So me and this girl have been in contact for 2 months. We text everyday. I was afraid I've been giving off the clingy vibe so yesterday I decided to cut back on the texting. I didn't hear from her until 11, when she got out of work. She asked me to come over. We made out, some grabbing, but couldn't take it farther because she's on her period.

There's a little more background to this story. She's my sister best friend so she's hesitant at times to get involved with me. But every time I ask her to end it, she refuses.

She broke up with her bf about 3 weeks ago. They had been fighting, which was obviously one of the reasons. But she also said when she met me her decision was basically made final.

I know she's into me. We often joke about marriage and stuff and the other day she was talking about kids and she said "our kids". She also told her friend that she really likes me and sees me as someone she could be with after her ex. However, she has told me she doesn't want anything serious right now. And it's possible she is still in contact with her ex.

I'm not afraid to admit she has the upper hand right now. And she knows it. I played my hand too soon, I constantly compliment her, and like I said, we text everyday. However, I do not always initiate contact. It's about 50/50.

She's a bit of a flirt and I know she talks to other guys. It bothers me because I can be a little jealous, but I know she's single and going to do whatever she wants. And yes, she is a little crazy.

We haven't had sex, although every time either one of us are drunk, we basically text each other how bad we want to have sex. We talk about it often and it's never awkward. We've even done some filthy texting back and forth and she told me she got off on it. She just says she's nervous to have sex with me because I'm older and a little more experienced. She was even nervous the first time we kissed.

Like I said, I went over to her house last night and everything went well. A few questions.

Should I start texting her less and seem less interested? I'm concerned if I do this, since she is in contact with a good amount of guys (I think), she may just blow me off and be like f him.

Also, sometimes when I text her, she'll tell me she hates it that I make her laugh. Then last night when we were kissing and getting a little more physical, and I was about to leave, she put her head down on the couch and was like "ughh, i hate you." Do you think she's becoming more attached to me then she wants?

Finally, should I text her first today? She is working at 5, which is right when I get out of work so I was going to visit her anyway. Or just visit at 5 and send no text.. unless she texts me of course.

Sorry about the long story. Hope you guys can give me some advice. Thanks.

Seems like you're doing just fine even when you say she has the upper hand. You matter to her, so basically you can do whatever the f you want I'd say. But don't be played, make up your mind about what you wanna do and don't adjust to what she wants. It's either you way or none at all. Put her on her heels a bit.

Good luck

Thanks.

And yeah, that's the only thing I'm worried about is getting played.

I can actually see myself dating this girl, but she's effin bi polar and crazy so she's difficult to read.

She aslways acts nonchalant about things. Like the other night I told her to let me know if she wanted to do something after work. She texts me at like 130 saying hi. I was like thanks for letting me know. She told me she went home, sorry, but she has other things on her mind.

I think she just enjoys mind fucking me a little. And I'll admit, it works sometimes.

Guess I'll just not text her until I go visit her at 5.

And when you say put her on her heels a bit, do you mean be a little less in touch? Like text less or not as often?

When I say put her on her heels a bit it actually means that you let her know that you're not as available as she thinks you are. She's taking you for granted, let her know you're seeing other women in a subtitle way by saying something like "Hey brat, how was your day?" when she asks about yours "I grabbed some lunch with (female name)....". You can also let her know in a more explicit way by saying something funny like "If we're not fucking/together/whatever when we meet up next time, we're so getting divorced. I get the children you can keep the dog"

Good luck

Ok. Thanks dude.

I saw her today at work. Joked around with her a little. I'm going to a girls party tonight and asked her to come. I didn't expect her to say yes because she's working until 11. Just wanted a subtle way of slipping it in there.

She also told me her ex called her last night. She said nothing had changed and they're still just friends. She also said she doesn't want him out of her life completely. When she saw I was bothered a little, she jokingly tapped me on my forehead and said to relax and not over think it or create situations in my head.

Not sure what to think about the whole staying in touch thing. Any ideas guys?

I told her if she wanted to hangout when she got out of work to text me. So I guess I'll just wait on a text her from her.... Cause I feel like if I don't text her while I'm at the party she'll get kinda curious. Although she tries to play it off like she doesn't care what I do.

Don't take anything in this post as an insult to you. I can see you placing so much importance on this girl and I'm trying to send you off in the right direction.

I have a feeling that this is the only girl you are seeing or talking to. That is bad game. You may be able to pull it off with this girl and get as far as you want to, but be careful. If she is the only girl you've even kissed in a few weeks, you're in a bad position. Odds are she is not the right girl for you, but the mutual emotional stimulation has got both of you on each others' minds all the time. If you are going to a party, why do you care about texting her, or what she thinks if you don't? Enjoy the party and try to get girls!

If her ex is in your life and you don't like that, don't allow it. If that's a deal-breaker for her, so be it. You are posting on this forum to understand girls and to get the right girl for you, not to compromise your way into an unhappy situation.

