So, I've been single for about 9 months now and started getting myself back out there.

A lot of my game came right back to me like a fish to water, but I seem to be trapped in a certain sticking point: I can't seem to get them to talk to me the night after anymore.

Initiate fine, not nervous or weird in the slightest. Make a bit of chit chat fine. See ioi's, hit them with negs if necessary, pass shit tests, etc etc all fine. Hell I've even been able to escilate to K-close a few times now shockingly easy (I -never- K-closed back in the day). Get her number when the nights going to end and decide to pick things later.

This is where I fall off a cliff. No matter what I do, I can -never- seem to get them to respond to a text after that night. Not once. I've failed at least 10 times now and its aggravating as hell. I've tried just saying "hey" to start a conversation, I've tried being funny, witty, invite them to this or that, make light conversation, try to "continue conversation through txt" after leaving, nothing. I've instantly txt'd them after leaving, waited a few hours, waited a few days, waited a few weeks, timeframe doesnt seem to be the issue.


So, thats where you guys come in. I'm going to share last nights run (in light detail) and I where things stand, and I want input on how to best approach contacting this girl to get a second meetup.


me and my bud went out for a few rounds of pool and a few beers last night, nothing major. small group of 5 or 6 people including a girl who is obviously into me but not a potential target. I mention her because she gave me a bit of social proofing through the night.

anyway, near closing time, I go up to the bar to get one last drink before its too late and there's a girl I noticed earlier that night sitting at the bar, this is where instinct kicks in from my past.

I wound up standing next to her while trying to order a drink. I noticed she had one of those giant samsung phones so i made a random comment "jesus that phones huge...looks like a tablet". this opened up conversation between us. we chatted about phones a bit, she made a joking neg at me when seeing my phone "your phones tiny" to which I responded "yea, but thats the only thing that is" in a joking and cocky sort of way. We chit chatted a bit more, she noticed my earrings and made a comment about them, so we talked about piercings a bit (she had a few and some small gauges in her ears)

she wound up telling me she worked at the bar for years and just came to see some friends, told me where she works now (I dont remember), then I went to walk off and said goodbye, getting her name (i also forgot her name)

at that point I caught myself and took a step back to her at the last minute before walking off, said I'm just now back in town after spending the last few years elsewhere and would like to get to know a few people, she happily gave me her number.

My phone gave some kind of error when trying to store her number, so I wound up just calling it so its in the call logs, we said our goodbyes and that was that.

a few minutes after I left, I sent her a quick text "give me your full name so I can store it" , never heard back from her. This is what made me realize I'm in my sticking point again.

So, I have three delimas:
-I don't remember her name. Im -horrible- with small details like that, thats why i sent her the text, cause i figured itd be easier to get it again moments after the meeting than days later.

-I don't remember where she said she works, thought hats not a big deal if I can just get her to respond

-She hasnt responded to the short txt, and knowing my track record lately, she wont respond at all unless I can fix this issue.


I wasnt pushy, I didn't force anything, the conversation was fun and felt natural, so help me out guys. What do I do to get her to respond? How do you go about the next contact in situations like this?

Honestly, she isn't that important (not to make that sound mean), I'm not that desperate to try and talk to her so there's no hint of awkwardness or anything like that, I just have no clue what to do. My main goal is to make new male and female friends around here to expand my social circle to find some real prospects, but I seem to be failing majorly at this.


*edit* ok good news, checked the # on facebook and found her, I now know her name and where she works...I guess thats a plus

firstly you need to fuck something. its been 9 months, just fuck a few girls, just break urself back into it. then when you go to the clubs remember ur not exactly there to pick up a high ambitioned girl, they are gf material and you dont want that right? so try and fuck them that night....i dont get the whole next day thing.... i always fuck same night club girls there drunk...why would you want to meet up the next day? they are already drunk bro, thats right there, the best situation.

