So I met the girl through a dating site (probably my first mistake), and the first time we hung out I went over to her friends house for a small party, and we ended up getting along great and making out. Like 2 weeks later she invited me to her friend's birthday party and we ended up making out again, got along great. Third time (4 weeks later), she invited me to another friends bday party, same results. Each of these times we ended up drinking, heavily, and making out. I have tried to ask her out many many times on a sober date, but she ALWAYS had some excuse, why she couldn't go. And when we did set something up, she flaked out the day before, she said she was nervous/ wanted to do a group thing, but her friends were busy, etc.

I texted her the other day to set something up again, and she told me that, I don't want to lead you on and not looking for anything serious, bla bla, bla. Obviously I'm not gonna try anything else with her.

I wasn't really looking to get into a relationship with her, I just wanted to hook up with her. I think my major problem was either not Escalating quickly enough (we both live at home), not creating a real connection, or being to NICE (whenever we texted, we really just made small talk, though we talked a lot). I seem to have this problem with a lot of girls, I'm to nice. I think girls assume I want a relationship immediately, but I don't know what it is that I do that makes them think this!

I'm not really upset, more confused. I want to get over this sticking point ASAP. I don't want to be an as5h0le, but I'm sick of getting stepped on.

Throw me so words of wisdom!

BTW, I'm going to go day gaming tomorrow to Bounce back quickly

She`s probably scared to end up in bed with you.
That`s the reason why she wont go out alone with you, she knows it`s more than a possibility, it`s probable.

Your job here is to isolate, if she wants to start with a group, thats fine.
Repeat the above steps you`ve been doing from a while now, then try and isolate her to a location were you can sexually scalate.

If not your place, try to get a bed in the party or a car maybe.

If you see this as really hard for you to get, then stop wasting your time with this girl.

Also don`t be afraid of being frontal about you wanting to hook up, I changed that becouse of girls and I regret it.

In my case I ended up laying some girls and not seeing them never again becouse that`s all they mean to me: a lay. That boring.
You should aim for someone with style, fun, etc.

Okay, I see a lot of problems here. First, being invited to hang out with her friends is NEVER good. Basically, it's a trap and should be avoided at all costs. I usually turn girls down if they suggest a first date that involves hanging out with other people (unless there profile states upfront something like, "my female roommate and I just moved here and we want to meet new friends" - that's pretty much my only exception). If she's too nervous to meet up with, then you should work on building a bit of comfort by talking to her on the phone. Reverse her frame by telling her you have to meet somewhere public so you can be sure she's not a crazy person who's going to stalk you. Also, insist that you don't put-out on the first date so she shouldn't get any funny ideas.

Second, never let her be the one to make the plans! Work with her until she's comfortable, but never go along with the "let's hang out in a group" thing. If she's just inviting you out to hang out with her friends, then she starts with all the social proof while you start with none. Not good.

In short, you've been friend-zoned and you were probably doomed from the start.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

frame control man,

-if you can have sex with her at these parties, then you should

-if you can't get her out alone, then don't be super pushy about it, but what you can do, is flip the frame of how you guys hang out, she offers you an invite to a party, turn her down, but give her ultimatums so it doesn't seem like you are just heartlessly rejecting her, over and over keep doing it, you can even tease her about it, just set out non chalant invites to hang out alone as counter offers that you are neither overly enthused about, or really not looking forward to, just be inbetween, be indifferent about it

example.
girl: Hey, Game Changer, it's me Becky, my friend tiffany is throwing another little party at her house tonight I'd love you to come

you: I'd love to but I already made plans, you can come see me tommorow and we could just go blah blah blah

then fall off with this girl and put her into your problem rotation, look for girls that don't offer problems, if you find a girl who is causing problems, don't try to fix them, just put her into the rotation, and go meet new girls that don't have problems, eventually the problem for her fixes it's self, or you are already meeting new girls and don't have to worry about it, because it is her weird problem, not yours

Bond-007 - I think I needed to create more comfort while escalating quicker, but without being FZ

Wolfwoodd - you speak the truth. I looked pretty bad letting her set everything up and immediately agreeing to go like a sheep. To tell you the truth, I only agreed to the first meet up with her friends because I had been talking with her for 3 weeks with no luck. I actually felt pretty alpha male there, her and her 5 friends were just throwing me sh1t tests and I was bouncing them off, turning it on them and making them laugh. But you're right the other meet ups were fruitless. I think I really underestimated the social proof thing.

pumpington - I've been reading a bit of NLP stuff and working on framing, its good stuff. My buddies also keep telling me to keep girls in rotation, I just need to implement it, but it's good stuff, keeps them interested and shows social proof.

TonyKing - we both live at home, and farking right next to my parents room (when they're sleeping) is not awesome. I don't think most girls would be down to just grab a hotel either.


On another note, I casually texted her that I was "throwing a small get together, and she should come by, you can bring friends if you want" The nice thing was I worded it like a mass text. She said shes taking it easy this weekend; I'm gonna freeze her out for 2-3 weeks and see if anything happens.