I have no idea how to get through Bitch Shields. I know that negs are a good way to "bring a girl down to your level," but you need more than just a neg. You also need to be able to back up your neg, and do it without sounding like a prick, 'cause I don't think that helps her like you (but correct me if I'm wrong ... nonetheless, I don't think I'm interested in being a prick even when the other person is being one as well).

This is a problem that I face with both genders, and have dealt with more most of my life. People being an asshole to me, and I simply don't know how to disarm it. It's generally getting better now because a larger amount of people respect me now. This is likely due to the fact that I respect myself more now (though still not enough), and I have somewhat better body language and vibe.

Take this example from my new job, for instance:
I show up for my first day on the job, and when I introduce myself to the staff at the door (working at a restaurant), the girl says something along the lines of, "God, how many newbies can we get?!" I couldn't think of anything to say that, and maybe even ended up laughing, because that is an unfortunate nervous habit of mine.
In general this girl gives me the cold shoulder. A customer appears at the door and asks for the boss, so I go try to find him. I didn't see him in the restaurant, so I went back to the office to look for him. When I came back out, she (the bitch) had found him -- and told me, verbatim, "It's called being aware of your surroundings." I think after this I tried to defend my position which was an obvious mistake.
The last time I saw her, I generally just ignored her. I doubt that ignoring her will keep her from being a bitch towards me, though. That has never worked when I have been bullied in the past. At some point I casually mentioned how I hadn't seen her around much lately, and asked when she's been working. She gave me a very rude and sarcastic remark about the large amount of days she's been working.

Please note that I have no interest in seducing this girl, and probably will never have any interest in seducing someone who treats me that way, regardless of their outer beauty. However, I need to discover some way to deal with these sorts of conflicts that will gain me the respect of others, and prevent them from happening in the future. Almost just as importantly, I need to be able to do that in a way that isn't so disrespectful that I could get in trouble from the boss. Initially, I was hesitant to break out any comebacks, because I was the new guy, and felt it unwise to step on any toes in my first few days of work. However, now I'm starting to think that if I was just sharp with her from the get-go, she would have cut it out altogether.

I hate to think that dealing with bullies, AMOGs, and bitches is all about being able to deliver a witty comeback, but I don`t really see any other way. Any time I have simply told someone that I don`t appreciate that etc, they just disregard it, because they don`t respect me. That only seems to work for people who can be in someway threatening, or have already established themselves as the AMOG.

If you made this far through my wall of text, I am very appreciative. Please feel free to make any comments or advice.

Marvel

Maybe you should look at it differently. Maybe her saying "God, how many newbies can we get?!" is just a way to break the ice and was ment for you to make a funny comment on. Ofcourse, it's hard to tell because I can't see her bodylanguage/tone in which she said it.

"It's called being aware of your surroundings." Could just be a funny remark and she's just trying to get you to respond in a funny way to have some fun at work. Maybe you should just lighten up and take it in a good way, it's much easier to deal with if you don't treat it as a personal attack or something.

Just act like it's no big deal (which it isn't) and like it doesn't bother you at all.

Hey Synyster, thanks for the reply.

Based on her body language and tone of voice, neither comments were meant to be a simply funny remark. That is certain.

It definitely isn't a big deal, and I have received this sort of advice throughout my life (to act like it doesn't bother me). I have worked very hard to learn to not blow things out of proportion or take things too seriously. However, it seems I am having the opposite problem now. Usually I just laugh things off or make some joke; but when someone is digging on me, they seem to think, "What the hell, didn't he get I just insulted him. Doesn't he have any self-respect?"

That isn't the only way I go about acting like it doesn't bother me, but none of them have really helped out all that much, in the several years that I have attempted it. Perhaps it has something to do with my body language.

It seems to me that until you can gain their respect is the key. And until you gain that in some way or another, others are not going to treat you properly.

I definitely recognize what you describe.

I think the people that hand out the insults are just trying to see if they can tool you around (increasing their social value). I think if you get insecure and it shows, they will continue to tool you around and have no respect for you.

Perhaps a good way to respond is to throw in a neg. Just list some negs that are easy to remember and can be used for your situation. You can find a list of negs under the general forum -> newbie FAQ

Hope this helps!

It's the exact opposite. The community is made up of many insecure guys, who through no fault of their own have experienced a lifetime of bullying which has lead them to believe that they must fight back.

When I first came to the community I didn't really know what "Bitch Shields" or AMOGs were. I just hadn't experienced it. Now I haven't experienced it first hand but I've seen it and I think I know why it doesn't happen to me.

I'm very enthusiastic about my surroundings and what people are talking to me about. It's not some trick I do, or some strategy. I'm just like that, always have been. I preempt any aggression or bitchiness because I want to know about people.

I smile, say hello, look into their eyes and ask them genuine questions about them and their lives. If I'm talking to a girl and a guy comes up, I shake his hand, introduce myself and ask him how he knows the girl I'm talking to.

Most of the time the guy knows the girl and we hit it off. Talk about football or their job or anything for a minute and then redirect the conversation to engage the girl. Let him hang out and be part of the interaction and then just isolate the girl later.

If he doesn't know the girl I introduce them and once again, bring him into the conversation and isolate later. What kind of asshole is going to have a go at you in that situation. If he ever did I imagine the girl would just think he's a dick. And if he makes fun of you and it's funny, just laugh. If you get a comeback in your head use it, but don't stress about it.


As for bitch shields, I've had girls that were a little cold when I first met them. But who cares. Just keep on trucking and be friendly. If she's still being a bitch after a minute or two of being nice and asking her questions about herself, it's probably NOT A BITCH SHIELD! SHE'S PROBABLY JUST A BITCH!

I hope this helps buddy. Be nice, don't become a bitch yourself.

_________________
Even the most naturally gifted can learn to become better.

I think the last post hit the nailhead. I've had the same problem for a while, a guy (weather her friend or a total stranger) comes up and starts amoging or just breaking down my game (might be he's even not interested in her, just messing with me because he's a jackass). One response a friend of mine told me was "hey, we're making romance". Handshake, introduction and isolation is a good one as well. As for bitch shields, a lot of these girls are very insecure, so you might want to try taking advantage on it, there have been quite a few posts in this forum on how to do that.

Thanks for the responses, guys. One thing I've realized lately is that being the right mindset means so much. I got into a habit of being very reserved while at work, in fear of being ripped apart during any interaction. This has been working against me.

Today I made a point to say hello to "the bitch" before it was necessary. I greeted while her back was turned to me, and before we had made eye contact that day. I asked how she was doing, and in reply she asked me the same. I initially made the mistake of saying "good," then walking away to continue doing work that needed to be done. A couple minutes later when we ran across each other again, I picked up the conversation where it had left off: "Apart from the fact that I woke up half an hour before I needed to be here."

I think this sort of thing helped to lighten the mood. I don't think it's the only solution to my problems. She still gets unreasonably pissy if the slightest thing goes wrong (I'm still training at work). I suppose it remains to be seen if that will continue to be the case once I am fully trained. It's interesting how someone who's been there a while is fully allowed to say, "... because I don't give a shit," without any repercussions; if I were to say that, I can't imagine it going over well.