Alright I'll make it nice an quick

-Go on a date with a girl I hadn't seen in 4 years (we also dated way back in grade 9 for 2 weeks but that doesn't count)

-Took a bit of work to get her, a couple of flakes but very apologetic, she kept on doing this thing where she wouldnt reply to me then after a few weeks she would call me out to hang out

-date went perfect, over 4 and a half hours that flew by seemlesly

-we both talked about what we wanted, and came to the conclusion that we'd be perfect for each other (with out saying it out loud, also both still a lil bit damaged from past relationships)

-At the end no k-close, but she says she wants to do it again

-I texted her the night after just to keep the level of interest going, only got 2 answers from her

-re texted 2 days after that with a small talk about going back to uni, still no answer

-in the date she said she wanted something serious so i figured I'd show her I would be willing to go out of my way for her

This is a girl who always meant a lot to me, and after a year and a half of a bad break up i finally found another girl worthy, but I'm not going to de value myself for someone who doesn't return the same level of interest, anyone have any ideas on what to do?

a couple more details, this is a girl who's been hurt before and used school and work to bury her problems away, who isolated herself and says she's a bit lonely but she won't let anyone in

Any help will be appreciated!

You nailed the reason this is happening.

I'm a dude, yet I still feel a certain way when coming out of a long, emotional relationship. I usually have issues committing, so I back out of commitment-based conversations/activities that may lead to something deeper. Part of it is being scared maybe, but most of it is because its tiring to be in a relationship and we all need a break.

If she was scarred, then shes still carrying that baggage with her and can't fully act herself around you (this is separate to when you are actually together, because being with somebody that you like will give you a feeling of familiarity and support, thus she will be more affectionate).

In terms of texting/calling/maintaining contact, I think this is a case of "less is more."

I think its great that you are trying to building trust with her. What's the best way to approach it?

Always believe in the power of action. If you text her everyday yet are unable to see her, its pointless right? But what about texting her once a week, but actually being able to hang out with her once a week? That's a much better result right? So while I understand your way of keeping things fresh, sometimes you have to let her operate at her own pace, you just have to be that pace car that sticks around and provides some direction.

So what I'm saying is, temper the texting/calls but give the texts/calls a clear purpose: to see her again.

You can judge how she feels about you on that fact alone: is she willing to see you?

I also foresee a little more proactive texting/calling from her side when she sees you've backed off a bit. But thats ok, even if she thinks you are distancing, you are still trying to see her. If she can't handle this or doesnt respond favorably, you'll just have to chalk it up to "timing." Because most things are 95% predicated on timing.

I know you're eager, as I would be, but try to alter your strategy up a little bit and see what happens.

Good luck man

Sounds like she has been hurt a lot recently, or like she lost interest. If you are sure she is into you, you will need to back off for a bit. Even tell her, "I feel like I might have been crowding you a bit. Do you need space?" You need to be a lot less threatening with this girl, and too much aggression will drive her away.

Keep positive. Keep talking to her, casually.

This has got to be some of the best advice I've picked up on so far, the entire time I kept a mindset of keeping sexual tension up, I was also told persistence till you win the girl etc, but I also need to follow my own advice, I always say its like a game of tug of rope, you always want to let go a little bit to make sure there is still someone tugging on the other side.


I'm thinking on letting the week go by, I'm hoping I sent enough texts to show her I'm interested but not enough to scare her away, and little by little bring the rabbit out of the hole! After that maybe shoot her a text thursday or friday to catch a movie? or would letting an entire week go by be a better/worse idea?

Once again thanks for the great advice guys!

I would text her at a pace that she texts you (if it doesnt drive you nuts). Once every hour? You respond every hour. Once a day? Follow suit.

However, the ace in the deck in all of this are any inside jokes you may have developed with her. Do you guys have any funny incidents and/or jokes between you guys?

Do you like memes? Funny pictures? In many cases, replacing a dull text with a funny picture saves you from a lack of conversational skill. When you have the person laughing, everything is easier right?

Look for very exclusive subjects/jokes to tap into with her and that will not only get her laughing, but it will get her to open up and perhaps be more open with you. Make her FEEL good.

Good luck man.

Just a small update:

Aside from the usual none answering I actually got a message from her apologizing for the lack of responses, turns out her mother is extremely sick and in the hospital, she mentioned her family is taking it pretty hard

So I left her a little message, saying how awful that is, if her or her family need anything etc, got a lil back and forth to show that I care.

Now I was conversing with a buddy who is a relationship expert (can get just about any girl he wants into a relationship) and his tip was, if you want to relationship a girl, make sure you always get the last message, the last word in, girls that want a relationship need to be shown affection.

Would you guys agree with this?

Speaking as a female, I really get pissed if I keep having to reach out to a guy. It's the quickest way to get me to look for someone else.