recently i met a girl (HB8) and all went well untill i got her in the bedroom and all of a sudden, she seemed to want all the power, she pulled away from a kiss.
After a few games got pissed and said 'she should stop trying to prove herself to me and to just kiss me' in a cheeky way still.
that work and it flowed on but in general she was still lazy in bed. how you you guys deal with this?

Define lazy in bed.... You mean, you had to do all the sexual work, or what? Give details - unless it makes you uncomfortable of course.

i am guessing when you say lazy you mean she doesn't get physical as in you have to do all the work. Well you should play a little game where she 'shows you her skills' and then you 'show her your skill'.Think of it as a f*ck and tell.

lazy as in, im the one doing all the work. i.e im on top and would have to literaly ask her to get on top (mood killer and have not done this)
She likes to have sex but is lazy with foreplay aswell again i am doing all the work, even though she will initiate it. i have slept with this girl twice and do not want it to become a routene where she is comftorable to be lazy!!
can you explain this game more?
any other advice from anyone?

Hi Taste21,

I have experienced the same thing with women. Read my story below. It's a warning. You need to deal with this in the early stages. If you cannot resolve it you'll have to decide if it's worth moving on or not.

When I was married my ex would initiate sex by say she wanted it but from that point on I was making all the moves. Apart from kissing me she did nothing to help. The sex was plain vanilla intercourse in just a few positions - missionary, doggie, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl. Nothing else. She made up for the lack of variety by being energetic about it and wanting it multiple times. I asked several times for oral sex , giving and receiving but that was not an option for her. I tried to encourage her physically by kissing near her vagina but still no interest and pushed away.That aspect of our sex life always gnawed at me as I knew she had oral sex with previous boyfriends.The worst aspect was that she always wanted me to masturbate her to orgasm. I had no problem with that and it's a good feeling making someone come like crazy BUT she never would do it for me despite my asking and moving her hands into place! She didn't even help when I was struggling to keep erect after a multiple session where she wanted more. Add in the factor that she would never go on the pill so it was condoms used all the time.I hate sex wearing a condom. Sex became a chore for me. I felt that my sexual needs were not being met and she lacked consideration.It made me quite resentful and pretty much destroyed the marriage.

You need to talk to this girl and explain you'd like her to be more active in bed. Explain to her that being too passive is a turn off for you. Explain what things you find a turn on.Do all this kindly and do NOT threaten. Listen to any of her objections.In my experience of this ,if a woman makes a clear objection to do some particular thing then she isn't going to change her mind. You have to decide whether you can live with it or not.

thanks for the reply skypirate.
im am only seeing this girl and think it would be a little bit forward of me to bring it up as a serious matter this soon. but will deffinatly keep in mind for the future.

i joked around with her and basicly got that she has never had to do the work in bed as the man always fucks her! i can understand why
same as she said she never has had to chase a man before.
but im not having it like that so sex stops untill she makes an effort cause women want it as much as men but are just so much better at hiding it. no effort and she is gone.
views on this?

Sometimes its not just a matter of laziness. A couple of girls I slept with were the same way. They're not very vocal about what they want in bed. Sometimes they don't know what they like, other times they're programmed into thinking that its wrong for a girl to be sexually aggressive.

Challenging them might work if it is a matter of just being content to be the passenger but in my experience this usually isn't the case.

I think its simply a matter of communication and intimacy that can help here. Get a sex board game. Try out every position in the kama sutra. Ask her to show you how she likes to be fucked and then reciprocate. Guide her with your hands. Ask her to come up with a role-play that she would like to live out. Tell her to talk dirty to you by asking her questions instead of just barking orders. Tell her how much you like to hear her talking during sex. Eventually these things will become second nature to you two.

hi Taste21,

remember that the early stages of a relationship almost set the entire framework or rules for it. Don't put it off too late or you could end up in the situation I was in. Trust me it's not much fun once the passivity gets to you. I think you do have to accept that if you want her to take a more active role then it needs to change and sadly I think you should walk away if she cannot or will not oblige. I guarantee if you don't keep her sexually satisfied she'll have no hesitation in seeking it outside the relationship or ditch you. in a ltr it's hard to maintain sexual interest when you are not satisfied yourself. Good luck with it but be prepared to walk away.

jpow1981

I think you're right when you say that some girls are not vocal about what they want and some are inexperienced that they don't actually know.Some girls just need encouragement by talking and physically leading. I think it's wrong to imply that this will work for every girl in every situation. Some have threshold sexual acts which they simply will not do. I mean there's a lot of sexual acts which others find a turn on but don't do a thing for me.Some disgust me. It's the same for some women. Take for example porn stars and prostitutes - sexually liberated but some of them don't do certain acts

I had this problem with girls before. She doesnt seem like she lacks experience so the reason is she likes the chase. I would try giving her a night of railing. Go at it as many times as you possibly can in one night. Give her one in the morning too. Then stop talking to her.
This has worked for me before and kinda of backfired. It was a girl who I used to date and she had a boyfriend at the time. I wasn't really interested in her but she had a boyfriend and I cheated on her when I dated her. I figured it would be awesome to get a girl who i previously cheated on to cheat on her boyfriend with me.
I figured I'd get as much as I could in one night and not hang out with her anymore. She still booty calls to this day because of it.

I was in a relationship with a girl who was always boring in bed. I would take her to the toy store to make things more interesting but that probably wouldn't help you since toys are all about her.

Good Luck.


Spread Love
-Ders

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders

You're not talking about Toys R Us are you?

A great way to combat this is to take care of it before you get in bed. You want the girl to feel so comfortable with you that you can talk about the deepest of things, you want her to be able to spill her guts to you and not have to worry about you judging her. The result=hot sex for both of you because she isn't worried what you will think about her

_________________
If you can't attract a woman you are, by definition sterile" ~Mystery

Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude."
Zig Ziglar

To win you have to risk loss.
Jean-Claude Killy

Talk is fine and I agree in principle that it is a necessary thing. But just making her comfortable doesn't mean she will do ANYthing. Womens fantasies can be pretty extreme and to some they want to keep them as just fantasies. Having read My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday I'm not surpised they do want them kept secret.

For me I just have to qualify girls/women early on - no interest in oral sex and I'm looking elsewhere.

hey thanks for all the replies. have been busy at uni.
mixed opinions there, but im getting the vibe and agree maybe she doesnt feel comftorable but im keeping a strong sexual tension and dont want to kill it yet. im gonna go give her the night of her life but try to encourage her to get more involved. it might just not work out ill check back and let you know how it goes.

cheers for the replies

Also keep in mind you want to be escalating kino throughout the comfort phasee too. Don't forget two steps forward and one step back so you're the one in control.

_________________
If you can't attract a woman you are, by definition sterile" ~Mystery

Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude."
Zig Ziglar

To win you have to risk loss.
Jean-Claude Killy

I just read this again and it seems like she wants to be dominated, not "in control." Once you plow her to the point of exhaustion she might want to be on top. Maybe she's no good on top or doesn't know what to do. Even if she's uncomfortable a good way to make her let go of her inhibitions in sex, you have to do the same thing. Talk dirty to her. Choke her out. Pull her hair. Even if she's not into the kinkier things it will make her more comfortable doing anything less.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders