Ok so this is a story I just tried via msn on this girl I've been running game on for a couple of days, she responded really positively, saying that I'd made her blush a bit and got her into a positive state of mind. She also complimented me for being a great writer/thinker. Gimme some feedback on what I could change! Also, I'm from Sweden so the story might lose some of its poetry during the translation, but you'll get the basic idea...
Me: Hey friend
Her: Hey
Me: What's up? (this seemingly normal line is actually the setup for the story)
Her: Oh nothing bla bla irrelevant talk.. And you?
Me: Sitting on a beach, eating strawberries in the moonshine, feeling the sand between my toes and enjoying the naturally romantic vibe of the beach =)
Her: ...you wish
Me: Yeah, so do you though!
Her: Wish that I did that or that you did that?
Me:That we did that
Would have been nice!
Her: Haha yeah.. Now you made me crave for strawberries >.< Your fault
Me: Yeah, it's a pity it's not season for strawberries yet, or I would have made that scenario happen!
Her: We'll have to work out the details for this when it's season though, sounds like fun
Me: Yeah, I'll come up with something in a few minutes, don't worry.
Then it sort of wandered of into a bit of fluff, but I brought up the strawberry-story again when a possibility arose, which caused her to ask me if I had worked out the details yet. So I hit her with this...
Me: We would pack a picnic basket with delicacys, and head down to the beach just in time for the sunset. After seeing the sun set and turn the sky red, we would get out blankets and huddle together, since it gets a bit chilly after the sun has set. After a while, the moon and stars come out, and we'd just sit there all night watching the moon and stars, eating strawberries and have a great time in general. When the morning comes we will walk up to a small café near the beach, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy the company of each other, knowing that we've spent an amazing night together. How does that sound to you ms. HB8,5?
After that she was giving me so many IOI's that I set the mood for a meeting in a close future, and told her I had to go to bed because I had work tomorrow. Lastly I reminded her to dream of strawberries and moonshine (not the kind of moonshine you drink though, obviosly
)
So what do you guys think? Gonna try and field test it IRL when the opportunity arises and see if it really works or if this was just a coincidende.
CHAT