Hey there!

I've got a interesting situation, and in fact i created my forum account because of that one.

I'm familiar with a lot of material of David Deangelo and a bunch of german PUAs. Been to that great stuff for years now, not always sticking with it, but i know the internals.

Good.
So, i've done the online game and i met a gal which i was mailing and talking to the phone pretty much (more the emailing so far). Things seemed to really getting deep, as far as u can say that with email.
So i met that gal last week on saturday and yesterday. The good connection we had so far is also there in real. I also give her sometimes a hard time like in the mails, making fun, laugh a lot and being serious on the other hand. At the end of date 1 we kissed. Yesterday we kissed even more and stroked our hands.
She seems to like me a lot, but when it comes to being more intimate (kissing), she pulls back fast.

I know, i was rushing things a little bit, because i was a bit on the fast lane. At least she knows that i wont be friendship material now. But on that one, i followed some PUAs guidance, and it felt also right in that situations.

After date 2, which she ended fast after we kissed in a very nice way, she texted me: "Are you patient?". I told her that i got no stress to force anything and i'm with it as long as i see that nobody tricks me.

So, now i'm a bit confused about what to do. Should i cool down the interaction we've done so far? Does she really need more time or may that just be an excuse that she is not into me? What actually IS giving her the time? Being just a friend for weeks?

After kissing that gal i was still playing c&f once in a while, because she seemed to like that right from the beginning. But how do i handle a situation where she seems to like me, but telling me "i barely know you and thats why i have a hard time being intimate with you".
She thinks i'm a player, even told me that in a funny way. I guess she is afraid of being hurt.
Yeah i know, plenty fish in the sea, but i dated a bunch of gals lately and dont want to mess up that one because finally she is somebody who meets my requirements - looks and character (as far as i can see for now)

Cheers for your advice!
L

My story is very similar to yours. Same things happened to me exactly, only we're barely in contact now, cause she says she's busy. I'd like to know PUA comments on this.

First of all, well done! You clearly generated attraction in this girl, avoided the dreaded friend zone, sexually escalated, and even gave off the impression that you have abundance and experience with women. Pretty great!

Your 2 things to work on:

1. Qualification and Comfort. The way to avoid giving off the player vibe and encountering LMR is by asking questions (or implying questions by telling stories) about personality traits that she has, and then giving her actually honest compliments about the ones you like. This makes her feel valued as a person by you, making her realise that her physical beauty isn't the sole reason you're interested in her, and deepening the emotional connection she has with you. Comfort building can be accomplished by SPAM an "embarrassing" fact about yourself (which can be a DHV story), getting her to open up about a little embarrassing fact about herself. Now she knows she can trust you.

2. Kino escalating using push/pull. From a light touch on her shoulder to emphasise a point, to touching the small of her back as you point over there to show her something, to grabbing her and pulling her into you as you're laughing, you should always be escalating the level of physical contact, then breaking contact first after a few seconds, then re-engaging again, then breaking, and so on. The kiss should be part of this natural progression where you give her something nice, then take it away, leaving her wanting MORE. You want her to be chasing you, not you pushing and pushing her. Kissing at the end of a date with no touching = awkward. Kissing on the sofa of a lounge bar after sitting there talking with your arm around her, before "swinging by your place for 5 minutes" to "lend her that CD you were talking about" = awesome

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Hey there!

Thanx for the quick reply. Yup, thats what i was thinking about, that i wasnt comfort her enough. I mean, in my case we had great email conversations (also on the phone), but that is something u are able to fake if you want (which i didnt, because i wouldnt put that much effort just for faking something)
But she told me things like "i dont know if its really you". Means that she seems to like it, but she is a bit curious about if i'm for real.

So, that means i have to comfort her a lot more. The sexual attraction thing is done pretty well, but as i think, she is afraid to be just one of my lays... (which i'm not looking for - in that way)

Ok then. I will continue the c&f routine, maybe slow it down once in a while to make her feel save so she builds trust by talking about deeper connection stuff. What would you say? Should i stop kissing her entirely for some time or mix those things (comfort, kino, kissing)?

