Hey guys,

So recently my confidence has built up alot this year, I still have alot to learn when it comes to girls though.
Anyways, while at a party a girl that I have been lightly flirting with over the course of a few months (that I never assumed much would come out of) came onto me really hard.
We were making out on and off for a few hours, holding each other/holding hands all night etc. and I was happy as fuck. Nowhere else I'd rather be in those moments, I've been incredibly attracted to her more than any girl in years, and it was like the bloody stars aligned that night, that I was the one with her.

Anyways, at the end of the night this is where things got pretty weird. At first she wanted to stay at the party longer, but I was like "no we've had enough" (I could tell we were both going to get a mighty hangover the next day) until I convinced her to leave. We both lived close by so we chose to walk home together.

Honestly I wasn't trying to lay her that night because we were both really intoxicated, but I wanted to walk HER home, but she kept saying things like, "No I'll walk with you to your house, I can just get a ride from my friend".
I kept saying "No, this is stupid, I should be walking you home, or you should phone your friend right now, because you're too drunk to go alone. Actually phone him now."

Before I go on, I took this as "I don't want to sleep with you tonight" (phoning for a ride when we both live close to each other), which I'm cool with because we're both drunk, and I (maybe erroneously) told her that I didn't want to take advantage of her that night and wasn't that kind of person.

There was a bit of inner conflict in me, because obviously I'd be DTF if she was, but I'm interested in having a relationship with her after that night, so played it modest so she doesn't regret waking up if something did happen, and thinking she got taken advantage of.

Looking back, I think this was my first fuck-up. Playing modest, saying I wasn't the type of guy to take advantage of her (I literally said that...fuuuuuuck) etc. Thoughts? (I'm 99% sure this was stupid, explaining this to a drunk horny chick makes no sense, it's in the morning that after contemplation the action of making her not feel like a slut is where it makes sense)

Anyways, she phones her "friend", who turns out to be her ex-boyfriend. On the phone she was bullshitting him just to get a ride, but mentioned she wasn't with anyone.
It's kind of disturbing that I find this out (that this "friend" is her ex who thinks she's trying to maybe be with him or something?) when he arrives to pick her up.

I felt kind of like I just got beta-maled having to walk away as she gets driven home by her ex, that had phoned her 8 times earlier that night (which she ignored all of) and was duped into coming.

Note that when I found out who this "friend" was, I just played it off like I didn't care and told her "just go with him and get home safely, that's all that matters right now". Was this a smart move?

It's weird because I've never tried to come off jealous about her ex, because frankly I don't care. I once asked "oh what happened", she didn't tell me, so I've never asked again. What boggles my mind though is that she is still in constant contact with him after a supposed breakup over him being "a weirdo". She seems like the girl that can't be alone and will run back to an ex easily.

I'm pretty sure that they still have some sort of disfunctional relationship going on in the background. This is where I come to get thoughts here because I want to know...

1. With these kinds of situations is it possible to win them over...or am I always going to be "the other guy" that she rebounds to for a night until her loneliness causes her to crawl back to her ex? (but she wouldn't have to be alone if she'd give me a bloody chance)

2. Any tips on how I could've handled the night better? Did I make the right choices or were there much better approaches to ending the night?

3. Could the chick have even been that into me at all? Or was this just a drunken night that means nothing?


Honestly, I don't know much about women, they're still crazy emotional puzzles, but I've had the thought in the back of my mind that the best course of action is to move on, because I'm hoping that this isn't the "average" girl. This is probably a girl with an emotional problem.

I just feel so frustrated though, because it felt like I put time into this girl to be receptive to me, and I'm more attracted to her than any girl I know and don't want to let this go. Hopefully this doesn't translate to a needy feeling to her just based on my actions.

I fucked up badly (imo) during the night making out etc., saying stupid sappy shit like "I wish I could stay right here forever" (mind you I'm hammered and my natural sappy-crush feelings just want to scream out of me).


I don't know, it just seems hard to let the good ones go and play it off as impossible because of this Ex-boyfriend bullshit. I'm starting to think this isn't just a once in a dozen thing, because this is the third time I've seen this shit and it feels like every girl that appears interested in me has a crazy ex-boyfriend that wants them back, or that they want back. FML!

Is my only defense to just act like I don't care if they're taking about their ex and try and hang out with them until they swap their focus? Or do I have to get pissed off at them and let them know that it's unacceptable to have this weird relationship with them, and see if it's a hit or miss?

Thanks guys, sorry for the big thread, it's just a common problem I keep running into that I WANT TO UNDERSTAND

1) She was clearly DTF. Girls will use any excuse to get to your house if they want to fuck by trying desperately hard not to sound slutty (ie. saying she'll get a ride home, when in reality, she would have wanted you to make a move badly at your house)

2) This keeps happening to you because life is all about seizing opportunities. You had a great chance to get this girl, and must have had better game than her ex, but he simply got her despite being annoying and AFC just by TRYING to get her.

God helps those who help themselves

FUCK!!!!!!!

It didn't even occur to me that her wanting to walk ME home was her being DTF. HOLY SHIT I'M STUPID.

All that was going through my head was, "I'm looking like I'm being put in the female role by getting walked home. I should be walking her home like a man."
and also, "if I take her home, by family is still going to be awake and cock block me" (oh the woes of living with parents still)

O..M..G


Ok...so I saw her today. At first she seemed weirded out, but I just played it cool like nothing had happened and that our relationship was exactly the same as it was beforehand. I'm a nice guy though, and I may have been too nice today, especially after realizing I just (unknowingly) "pussed out" (from her perspective, even though I FUCKED UP HARD). So now I may just look like a pussy from her standpoint.

Freezeout probably isn't a good idea here since I'm the one looking like the goof now. Should I just wait awhile and eventually just hang out with her again until some kind of opportunity presents itself?

Or should I get more aggressive to make up for me pussing out by accident (I'm thinking this is bad since it makes me look needy after not getting any).

I figured today it'd be best just to act normal and eventually she went from being weirded out a bit, to being fine but she seemed more responsive to me today like there was a tiny bit of something there still.

Typing this out makes me realize that this may be one of those opportunities you're talking about, the fact that the girl still has some kind of connection there that I could reinvigorate. If I go to freezeout that might just die off and it'll all just be a "drunken night".


FML...blew a perfect opportunity. I'm actually pretty pissed off right now at myself. DOH

Im not sure on your relationship with her before this event but I would try and suggest hanging out with her more. It doesnt have to be a romantic setting but it has to be fun. You have to show her your game and show how much better you are than all the other guys. Make her chase you.

The last date I went on we went to grab some coffee about 5pm but ended up just hanging out doing random shit until 2am, at which time she was in my bed .

As for the ex-bf, I'd say the most likely thing is that they decided to remain 'friends'. This usually entails the guy being manipulated emotionally and sexually until the girl finds a new guy. I was in that situation back in my more afc days, not fun.