in that girl's life who was engaged to him? Her family must have told everyone about the wedding, they must have bought their dresses and planned everything. All this while their would be son in law is banging another girl.

MissIlike2bchased - the fact is you probably have a strong desire to be with guys who are unavailable or with someone. Even if this is your first time, which I doubt, this wud probably not be the last. You don't have 2reply to me neither do I have to write on your thread. There are lesser stupider ppl around here who can use some advise. But yes try this - Highlight in Ur OP the part where U R talking about the guy, then read my first post. Go watch a movie, clear your head and think about it

And Its the way you do things that you've always been doiong that has gotten u these results today. Unless U break ur own pattern, you'll cont. to land urself in such situations.

At least we agree on something

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.