Go to the basics. Practice the exercises that kill approach anxiety (lots of random approaches). Work on your looks, hygiene and sense of style. Read PUA material and PRACTICE IT. And pretty soon this girl will play whatever role in your life you want (and very possibly none, if you find some good replacements!)

Oh, and why do you keep telling her to text you if she wants to see you after work? That's supplicating and it gives her all the power. When you want to see her, ask to see her. If she says no, that's fine, use that time to improve yourself and find other girls.

Good read. She is the only girl I'm seeing or talking to right now.

Although I told her today that my ex texted me a few days ago. She jokingly said we should try and rekindle our relationship when I get back to school. I was like, maybe I will.

I guess it was a mistake to tell her to text me. I should of just left and said bye, have fun at work.

Honestly, I really like her. Too much probably. And as weak as it may sound, I'm almost afraid to loose her. Not the best situation I know.

Any tips for me tonight guys?

Fuck this girl...like literally u need to smash n stop bullshitting. She has the upper hand...go fuck some other girls n then see what's good. Stop initiating texts entirely unless u r tryin to kick it with her. When she asks to hang out...blow her off, tell her uve been super busy, n schedule another time. Show her that other girls r into u, n if she wants u she will have to quit fucking around. Stop being so jealous...lots of ppl talk/fuck their x n she probably is...does that mean u shouldn't get with her?? Absolutely not!! Its not a big deal. U just have ur head all wrapped around her...go meet some other girls, u will be much happier. I try to keep at least 3 girls I can kick it with whenever. If im really into one, it will cut into the others time, but its whatever. I normally smash for like a month or so n then let em go. I don't do relationships super well, n am much more about just having fun. Most girls can handle that, until they can't n then they can go do whatever they want.

Thanks for the reply.

I just got back from the party. There were about 5 or 6 guys and like 5 or 6 girls. The party was pretty much separated and the guys never initiated contact with the girls. It's difficult cause every guy I was with tonight, except one, have gf's. These 5 guys are basically my closest friends.

So I was kind of intimidated to go up to a group of like 6 girls I've never met and start bulllshitting. Plus, it was in some girls backyard, not in a club or bar where everyone's a little tipsy. So what should I do in these situations?

Not to sound cocky, but I've been told from many girls I'm good looking. I have confidence. But I am a little shy and at times, awkward in social situations. Although, since being in college, my game has improved. My downside is that I am sensitive and honestly, ALMOST every girl I meet and keep extended contact with, I feel like she's the one. And I almost obsess over that one girl. I even get depressed and stressed if she stops texting me. It sucks kinda.

This is why I'm kinda scared of loosing, I'll call her Adriana. Cause I do feel like she's the one.

One of my friends told me, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. But I feel like giving up and not even trying with end everything. Kinda confused

Adriana never texted me tonight btw.

Should I initiate any sort of contact tomorrow? Or wait it out until she texts me? How should I respond?

I know it sounds dumb, but like I said, I feel like she may be "the one". We do work well together. This is why I fear the "fuck you", I'll text you back a day late approach. If she does text me, how should I go about responding?

Thanks for your all your help guys.

And just to add kinorc, I guess I am looking for a relationship....

And sorry for the double post, but the whole situation with Adriana reminds of this quote:

Nothing worth having comes easy.


Holy shit, I'm confused lol.

Well first we need to get u out of fantasy land for a minute...all your prisons are in ur mind my friend, n u r the only one who can let urself out n walk free...

"The one"...come on, that's straight out of a fairy tale...im sure ur young enough to believe that, n I probably did when I was younger too...the fact is u will meet a fuckload of girls n each will serve exactly the purpose they serve. Some girls u may just fuck, some u may really dig n get into a relationship with...regardless tho, all things are temporary, n our universe is dynamic not static. Change is the only constant. As such, learn to ride the wave, not swim against it praying for some stability.

Next...10 ppl a party does not make...get together sure, party no. If all the other guys had gfs...u basically can have ur pick of the girl...wtf are u doing?! Or not doing?! U probably just get aa n if no one else is doing it u don't wanna look like a loser if u strike out...guess what...at least u had the balls to play!! Fuck anyone elses judgements. If u see a girl u want, go make a play for her. Its that simple...worst case scenario she isn't into u n ur in the same boat as if u didn't try except now u know. Its not a big deal...I've been shut down by 7s n smashed on 9s...it just is what it is. Don't take anything personally n just roll with it. I love being the center of attn n if there were a bunxha girls standing around n they invited u to kick it...they wanted u there. Go take advantage. Once u can get a little "fuck it" mentality, u will want to go after anything u want. I mean fuck, it sure beats sitting around wishing u would have.

Finally...don't text that girl!!! Don't text that girl!!! Don't do it!!! Go find other ones...if she's that into u, she will hit u up because she misses u. That's when u say uve been super busy blah blah, but ur free at an exact time not some abstraction. Ie "im going to nate's party friday night. Ill pick u up at 9 n bring the sexy girl I used to hang out with n let's have some fun " not "ya I miss u too let's hang out this weekend if u r free". Do u see the difference??

