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Understatements - I don't fear approaching women. I don't fear rejection.
I fear the embarrassment that would be caused by the rejection.
I fear that after rejection I would not able to look into the eyes (make the same amount of eye contact) of the people surrounding the event.
I think and feel that if the approach didn't happen at all, hence the rejection never occurred, I would have a chance to become great friends with the people surrounding the event, but because I approached and she turned me down, something (can't really get a word for it) happened and now I cant look them in the eye. Even though I may keep ignoring the same people even if we were introduced, I seriously don't / wouldn't like to jeopardize a chance if the other end of the barter is rejection.
Its the same thing like when you do an embarrassing thing and then its difficult to look people in the eye that surround the event.
I don't know whether I think its my value and self esteem that goes from rejection and that I seek validation of my status from the people surrounding the event, like I am doing this only to prove some point of my personality, like I don't care what you think, but I really want to rate (validate) whatever I do.
I mean i know I am not supposed to care what other people think, I try too but I don't know what's wrong here.
Truly if you were to tell me to open a girl, this thing is the only thing that would stop me from doing that.
Wow, first off I'd like to congratulate you. Not many people have such massive insight about themselves.
This is YOUR belief system... but it's not reality, sorry
It's reality to you.. you make it real, you belief it.
I can talk forever about belief systems and write 15 pages full, but I'm not. What you can do however and what I found to be most effective is to "Reframe it", so that rejection is a good thing = win-win.
If there's nothing to lose it would be silly NOT to go for it right?
Whenever you get rejected, you'll grow as a person. Because for every rejection, you'll learn how to handle it (in-field!) and in some cases be able to turn it around.
Not only that, you'll grow as a person (and become better with woman you're interested in) just by interacting with woman you're interested in
Every time you'll be able to have better conversations, because you've done it before. You'll be more comfortable = not nervous = confident.
Most guys see the outcome of approaching girls, as either success or failure.
By doing this, it’s likely that any unsuccessful results will dishearten them, and lead to them eventually giving up.
However, approaching is really win-win. The obvious win is going and getting numbers, dates and girlfriends. But even if you go and get completely blown out, you still win because you will have gained a funny story to tell someone later.
Develop the mindset (=belief) that approaching can either go really well, or be really funny.
As well as having more fun this way, by not being outcome-dependent, you are relieving the girl of any tension that she would feel for being put on the spot, having to make a critical decision.
If she can sense that it doesn’t matter to you what happens, she is able to relax, and your conversations will be a lot smoother.
Reframing is definately the best option... no matter what happens, you'll win.
Most people make the goal of the interaction to get sex. When I tried changing my goal to: connecting to people, I thought I did, but in the end I was fooling myself, because I still wanted sex from girls. The urge for sex was greater than the urge to connect with another human being, in my mind anyway.
Instead change your goal to improving as a person, improving your conversational skills, improving your seductive skills, etc.
Because if your goal is sex, you're gonna be face with all these obstacles, and you'll be discouraged when you didn't reach your goal, this will not make you in control of your happiness because it lies in other people's hands.
Instead what you want to do is make your goal on improving as a person. When is the goal reached? At the minute you say hello. No conversation goes the same, hence you've improved your skills.
Does it matter whether you get rejected or not? Nope, your goal is reached... interaction isn't going anywhere? stay in there, milk it out, try to change it around, work on improving your skills.
No matter how badly you'll get rejected, you'll be happy and fulfilled, why? Because you've gave it everything you fucking got and your goal is reached, no dissapointment, no regret. Getting numbers, dates, sex and girlfriends is just extra, not your main focus/goal.
Also, the only way to really get over your fear of thinking that other people care about you approaching woman is to.... well, do it anyway and see that it's just YOUR belief and not reality.... in reality they don't give a shit. Like 90% don't even notice and 10% see it, and out of that 10%, 9% will be jealous of you having the balls to do it... the other 1%... well.... screw them. You don't want to be friends with them anyway.
Man... I tried to keep it short haha, sorry man
CHAT