I see where you're coming from, but your mistake is assuming my goals are the same as the rest (ie most) pua's, which its not.

i came out of a long term relationship, yes it's been 9 months. yes ive fucked other girls since. no i'm not trying to get her back (anymore), no I'm not hung up on her, but I'm personally not ready to be sexually active with others yet ive discovered, the few times I did it literally made me sick after, felt like absolute shit. "No girl is of high enough quality" attitude currently, so I enjoy the attention, the notches in my belt for creating attraction/kissing/etc, I wouldn't mind seeing a few casually, but I'm not looking for a quick fuck and im not looking for a girlfriend. Mostly just trying to re-create a social circle with prospects and have some fun in-between. (Without going into details my entire life literally started over)

I also enjoy sarging/# closing / K-closing because it gives me a form of high which I'm sure many of you can relate to

Anyway, back to the point, I'm not looking to quick-fuck random girls I catch drunk. I'm interesting in creating attraction, seeing a few casually, and expanding social circles. All of which require getting past this sticking point.

Hey mate, flaking like this is a huge sticking point... It's pretty much one that 80% of guys have to learn to overcome. Happily it's not too hard to work through, just frustrating. Sadly, it won't be your last big sticking point.

Anyway, the first thing you need to think is this. 90% of the time, consistent flaking = consistent lack of rapport. The other 10% of the time is reserved for guys who are horribly calibrated, and say creepy or rude things without realising. Reading your post, I don't put you in this 10%, so that leaves rapport. Think about it this way....

You are at a house party, and you meet a guy... some friend of a friend. Anyway, you guys have a chat, he seems like a nice enough dude, he says you should totally come out sometime to a local club, you say 'yeah sure why not', and you exchange numbers.... he texts you on friday to say he's heading out on sat night, why don't you come along. You are REALLY likely to bail on him for any number of small reasons.. You are tired from work, another mate is doing something else, you'd rather stay home and jack off etc... Everyone has made a faux friend like this at a party. ALTERNATIVELY, you are at the party, and meet this guy and you guys totally hit it off as mates, you guys totally connect on some or other topics, and you have this really gnarly chat. Next time he invites you out, how much LESS likely are you to flake?

This is rapport. And you need it to avoid flaking. Now maybe you'll have rapport, and then she'll reply to your texts and say 'sorry i just like you as a friend', but that's not flaking anymore, that's attraction, so then you work on that. But right now, rapport is your problem.

Also worth pointing out.. This isn't an absolute rule by any stretch of the imagination but definitely worth your considering. With the exception of one night stands, I've found k closes on first approach to slightly increase my flake rate. I'm not the only one who has noticed this either many of my students (although interestingly not all) have experienced the same response.

_________________
Damien D
Head Coach - The School of Attraction
The School of Attraction

If a girl is simply not talking to you, it's usually an attraction problem. You're either overdoing or underdoing the sexual stuff.

I agree with DjDante. Your main problem is rapport building. I think I can help.

When mystery first came out with his model, it was good. Then a bunch of people kept building on it and adding stuff. But its all pretty much just variations of the same thing.

The truth is, that his model is solid. So just go back and re-visit it and match it to your interactions.

Your problems is this:
1st PROBLEM - You're Not Building A Connection with Her
This is causing 2 problems.

Problem 1) Connection isn't Enough to Compel a Woman to want to Socially Align with You

I get it that you don't always have time etc ... You just meet a girl as you're leaving, have a quick convo and then gotta bail. I get into this a ton too. But we just have to deal with the fact that attraction alone, isn't enough for her to see a future in a relationship (platonic, romantic, etc ...). She just doesn't have enough of a reason to text you back.

Some girls will text back, because attraction is enough for them. These are the girls that usually are just looking for one night stands, or are just out to have fun. Most won't.

Solution
Solution 1) Build a connection with her. This is going to take at least a bit more time. If you can't remember how to build a connection, go revise some simple basics. One way is to show vulnerability. Theres a lot more to it.

Solution 2) Create the Illusion of Having Built a Connection.

This is mostly about framing the interaction as a journey. Far by, the best way to do this, is to change locations. You should have asked her if she wanted to check out this other place. "just for a while, I gotta head back early too cause I have something tmr morning." She might not bite, but that is far by the best way.

You can also make her visualise things. Ie, a future with you, you and her doing something somewhere else, you and her going on the next date. I'm sure you know this. If you don't or cant remember. I suggest you go re-visit some stuff. Find a good blog, or a good book. Actually mysteries book will suffice.

Problem 2) Your lack of Connection & the Fact that you are not Capitalising on her Stimulated State, is causing & allowing her to Rationalise

It is not the lack of connection in itself. If you stayed and had the whole night, you could go from attraction, to building a connection and then to a more solid close. Or, you might not even need to connect because attraction is sometimes enough if she is stimulated enough / drunk enough (assume you will apply some moral discernment), to allow you to close her that night.

But you don't really want that. You want a number and a second date. So whats happening, is the lack of connection, and her reduced stimulated state, allows her time to rationalise the fact that she hadn't connected with you at all. Basically she doesn't know you. And people aren't very inclined to pursue relationships with people they don't know. They aren't very inclined to talk to people they don't know.

She's going to look at your message. And think to herself, "ok yeah, this guy was actually picking me up yeah?" or "haha. ok another number that i won't respond to. I'll label him guy i met at the bar, so I remember NOT TO REPLY". This happens ALL THE TIME, almost EVERY TIME. I know this from experience. But also because we ran a social experiment on this 2 weeks ago.

Solution 1) Either capitalise on her stimulated state and close properly. Or forget about number closing altogether as a strategy. That is, unless you connect first.

Solution 2) Call her out on being the sort to not reply. This counters her rationalisation later. It doesn't actually counter it, but rationalisation is about thinking, and if you tell her that "hey you're not one of those that just gives her number as a game right". And she says "no". That is also now a thought in her mind, which she will bring up when rationalising. "hey i dont know this guy, but i don't want to be a liar".

The Interesting Thing about Your Interaction
What I find interesting though, is that you said that you texted her like a minute after leaving. And she still didn't respond. Now a lot of my analysis actually fails to explain this. Because essentially, it is like the same interaction. I mean you just left, so its almost as good as you being there.

If I say that she's less stimulated and thus doesnt reply. Then did her state drop SO QUICKLY like a minute after you left? If she was never going to reply, why didnt she just say no outright.

I thought about it, and I think part of the reason is possibly this.

A message doesn't require a response right away. I think a lot of the time, they put it off to replying later. and then decide not to. Or maybe she just didn't see it. Only to see it much later and decide not to.

A Mindset Shift You Should Make
What I'm sure of though, is that girls are not only rationalising not to call LATER after having some time to think as most books suggest. Girls often give out numbers with the intention never to call.

Girls giving out numbers, is a situation that mimics walking a very tight rope, unless you made a huge impact (you connected with her, or generated a ridiculous amount of attraction).

Just like she could decide not to let you open her, or let you get her number, she can decide not to reply you. A number means nothing. Its another rung on a very precarious ladder. The ladder being the entire interaction up tlll you CONNECT.

The only difference, is that with all other parts of the interaction, you are there to coax her, to get her to comply, to IOD her and remove your attention when she doesn't comply. What can you do when you AREN'T THERE anymore.

People are viewing number closes in an entirely wrong light. It is not an escalation. A number close is a time-bridge. When you text her, that is an escalation. You are attempting to progress even further in the interaction, most of the time to set-up a 2nd date (which is a huge escalation point).

Only this time, you are not there to deal with un-compliance of any sort.

The bottom line is this, getting a number is close to useless, unless you have connected. Either Capitalise on her stimulated state & close properly, or stay and connec connect connect. Or at least give her the impression that she did.

Gdluck mate,
Translation.

_________________
Musician, Gym Junkie, Entrepreneur, Dating Expert.

Navigating Social Relationships
http://datingcoachsingapore.com

We have an extensive body of knowledge.

We have the BEST MINDS you will ever find on social-interaction and relationships.