So how many girls have u fucked just out of my own curiosity? Im guessing its pretty low, which is fine. The reason I say that, is after u have gotten an ok amount of girls, u will stop getting hung up on one girl all the time. I still get super about girls, n then it seems like I meet more a couple days later, n the first one doesn't seem so great anymore. It just happens that way. What u r doing now is creating a fantasy relationship with this one girl, n that probably demotivates u to get others cause u r hung up on the one. Guess what...while u were at that party she was busy catchin a load from her xbf. That's why she didn't text . What im saying is u r both free to do whatever. Don't imagine u r with her n start acting like a childish bf. Instead accept reality, n start creating the best one for u out of all the moving pieces. I want u to fuck this girl buddy, n being readily available for her every whim is not the way to do it. Freeze her out for a lil bit, n when u do chill, REALLY go for it. Don't fuck around. Create a moment, n capitalize. Hope this helps. Pz

These two paragraphs are good advice, but I'd like to rephrase them a little.

The "fuck it" mentality is useful for some people, but it seems like you would have a tough time thinking of it that way. When your get together was separated into guys and girls, you were in a beautiful position. An all-girl set, no male obstacles, all guys present (if they enter the equation at all) will wing you and not pose competition. What more can you ask for? Honestly. If you can't take advantage of the PERFECT SET, you have a lot of work to do. You walk up to the girls, sit in the middle (or the best position you can get) and say "Hey, I guess my friends are scared of girls, I figured I'd risk the cooties." or honestly ANYTHING. Just "Hi!" would suffice!

And to reiterate, don't text that girl!!!!! She's stringing you along and not worth the effort. Let her come to you. You've been giving her so much attention, so much mental and physical stimulation, rather than ease off it, letting her find someone else to fill the gap as it increases, just STOP. She'll feel this huge hole in that part of her life, and I guarantee she'll be the one inviting you places very soon. And let her hear the word "no" sometimes, too, it's good for her.

She is not the one. You have an unhealthy addiction to her, and this is rehab. Go find a cute girl and have a normal, healthy relationship.

Okay.

Look, honestly, I found it a little weird why you guys haven't done it, as to say. If there is that much amount of attraction from both sides, sex is actually a very easy progression. Which tells us, either you're hesitating worrying about how she might feel or she doesn't want it. Either situation is bad.

Now, be bold with this girl. Tell her that you are attracted to her but at the same time tell her that she has a point that there is a line between you both. That conflicting statement will send her into a mental tizzy. Women can go neurotic over push/pull statements when they are done correctly. It's a big gun.

Also, let her know that your ex wanted to get back together with you and that you're "unsure" how you feel about that idea. If she does indeed like you, the emotions will flash across her face. Women cannot deal with such news as passively as men can.

People are right. You are fixating on her and that is never a good thing. Give her attention, make an effort towards her if you like her that much. However, always keep your eyes open for other doors to enter. There are always plenty of chances we don't take.

Good luck. Keep us posted on your progress.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Again, and I can't say it enough, everyone who's been helping me I really really appreciate it.

First off, konrc. I've had sex with 5 girls. However, I would fuck one girl for a while. So I guess my "need" to go out and try to get other girls wasn't really there cause at the end of the night I could just go and have sex with whatever of 5 I was fucking at that point.

So she texted me today at 2:30. I was at the gym and didn't reply to her text until 4:30ish.

Her: Hiiii
Me: Sorry mammasita. I was out eating lunch. My phone died last night and I never got a chance to charge it.
Her: It's alright. I'm just finishing up at the gym so I'll text you in a few.
Me: Okay

Yeah, I did lie, but hopefully my text got her wondering. Think I handled it well? When she texts me again how should I handle it?

Another thing, while I was out today I saw a cute girl walking her dog. We shared a few looks so I just went over and asked, "That's a huskie?"

She smiled and said yeah. So for a few minutes we went on talking about the dog. I just ran out of things to say so the convo just ended. She walked by me again and I just casually said, "My name's Chris btw". She smiled and said, "Nice to meet you Chris" and just walked away.

How should of I approached this situation and not run out of things to say?

And Don Draper, could you explain a little more what you mean when you said to tell her, " Tell her that you are attracted to her but at the same time tell her that she has a point that there is a line between you both."

I read it a few times and didn't fully get it.

Also, next time I see her, I'm going to mention my ex has been contacting me and wants to get back together. The thing is that this girl tries to play it off like she doesn't care.

Although, last Sat I went out. Later that night I picked her up from her house and we hung out for a little. She asked me how my night was and I said good. She asked if I went with any girls and I basically avoided the questions. But then she sort of laughed and was like, eh, I don't really care that much. I'm pretty sure that's her just trying to show it doesn't bother her, but it kind of does.