I used to be so needy, passed the period where i was extremely macho and appeared rude but i leaned my lesson, i had to calibrate. but still i got this fear of appearing needy in situations like:

she sometimes initiate conversations, now she's online for 15min and didn't chat with me.
thought's in my head are:
I think i should not worry about this and let her initiate it if she doesn't no big deal. but what if I'll loose my chances with her if i do that?
i finally sent her a "Hey!" to find out that she disconnected just before i send it. (god i have those AFC feelings right now)

she just sent me an IOI, should i send one back and maybe I'll risk being needy, or send her an IOD or neutral response and risk appearing rude.

It always happens to me, if i play it cool, they see me as rude or desintrested, if i don't i appear needy. and the worst part, i dunno if I'm being rude or needy!

How can i know how to calibrate?

_________________
Golden Rules i learned:
1- If you complement do it a serious way.
2- If a conversation starts with a low vibe and seems not getting anywhere, be direct but not on an emotional level.

Your caring about your chances with her makes you appear needy.

Shouldn't really care so much about losing her.

If you want to talk, just talk man. Social anxiety is just in your head.

Be free, stop caring about what others "might" think of you. Can't control that, can't control their reaction. What you can control is - you. If you want to check how you are doing, I'd suggest finding a guy who is good with everyone, not only women, to judge you. He can give you valuable feedback, then you can work on that.

thank you Fragnance for your reply, it really opened my eyes!!
So the calibrating thing isn't really the problem.In fact, it is my thoughts that are.

well i think have to take actions , man up and take out the consequences (saying what ever i have to say and taking consequences even if it's loosing my chances with a particular HB).

_________________
Golden Rules i learned:
1- If you complement do it a serious way.
2- If a conversation starts with a low vibe and seems not getting anywhere, be direct but not on an emotional level.