Hey guys,

I'd be really grateful for your help.

I'm such an AFC but I'm really trying to change. There's this one girl who I met who is literally perfect for me (although I know it's not good to think that way about a girl). We've spent a bit of time together (with mutual friends) and we get on so well. We're always flirting and she gives me really strong IOIs. I feel as though I've managed to build rapport and escalate quite well.

So then I went and did the most AFC thing ever, I literally said to her "I think you're really beautiful, I really want to kiss you". I gradually moved in to kiss her and although I didn't feel her really resisting me with her body language she did say "no".

So here's my question: Is it possible that she's just shy and not used to guys making a move on her? Or could it be some kind of shit test? Or of course I'm aware it might actually just mean no and she's just a flirty girl who loves the attention, although I haven't noticed her acting the same with other guys.

Thanks!

Andy

It all depends on "how" she said no.. was it like "No! -like you would tell a dog to stay
out of the trash-" .. or was it more of a "No.. -said softly but her eyes looked glassy-" ?

She also might have said this NO because there was mutual friends around ?

She might have had some of her other friends around ?

If this was not done in private, then she might have been putting up her A.S.S (Anti Slut Shield)
so everyone would not think she was "easy" or a "slut"..

But it all comes down to "how" she said it, and how her "eyes" and "skin" tone looked.

Glassy Eyes = she's stoned, or sexually aroused.
Reddish / Pinkish Skin Tone = she's aroused, or sick.
How She Said The "No":
- Soft and sexy means DO IT NOW.
- Strong and firm means NO WAY DUDE.

Hope this helps you out some. Good Luck.

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Hey thanks for the reply, that really helps.

We were alone together and she did say it softly, and she wasn't resisting me. Looking back I feel like I should've continued slowly until I got a stronger response.

I realise it was such an AFC way to go for the kiss close, by declaring my feelings for her like an idiot and making the situation out to be such a big deal for her instead of just letting it flow naturally from all the intense eye contact she gives me.

Maybe I'll just play it by ear and see how it goes next time I see her, but it's good to hear that you think that 'no' can not always mean no given how it is said.

Thanks again!

One thing I regret in the past - taking those No's as gospel and let it bother me, rather than letting things lie for an hour or so and trying again whilst ramping up the attraction.

The girl i mentioned in my other post didnt say no but kinda walked away then came back etc, a few times but now I know that she was just playing hard to get etc.

Go for it properly cos regretting it is shit.

if a girl says no AFTER giving you IOI's it means she's not yet comfortable with transitioning to the next stage of courtship... just give her some disinterest then come back talk to her rev up the attraction again and go for it again... There's many reasons she could of said no, but if she's given you IOI's she's still attracted to you, you definitely still have a STRONG chance with her.... just remember girls are very emotional scared little things, they ARE ALWAYS intimidated by you... your a big scary aggressive guy who could hurt her, you have to make sure she's always comfortable. You could of scared her, she wasn't ready, it was too soon, she was shy...

Just freeze her out, then out of no where ask her out (or if you see her again at a party, start flirting with her)

My main girl at the moment rejected my first kiss attempt, and said repeatedly she was NOT going to sleep with me about 4/5 times through every stage of kissing, clothes coming off, me licking her, her sucking me, all the way until we actually did fuck the first time. I just ignored it, backed off a bit, and then carried on.

Unless she says it in a really angry way, it probably means "not yet" "maybe later" or "game me more," usually to help her feel like less of a slut and/or to see how much you're willing to try i.e. how much you really like her.

The ONLY way to fuck things up is to act defensive, angry or hurt, and especially if you say things like "but I thought you liked me " and gay shit like that. She will likely see it as a compliment, even if unwanted, and you are free to try again multiple times, especially if her 'rejection' involves even the slightest blush, smile, giggle, or IOI of any kind.

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ok an update:

I've not been in contact with her since "the incident" then she just started texting me tonight. After a few texts I sent her:

"There's this ice cream place in town my friend told me about. Sounds a bit different. Really wana check it out. Since I know how much u love eating (personal joke we have) I thought i'd let you tag along. Sometime next week?"


She agreed to it, but she said "but as friends though right?"

Does that mean that she's really not interested in that way? Or could it be an extension of what we dicussed before (interested but not ready)? I don't really know her long enough to be in the friend zone, yet she agreed to meet up.

Either way I guess I have no choice but to meet her, have fun and try and game her, then go for the kiss close in a less AFC way.

Thanks!

"but as friends right ?" ...... that is not a simple "no".

you need to take that at face value. She is putting you in the friend zone. its too late. Its like quicksand, the more you struggle the deeper you sink.

Definitely do not try to kiss her, you already messed up somewhere else and it has gone too far.

Time to go after a new chick.

you can be pals with that one if you want, maybe you will meet one of her friends.

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About the whole "no" thing, my philosophy is that "no" means "not right now". A loud angry "NO !" means get the hell out, and take it seriously.