Hello all,
I need some advice on how to open a text game (first ever, for me).
I met a very good looking and flirtatious woman at a singles' meeting.
She expressed the desire of learning my native language and asked me if I teach it.
I replied "Yes, but only to friends. Are you my friend?"
When she replied "Yes" I promised I would and was able to number close.
When I said would called to arrange a "study date" she said "Text me".

Now what?
What should the "tone" of the first text be?
Strictly business like: "Hello, this is Ankh, I'd like to know if/when you are available for the first lesson" and pretend there was no extra layer on either side (there was certainly for me) or should I open with a somewhat funnier or allusive text?

Thanks all!

Ankh

Send her a text saying "you're [insert compliment here, hot, sexy, cute, etc]" In your native language.

Her response will likely be huh, or what, what does that mean?

In your next text tell her what it means

In the same text or a follow up text say that this is her first written listen and set up a time for the speaking/listen part

Brilliant

Thanks!

Don't call a girl hot or sexy.... NEVER say anything about her looks. It is a generic compliment. Text her something funny like "Why is there no blue food?" and get her laughing. Create the same emotion that you had before. Don't get all pussy whipped on her because you got her number.

Ah,
I can see the merits of both answers, but as they are at the opposite poles, now I don't know what to do.
I was planning to follow Adonis advice and text her something in my language like "You have beautiful eyes" which is definitely true so it is a compliment but in this sense not a generic one (like "hot" or "sexy") also, doesn't the fact that it is in a foreign language and is intended to serve as a starter to tickle her curiosity and reply back to me, makes it different from the purpose of a generic compliment texted in English?
As for not getting all pussy whipped on her because I got her number, I believe you are 100% right! You have no idea how much effort I am doing to let a few days pass before I text her....

Which brings me to another question: How many days should I wait so that I don't look too eager but also not too detached as to make her feel she is just an afterthought....

And hey thanks for the great advice u r ohsom.

Ankh

I can see the other side, as presented in the other answer.

I suppose you could use both approaches. Use the funny random comment in the text. When you meet her in person and can better calibrate, use the compliment as part of the "spoken" lesson.

I'd wait until I have some else fun and decent going on. I'd set up the lesson, and attempt to bounce to the other activity.

sadly there is blue food...blue eggo waffles. but be careful googling that..you can get some wretched results.

Be careful about using the word "friend" with a woman. