Had a GF leave me for another dude a few years back. Used NC and DHV to get her back. She apologized for ever leaving me.

She was trying hard to be a good girlfriend to me this second time around. Three weeks into our rekindling she found out I was sleeping around. She was "devastated" and left and I haven't contacted her or apologized. 2 years have passed almost. I didn't chase. I fucked other girls after her.

Now, I still continue to talk to other girls but I'm missing her. I've adjusted to living in my own place, I've matured, etc, and I've realized its her that I want for LTR.

How do I handle this? I feel like apologizing for my actions makes me look weak. I don't want to be AFC. Maybe a short, non emotional message explaining my actions?

IF I contact her, I would like to know the best way to do so...what to say....how to say it. This is a unique situation as 2 years have passed but anything is possible.

The best advice I can think of is telling her you miss her, and after sleeping around, you realized these other girls don't mean anything to you and she's the only one you want in your life. You have to display a range of emotions (nostalgia, sadness, love) to show her how much you love and need her. You may think you'll sound weak, but I think it'll only prove her that you've changed, plus it'll make her feel unique. And women love that. They love being the one who turns a player into a good guy. It boosts their self-esteem thinking : I'm so different from all these girls, I'm better than them, I'm more special. And by apologizing, you'll make her feel she was right. And women love to hear they're right. It doesn't mean you'll get her back. She may have moved on, but it's a risk you were aware of when you decided to leave her. Being emotionless won't help you in this case. She knows you, she knows what kind of guy you are. You don't need to prove her you're tough all over again. Just show her you respect her and care about her.
Good luck, man. I really hope it'll turn out for the best.

If she is with a man already, should I still fire off the message? I don't have Facebook. But my buddy does, and he randomly offered up that she may be in a relationship with this dude she's been with before. He says they post pictures together every now and then but nothing official is being said.

Also, I'm trying to put different elements into the message, so that if I send it, it has the most bang.

I'm planning on starting with something to trigger past positive memories like... "i was doing this thing today and i thought of you". Then go into "I'm sorry for what i did to you...playing multiple girls". Then talk about how I was going through changes at that time...and that much has changed. Then close it up by saying i hope she and the thing i fixed on her car are both well.

Thoughts?

Nope none of that will work. Bottom line is, if a girl cheats or leaves you for another guy, SHE is the one who is in the wrong. Taking her back was simply rewarding her bad behaviour. So if you ever get back with her you will never be happy, because she will know she can just cheat on you or leave you for another guy and you'll still be there for her and take her back afterwards. FUCK THAT.

You have nothing to be sorry about. She was the one who broke your heart remember??? You owe her nothing.

Hit her up if you want sex, but if you want a faithful monogamous relationship, she's not the one.

Move on, she wasn't a perfect 10 anyway and her personality is questionable. You're just going through a dry patch and you're looking at your past through rose-tinted glasses. You're remembering all the good things and blocking out the bad things. Being sentimental is a backward way of thinking, it won't help you progress.

You just need to go out more and find a hotter woman with a better personality. Preferably one who doesn't dump you at the drop of a hat.

She apologized for her actions. I did not pursue her.
She did, but then I broke hers


I hear your points though. But, I'd like to be the one making the decision of whether to contact her or not. I still might not say anything. But if I do, I'd like to say the best thing possible. That's what I want help on... formulating a message.

And what IF all I wanted was sex from her, how does the message change then? I'd like to see the difference in messages for both wanted outcomes. relationship vs just sex, as it applies to this situation.

So if I fucked your mom, would you still be my best pal, as long as I said sorry?
Nope. She broke yours first, then you got even. So now you're even. You have nothing to be sorry about.

A long, heartfelt message pouring your heart out completely out of the blue after 2 years is just going to look creepy, not romantic. You have no idea where she's at, she might be loved up with some dude. A simple, "hey what's up, how have you been?" is fine. Then you she will give you the information you're looking for.
There is no magic message you can send. All you can do is say "whassup" then see what she comes back with. Believe me when I say this girl is not relationship material. She dumped you once, you let her get away with it, so even if you do get back with her, she will dump you for some other dude again.

Do not hit her up for sex if you have other motives behind the sex. If you cannot separate your relationship feelings from sex, don't even go there. Move on.

You are right, I should NOT say sorry...because like you said...we are even now.

What do you mean by "just ask her hey, whats up, and then she will give you the information you want" ? I feel like I would have to seem like I'm coming onto her for her to reveal that she is taken. I don't want it to seem like I'm coming onto her at all. I just want to plant a seed in her mind that might get her to look my way again on her own accord. Perhaps some lite and playful message.

On the topic of her being loved up by some other dude....yea that could get interesting. Should I check her FB? I haven't seen it in 2 years but it would most likely reveal if she's taken or not. I feel that checking FB would be bad but what other way to tell? My friend did offer up to me without being prompted that she has posted some pictures of the two of them together, but it isn't 100 percent for sure they are together. This guy was a beta orbiter in the beginning...but this IS the guy she left me for during the first break up so she could very well be getting the D from him again.

It is true that you're even now. However, that's not what she wants to hear. When you accepted to take her back, it implied that you forgave her for everything she had done. You cleared her out. Cheating on her because she cheated on you isn't a valid excuse because it becomes a vicious circle that will never end. Plus it seems to me that you slept with more girls than the amount of guys she slept with. So technically, you aren't even (but I may be wrong, I don't know the whole story).

I agree that is better to just kinda poke her with a "Hey it's been a long time" because you don't know where she's at and what's her mindset. Maybe she's changed over the years. So yeah just start it smooth and then you could suggest to hang out. Then you'll tell her face to face how you feel.

Thank you guys for helping keep me straight. If I had gone with my original plan, it would have indeed been creepy.

Now, I'm trying to also think of some subtle, passive ways to DHV as well during any follow up messages that arise.

Also, I don't have Facebook or instagram but I'm probably going to start an instagram with some DHV pictures at the bar and some trips I have taken recently.

Disagree with the other post above.

The moment a girl cheats on you or leaves you for another man, you can go and fuck 1,000 women and still take the moral high ground.

You have a serious case of one-itis. The only cure is lots of pussy. If you were actually getting laid right now, you wouldn't give a shit about this girl. Stop moping around, leave the house and approach women.

Agree with WildFlame. This isn't the type of conversation you want to have online. It's better to say these kinds of things in person. Just a simple 'how have you been, let's catch up' would do well.