Hey guys,
I’ve learned that there are many different ways to approach this topic we are all trying to master and since everybody is different, some things work and some don’t. For me personally I learned that the traditional pickup approach – to meet someone new during day or night time, approaching her, creating attraction, asking her out etc. – doesn’t really work for me, it’s just not something I enjoy doing. So here is my approach and the area I need help with:

Instead of playing the numbers game, I’d like to focus my energy on attracting the few girls that I think are worth the effort. I usually don’t have a problem meeting those girls but I DO have a problem escalating it to what seems to come just natural to some of my friends. I’m not shy around them but it often stalls at the point where I need to let her know that I’m attracted to her (asking her for number, date etc.) before I’m in the “friends” zone.
So I guess I have 2 questions on how you guys handle these types of situations:
1. First let’s say that you meet a new girl in a casual setting for the first time, what’s your approach? Anything from how to ask her out, where to take her, how to escalate it etc.
2. You have known someone for a while and you know that there is an attraction there but you haven’t made a move yet. Spending time with that person is the easy answer but how do you escalate it here?

I usually don’t have the problem to attract the girls I want, it’s mostly me not approaching/escalating or them having a boyfriend. This might not be the traditional pickup question but I hope you guys can still share some of your wisdom, I’m sure many of you guys have tried good strategies to tease girls or playfully flirt etc. them that you can share

Thanks,
J

Your question is kinda all over the place and self-contradictory. You say meeting someone new and approaching, building attractiveness, asking her out is not something you enjoy, but then under #1 you seem to be asking exactly how to do that.

So my first question is, what specific approaches and attractiveness builders have you already tried and found lacking?

And my second question is, if you don't approach, how can you say you're building attractiveness? And since building attractiveness is part and parcel of escalation, how can you do one but not the other?

If I may, I'd like to take a stab at what your problem REALLY is.... anxiety. You are finding excuses to talk yourself out of approaching, or to talk yourself out of escalating, or to talk yourself out of closing. Because you're afraid it won't go the way you planned.

Like a lot of guys, it sounds to me like you're trying to put the cart before the horse.... You want to get guaranteed results BEFORE you make an actual move, but it doesn't work that way. What you have to realize is that the path to confidence and success begins with the willingness to actually DO SOMETHING....

So here's an exercise that's popular in the seduction community, and for good reason. It innoculates you against that fear, and allows you to GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION not to be perfect every single time. What you do is go out and INTENTIONALLY get blown out by 10 different women. Do everything WRONG, and see how fast you can get her to reject you. If you live in a small town, go somewhere else if you're concerned about your reputation. If you live in a big city, just go someplace you usually don't go.

9 guys out of 10 never do this exercise when its recommended to them, and the 10th guy improves his game a hundredfold. Which guy are you?

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

thanks for the reply and your honesty. I can't say that your're completely wrong with your statement but it's not that I talk myself out of approaching, it is more that I don't know how to properly escalate.

Let me explain this real quick so it makes more sense: I don't intend to find girls at bars, in the daytime at a Starbucks etc. - most girls I meet in social situations like playing in a sports league, at work, hanging out with groups of friends that bring other girls. That is the environment I enjoy meeting girls in and it has the big advantage that I have a better chance of getting to know her a little first before I even decide to pursue it further. What I meant was that I usually don't have a problem talking to them, socializing etc. and often times I can tell that there is mutual attraction (mostly after you see that person more than just once). It is at exactly that point where I lose it - could be because I talk myself out of making the next step but mostly because I just don't know how to properly make the next step! At some point, you need to make your intentions clear to not end up in the friend's zone so I was looking for advice on how to escalate, a good and maybe funny/playful way to ask someone out or maybe even tips to overcome that barrier of making the next move. Most PUA books I have found talk more about approaching someone you don't know and taking it from there - for me it's about taking it further with the select few I have gotten to know and feel attracted to

Thats something we can work with Escalation, as I mentioned before, is a two-ponged deal.... Part of it involves touch, starting with casual and fleeting touches in "safe" areas like the hands and shoulders, and progressing up the "ladder" to more intimate places... The key is to make sure she's comfortable with one "level" before moving to the next, and when you try out a new level, you start by "accidentally" touching it, just briefly. Thats "kino escalation" and you can find detailed progressive levels by searching it on the interwebs.

The other part is more mental progression, which is accomplished by working sexuality into your conversation topics, beginning either by putting it in a safe context, such as talking about it in general, or about other people's experiences, or more covertly, by using sexual words and phrases in completely innocent contexts. As with touch-escalation, the key is verifying comfort at one level before increasing the heat.

Of course, ANY kind of escalation only works if the other pieces of your game are in place, namely increasing comfort and having a good time.

As far as making your intentions clear, I find that its generally better to let HER realize that HER intention is to have you. Its a progression, as she becomes more and more attracted to you, and its kind of like a dance. Two steps forward, one step back. You have to move at approximately the same pace, and its your job as the seducer to move ahead and guide her along with you, one step at a time.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --

good points, thanks for those tips! I think I'm already doing kino-escalation but I guess you could always take it further, I haven't really done mental progression which I like and should be a good step to move you out of the friends zone.

Last but not least, any tips on how to actually ask her out? So far I have always tried to find an activity we had in common and then asked her to join me sometime. Not always that easy though so I'd like to have a backup plan, a playful way to ask someone for the phone number and then out. Is there a section here that talks about that as well or does anyone want to share some of their techniques that they found helpful and worked?

don't ask her to join you SOMETIME... Say I'm going to X place at Y time, and its gonna be AWESOME if you want to come with....

regardless of whether she does or doesn't say yes, you go and DO have an awesome time.. Its a great opportunity to meet other HBs, and she might show up on her own to see how it goes. Its a confident way to ask out a girl, and a great excuse to have a good time, with or without her.

_________________
-- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
For you are CRUNCHY, and good with milk. --