It's really starting to bug me.

Almost every time I get a girl's #, or hook up with her, or even lay her, I always find myself being the one who initiates contact the next time. Text, call, Facebook, whatever.

And it's not like I'm with them, get home, and immediately call them. I'll be with them, won't hear from them for a couple days, and then contact them. And they're happy to be with me, and we do our thing. But they almost never contact me first, and it's really starting to get annoying.

How do I fix this?

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D.G.A.F. isn't just a state. It's a lifestyle.

It's not very ladylike to do masculine things like initiate contact. She doesn't want to look like a slut who chases dick. Why does it bug you to bear the masculine responsibility of initiation? It's a societal standard that's very easy to work with, and it actually gives you an opportunity to assert masculine energy to attract her feminine essence.

Makes sense when you put it that way... although I do see some of the guys on here saying how a girl will initiate contact with them sometimes. I've always figured that if I'm always the one contacting them, it makes me seem needy and very off-putting, like I don't have better things to do. Plus it's prob an ego thing; people contacting you makes you feel wanted, which makes you feel good about yourself, etc.

Idk, as much progress as I've made I'm still figuring out the basic rules to non-platonic male-female relations. I guess it's normal for the guy to contact the woman and not be contacted by her at all?

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D.G.A.F. isn't just a state. It's a lifestyle.

I wouldn't say that it's normal to not be contacted by her at all; it's just more natural for the man to contact the woman.

The man contacts the woman, the man approaches, the man risks rejection by asking her out, the man initiates escalation, the man goes in for the kiss, the man leads her to the bed, and man leads the foreplay, the man does most of the thrusting, etc.

Also, the man leads in dance.

Anything that involves overt initiation or leading is the masculine role. Sure, women will do more subtle things like standing closer to you to try to "initiate" something, but we men don't really count that as initiation.

Sure, sometimes a girl will initiate contact with me, especially if we're already fucking... but I'm still the one who usually initiates contact because I'm playing the masculine role. A lot of these girls just want to play the passive "just sit there and look pretty" role and have men come to them, which is absolutely fine. I can come to them without coming off as needy because I am truly not needy.

Another reason that girls normally don't contact me first is because I'm usually not too deeply involved with any particular one, so it's not like I'm making them obsessed with me in any way. There's absolutely no need for that. And, there's absolutely no need for EGO. People contacting you makes you feel wanted? Fuck that shit, just get fucking laid first. Don't worry about ego shit. Just drop ego; it can REALLY get in your way in this game.

I would say that the guys who try to focus on the more ego-related goals like getting the girl to contact you and shit are really expending a lot more effort and creating a lot more opportunities to fuck up than what's needed for seduction. It should be a lot simpler than that.

Good points. I've already learned from Stormy to learn to drop my ego. It's just a bastard.

I guess I'll try initiating contact more. Thanks for setting this straight for me.

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D.G.A.F. isn't just a state. It's a lifestyle.

RedBaron, you need to work on getting the girls more invested in you. Women place value on men and group them as "options" relative to one another. We do this intuitively with all women, friends, and family.

People gravitate towards whatever feels good. Be a distraction. When she`s having a bad day because of stress, boredom, or whatever, she`ll think of you. If you`re just getting to know her, do things that will make her feel good. Being a distraction means staying away from discussing her problems or anything negative. Acknowledge it, give a hug, then move on. Change the subject.

I often encounter women with "a lot of guy friends" and they are challenging this way. The hardest part is getting your foot in the door. The rest is making a good impression and escalating that.

Some ways to do this:

1) Have high value sex. I.e. she thinks sex with you is better than her other options. You will know this because she will tend to initiate contact.

2) Have high value attitude. I.e. you`re positive. Being around you will put her into a positive state of being.

3) Build more rapport and comfort I.e. this comes with time, but have a closer connection with her than her other options. Make her feel like you two resonate. Make her feel understood. Make her feel like she can open up to you and be herself and talk to you about whatever she wants.

4) Flirting over text. Randomly say stuff like, Oh I feel like doing something exciting today! Then ignore a bit if they write back.


This is a start. There`s reading materials specifically for hooking investment from women. I hope this helps.

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Good or bad, you were still attracted enough to comment on it.

I think you may have a sticking point in your game. A PUA friend once told me that after the first lay, the dynamic should change. Before, you chase her. After, she chases you, for a number of reasons: women get more easily attached and will want more; she won't want to feel like a slut, so getting in touch with you makes her feel less cheap; etc.

Having paid attention to it, I've found he's right. If I haven't bagged a girl, I have to initiate everything. But after the initial lay, all I do is go silent and she'll start chasing. So even if you like one, freeze her out after the first lay and she will pursue. On top of what I wrote above, girls love a challenge and need validation. Make it work in your favor.

I'm more concerned with hooking investment with girls I haven't laid yet, but this is great stuff. Thanks Blackbelt.
I think this is my primary reason why I'm sticking, and not just with women. I'm currently dealing with a break-up as well as graduation... so I've been depressed a lot lately, and dumping on my friends. So I'm probably creating a more negative SPAM about me that shows to not only my friends but women as well. I'm definitely going to change this.

Stuff like this and studying natural game is helping me understand more and more that the secret to pick-up isn't routines or canned methods... it's all about bringing positive energy with you and genuinely having fun. We shouldn't be looking to seduce women... we should be looking to have fun and be the best we can be. With that, the women will come in droves.

The goal isn't sex. The goal is fun. Sex is (should be) a side effect of that.

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D.G.A.F. isn't just a state. It's a lifestyle.

That's a ridiculous rationalization and, in the back of your mind, you know that.

Seduction is what's fun here.

You make a really good point on the ego issue chief Iv had a problem with my ego and still kinda do it really can affect your game in more ways than you realize.