It looks like you failed a sh*t test Pholliday, BUT your response wasn't THAT bad.
I would have said something like...
"cook me up a steak and serve it with a ice cold beer, I might be tempted to put my shoes on" or "you are on your own love, find something sturdy and hold on for dear life".
I once had a girl text me a similar message. Their was a tornado warning in our area and the sky was pitch black (it was the middle of the afternoon). She texted me because she was scared. I responded with "the world is coming to an end, run for your life!" I still laugh when I think about it.
