Based on what I’ve read about pickup, a lot of sources make it seem like during a date, you should be the one doing most of the talking and you should focus on yourself and tell the woman DHV stories and make jokes and entertain her in general. I recently read about an interpersonal communication model that is specifically for basic social skills, but it applies to dating as well, and it says that the interaction should be focused on you asking the woman questions, showing interest in her and getting to know her. So I’m confused. I’ve always thought that asking women lots of questions and trying to get to know them will make them friendzone you.

Basically, some pickup sources focus on talking about yourself and showing status and entertaining the woman and that is what makes her attracted to you. The interpersonal communication model focuses on asking the woman questions, showing interest in her and getting to know her and that is what makes her attracted to you because people want to feel like others are interested in them. Pickup theories seem to state that you should be the one doing most of the talking, but the interpersonal communication model states that the woman should be doing most of the talking on a date (mainly responding to questions that you ask). The interpersonal communication model states that a date should be like an interview, whereas some pickup theories state that a date should be entertaining the woman and letting her know how interesting you are.

So which model is correct? Or are both correct? In what sense? During a date, what should be the ratio (percentage-wise) of you talking vs. the woman talking? Should you be mostly asking questions and when she answers them, your response should be related to her answer? What should you be talking about on a first date?