Edit: ah ok, i just reread your posting. So keep the good stuff, push&pull but dont forget to comfort her.

Yeah, Like BG said, just comfort zone, push & pull. Make sure that you prove what's in your emails, that that is really you. If you actually have a deep interest in this girl and looking for more that just casual play, then you need to make everything happen that you say you are. Don't worry about being perfect, she'll notice soon enough, because she'll have it in her haid, those things you said.

Once you've given her those markers about how you are, a girl NEVER forgets those. SO just be real about it and you'll do fine. Best of luck mate & keep us updated!

Id say you should IOD her as much as possible the first ten minutes you next meet, but you cant really do that via emails or texts cause they have no emotion.

You mentioned being familiar with DeAngelo's work, he has a theory that states for every stap forward, you take two back. So if you k-close next just hold her, hug her. If you kiss again you can go a little further, but you go back to hugging as well.

Check the book for the complete theory and more detail.

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Cheers mate

True that. Two steps forward, one step back!

Could anybody give me a quick example of whats meant by "IOD"? I hit the forum search, but didnt really find an answer to that question.

Whew, one has to be really careful. A few kisses dont mean anything, you have to "keep working" all the time. In fact i'm a bit afraid, as silly and weak as this may sound, that i already fooked it up. Because i rushed things a bit and she is the one holding back. So whats the move for this? Not contacting her for a while? Letting her make the move - me leaning back? This might give her the picture of me being the player she thinks i probably am. Knowing that she said she needs time and i'm getting cold and stuff.

I think in times like this, when i'm a bit confused and dont think clearly, its better to wait for the next day or so to get a clear mind again - before doing something dumb which could screw things up with the gal!

I'll keep you updated.

PS: damn, i hate it when the wussy wants to come threw, it's hard to beat that mofo!

Edit: IOD (indicators of disinterest) - got it!

Update: yesterday, after 2 days of not contacting her, i sent her a text saying that i will be to a music event this saturday evening and asked her if she is in. She answered that she'll join me. So, this will be pretty interesting! I'll meet her a few hours before so we can talk and comfort.

Well done i guess.

We met saturday evening and had a great time. Communication was great, i mixed up between serious, deeper topics and fun stuff, picking on her and so on. Also, i was not pushing her into intimate actions, but i did a lot of kino.

Somewhere during the night she kissed me with tongue which i didnt before (with her), so she made the move. Nice! During the evening i stroked her hands, arms and neck but also took it back too, so she wondered when i was doing it again. Worked like a charm. The only wuss-moment i had was in the car when we left to our homes. I stayed too long, kissing her. A bit weak, but that wasnt a biggy like it seems, because she already sent me a note how much she enjoyed our time.

I will continue to mix up the things that worked, always pushing the edges a bit, she seems to totally love it. And, i will avoid the conversion into a romantic wanker, as this would kill it entirely! Dont get me wrong, i do care about her and i will treat her well. But not in a way that i kiss up to her, because thats not what she wants.

Did i mention that she said that she already miss me?

Green lights, stay cool though.

Sounds like you're doing very well!

I would go for the f-close next time you see her.

Keep doing as you're doing, but this time try this. Kino escalate as you've been doing, with the confidence that you know she likes you and wants you to touch her. Again, push-pull and keep things fun and playful.

Towards the end of the night, before bouncing back to your place to lend her a CD or something, have her in front of you, look into one eye, then the other, then her mouth, then her eye again, spending about a second on each. Then lean in towards her as if to kiss her, but then actually go to one side and smell her neck and whisper "you smell great tonight" and then pull away, give her "fuck me" eyes, and then grab her hand and be like "oh hey let's go over there and dance / do a shot" or whatever. Great way to build massive sexual tension. When you give her the "excuse" to go back to yours, she'll be BEGGING for it.

