There’s something wrong with my game, I’m not keeping girls interested.

My typical interactions with women are listed below. This is what I always do when I meet a new girl, unfortunately it’s not getting me the results I want! Please read this, and let me know where I’m wrong, and how to correct my mistakes. I’m making these mistakes over and over and it’s frustrating. This has been happening for about a year...

First meeting: I’ll meet a girl at a bar, coffee shop, bookstore, wherever. I’m a fan of natural game, I will walk up to a girl that catches my eye and say hello, or ask a question about something appropriate for the situation. Questions could be “hey how would you cook this” if we’re in a supermarket, or if she’s reading a bicycle magazine in a coffee shop, I’ll walk over and say “I’ve always wanted to mountain bike, is this a hobby of yours”? Etc, etc. I’ll transition away from the initial question or tease that got her attention in the first place and take the conversation more personally and try to learn a little more about her. I’ll do light kino, touch the shoulder if appropriate, joke, neg, basic stuff. If the conversation is going in a good direction, I’ll ask for her number.

I like to get in, get the number and get out. I enjoy going out on dates with girls, so the sooner I can get the number the better. I can make a good first impression, not stick around too long and then get in touch with her in a day or two to set something up where we can actually hang out and have a good time.

Before the first date: I’ll send a text message to her the next day, or two days after meeting her. Girls expect guys to follow the “3 day rule”. I text when I want to text, if that’s the day after, I’ll text. I’ll say something flirty, maybe a joke about something we spoke about, ask some questions about her and get to know her a little bit before the first date.

I text to set up the next date. I know some guys are anti texting, but this is the way younger people communicate these days. I’m 25 and consider myself an adult, but friends of mine all text so much more than they use the phone. I don't hound the girl with text messages, just a few here and there.

Date #1: I pick her up on time, I drive, I pay for the date. I pick an action date, or something unique that she most likely has not experienced with a guy. I like to be different, but also comfortable. That’s why I’ll do two activities in one date. An example of my dates can be go karts and drinks, rock climbing and dessert, a haunted house and drinks, amusement park and a bite to eat. You know something FUN besides dinner and a movie. While I’m on the date, I subdue my sexual desires and don’t make it obvious that I want to get in her pants. After all I want to learn all I can about the girl so I keep things fun and light. I keep the conversation very light, I ask a lot of questions, joke at times, agree and challenge at times. But overall, I’m taking her out to learn if she’s someone who I can see myself spending more time with. My jokes are not sexual at all, my kino is very innocent. Touching her leg quickly, if we’re in a noisy club, I’ll lean in and put my arm around her back while she’s talking to me, pushing her when she jokes, if she bites back and touches back then I continue to do this innocent kino on her throughout the night. After the date is over, we continue to talk in the car, I end the date with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. 9 times out of 10 after the first date I’ll get a text thanking me for the night, and she had a lot of fun. I’ll respond with I had fun with you too, we need to do it again soon.

On the date, I talk to her as if she was “one of the guys”. I don’t hold long pauses, I don’t hold long eye contact, I don’t escalate sexual kino, I keep it very, very innocent. I try not to give them any special attention different than I would act with a friend of mine. After all I want to separate myself from every other guy who just wants to get in her pants. If I am genuinely interested in what she has to say, doesn’t that make me better than any other guy? Apparently not! But this is where my head is at. I’m starting to notice the problems...

Time in between dates: I text the girl every other day, again innocent flirty texts, jokes about our previous date, a few questions about her and what makes her tick, and obviously setting up the next date.

I feel that I should text in between dates to keep the girl interested in you. In my situation, I don’t see the girls every day. I don’t have the luxury of being on a college campus anymore, so I will mostly see these girls on the weekend. What do you do during the week? I text, right? Don’t I get brownie points for being interested in her while I’m not with her? I thought so…

Date #2: Same as date #1. Exactly the same in every detail. Obviously we change the venue of the date, do another action date, but I don’t escalate sexually. I escalate verbally, asking more questions about her. After the date, I drop her off at her house and go in for the kiss. Then the cycle continues. The 3rd date could be more chill, movie or something. But I rarely get to a 3rd date now, or if I do, the girl’s attitude isn’t the same as before.

I guess what I’m seeing typing this out is that girls seem like they’re being interviewed, but I don’t feel like it’s like that. I ask questions about what they do for fun, about their friends, interesting topics and the occasional serious topic. Am I putting myself in the “friend zone” by acting this way? Am I friend zoning myself by NOT being overly sexual with the girl when we are out together?



Girls are just not staying interested, i know i'm the problem. When i'm talking to a girl, I don't talk like the "nice guy AFC", but perhaps i'm acting like one non-verbally. Hopefully you guys can point out where i'm crashing and burning because there's a very key part of my game that's wrong!