Hi guys need a bit of advice. 2.5 months ago this girl came on to me. She seemed really keen. Foolishly I got a dose of oneitis, dropped my game, started losing my nerve and sadly I think she started losing interest. She kept on giving indications that we would hook up but often flaked due to work etc

I went back to my home country for a month and apart from a NHY general e-card tried a freeze out.

Whilst away I got her nicely out of my head by getting some other girls but when I returned to the country where I work I set her a text to say I'm back but she replied with I have a bf who was formerly her friend.

I sent her a text back as quickly as I could to show I was not deliberating too long about this. I said that it was unfortunate, I enjoyed our time together but I can't be friends (what she offered, enjoyed talking etc) because I would just be cracking on to her again so she should get back to me when she was single again, best of luck with her new job.

I wanted to show she had not hurt me ( but she did) and that I was withdrawing my attention. Did I get this right? I want to know what to say In the future if I'm booted to the friend zone.

In hindsight she treated me badly eg ignoring texts etc so I don't think she deserves my friendship anyway but do I look miserable by saying this?

Hey Scoredraw,
You played the game fine up to this point, this is where you have the dilemma of what to do. Your text is along the right lines, in my opinion, but ideally some things should be modified.

Once in this situation where the girl has got a bf, you have two choices:

1. Let her be due to morals
2. Seduce her.

With the latter option, you have to do exactly that, you can't be doing some friendzone shit, which is why it was good that you did not say you'd be friends with her. You have to work the imagination, accelerate her emotions and be 'that guy' she got with whilst in a relationship.

Best thing to do in your text, was to cut out all the 'I still care for you and good luck in the future' shit, and just say after the bit about not being friends, something about discretion and how you would still seduce her:

HB: I've got a bf now, LJBF.

PUA: That's cool, although I'm not interested in friendship at the moment. I'll just put it this way, I understand the need for discretion .

You can jazz that up how you like, but that's the raw essence. It'd be ideal to make her invest in some way before giving that SOI, perhaps by making her qualify or jumping through a hoop of yours, but yeah.

Finally as I always say, best to let girls with bf's be unless he is a prick or something. If you're going with this option (the former option), then friendzone the girl and use her as socialproof and a gateway to more girls.

I follow a different philosophy when it comes to the LJBF speech.

I think that if a girl LJBFs you, the best thing you can do (and the least needy) is to completely agree with it. Don't drag your feet, don't put on any fronts about going with other girls instead, just agree. Be like "I agree, we should just be friends".

When given the LJBF speech, the majority of guys whine (NEEDY), argue (NEEDY), or turn it down ("No, I don't want you as a friend; I have enough friends" = NEEDINESS IN DENIAL = SUPER NEEDY). All these things are needy and will get you permanently shut out. Believe me, I know; I did this crap for years.

When you agree with the LJBF speech ("Let's just be friends. No, for real, let's just be friends"), it mentally fucks girls up. They have completely lost all power over you; you've flipped the script on them. When done properly (meaning with true belief), the LJBF speech becomes nothing more than LMR. Its basically like a freeze out.

This demonstrates attractiveness and value on so many levels. First off, it demonstrates complete non-neediness. You like her, but you are not attached to the outcome. It also demonstrates a mindset of abundance: you like her, but you aren't hurt, angry, or upset, because you know you can have other girls (but don't actually say it!). LESSON: Don't say what you can sub-communicate instead! Also, if you do this, you're probably going to start hanging out with her even more, because this is a massive comfort booster. Shes knows you are secure enough that she can hang out with you exclusively without worrying about drama or outcomes, right up until you close her anyway.

Look, if you're getting the LJBF speech, that means that at some point she probably liked you, and was or is still sending you IOIs. Just because she doesn't want to date RIGHT NOW doesn't mean she isn't still into you. Trust me, as long as you're still hanging out, you can continue to build attraction and comfort, which means you can still close.

I NEVER overcame the LJBF speech until I stared doing this. I actually stumbled on it by accident last summer. I don't usually get the LJBF speech anymore, but have gotten it twice in the last 6 months, and both times I overcame it and closed within a week.

Even in the unlikely event that this doesn't work out (you probably weren't going to get her anyway), god forbid you still have her as a friend! And not just any friend: a girl who likes you and will socially proof you to other girls. The other guy who whined, argued, or said "I don't want you as a friend" will get the negative SPAM instead.

^I think guruOz has some great ideas there.

I would just like to clarify that my advice is not for the LBJF speech in general. It is for this dude's specific situation, because the girl you like has already shown interest and invested previously: Have fun.

Thanks a lot for your input and advice guys. Yes there's some different ideas here and I can see the validity in them all. Actually Rafiel's first option is the same really as Guruoz's; just accept the friendship. I do feel a bit uncomfortable continuing to game if she has a new BF, particularly as I'm in Taiwan and in Chinese culture guys get insanely jealous. There's a story about an English teacher that picked the wrong girl a few years ago and ended up with his balls sown up in his mouth!



[When given the LJBF speech, the majority of guys whine (NEEDY), argue (NEEDY), or turn it down ("No, I don't want you as a friend; I have enough friends" = NEEDINESS IN DENIAL = SUPER NEEDY).]

I think you are dead right here Guruoz. Locking this girl out as a friend was a really dumb move. She was one of my students (I'm an EFL teacher)and we vibed really well in class, by declining the friendship I may have negated all those good feeling she had as she thinks 'Oh he just wanted to fuck me" Plus I look like I have no control over my emotions and I have locked myself out. Wish I had got some advice here first.

So I have said 'I don't think I can be your friend as I would always be trying to pick you up but I still like you, let me know if you become single again'

Would it look too foolish if I now said 'hey I have though it over and I was being a prick of course I can be your friend' or should I just let it go?

I don't see anything wrong with that at all.