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Hey fellas! Just a quick note about the progress i'm going threw.

Yesterday evening, i told her to come to my place so we can go for a nice walk. (i'm living in a area where u got a special view and stuff) Sadly, the weather wasnt that fine so we stayed at my place.

Things done:
- i stayed totally relaxed and calm
- let her "warm up", we talked about a lot of stuff for a bunch of time
- she tried to play my guitar (which she wasnt able to) and i showed her some basic riffs because she asked me to
- i showed her the basics of "chachacha" which she enjoyed a lot, just to stop it (she told me to continue, i said no)
- started to kiss her, no rushing
- told her to make herself comfortable by lying beside me on the couch
- she couldnt stop touching my chest, we cuddled and kissed a while
- i DIDNT f-close her, too less time (workday), but i bet she would have dived into it

The evening was amazing, just another milestone!


She said that she doesnt want to leave. Well, i could even feel her excitement. Kissed her very deeply when i made her go, she told me that this is so unfair. haha

Tomorrow, i will be at her place. She invited me over. Friday night, no stress, enough time. We'll see what happens, i'll be prepared for everything. I just want me and her having a great time. And: it's on my watch to make the evening great. Since i sorted that out, everything works out great.
Don't wait for the gal to make things happen, do it yourself!

Update!

Ok, i'm getting a bad feeling here.
As you know i was at the girls place, which was a bit strange. Didn't work out the way like it used to when she was at my place. No F-Close either. I wasnt pushing things. In 2 oclock in the morning i told her that i either have to go now or fall asleep at her place. As i could see, she was in a dilemma of making a decision. Anyway, she told me that the thing that we have is too serious for her and i should go now. Otherwise we would already be at the bedroom and shit, but she takes "us" serious, to do that too quickly. (as she said)

Yesterday, i was out with her friends, she asked me if i join them. Always a bit strange when you meet a lot of people you dont know. It was ok in the end, but we didnt have much time for ourselves. Brought her to the car, kissed and good bye.

So, i'm getting a bit nervous about it!
Is she playing games or does she really just need her time to build up the trust?

I still push & pull like i used to. But maybe i'm stuck here? I dont want to let just anything happen because i'm to weak to make the decisions! Maybe i was thinking that i'm in too early? And of course, in my head i got this thing that you got to f-close a girl early or something is going wrong...

What do you guys think? Whats the move for this situation?

PS: i rescheduled my appointments for the next week so the next chance i have time for her is next friday.

Since some time has passed since you two became intimate, she propably has some LMR right now. You are a man, lead her towards the sex, make it happen because you know she won't. Men lead, women follow. For more closes and what to do and say againt LMR closing-and-day-2is-vf53.html


What you did was great, you built comfort and sexual tension. You didn't rush or made it akward. Keep doing what you do because she is definitely into you.

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Cheers mate

Yeah that's your answer - she's into you - she'll let things go at her pace, you're patient and alpha, you're not worried she'll lose interest, you're not desperate for sex - but you'l call her when you feel like it and ask her out to things every now and again.

Ok guys.

Last friday we made some nice love!

It was alright, i could see that she is very unsure about her body, like woman are in general. But i made her feel good about it and so she felt comfortable.

Stayed over and left at noon. I kept my "routine" (which is myself now as i think) going, giving her space after i left. Today at 1 am in the morning she texted me a lot of stuff what she likes about me. Very personal stuff. Defo on the right track here.

I won't let things mess up by changing myself from the one she likes so much into somebody who kisses her ass. I think you know what i mean.

I can even see all the patterns in her reactions, all the stuff written by the PUAs which is confirmed by her in a subtle way.

Hey there!

So, i boned that gal like crazy, she likes it.

But i'm getting bored, i guess i will blow her off to go for the next catch. Didn't think that i'd do something like that, but it seems that i lost my interest on that one.

However, thank you guys for your support, its gold!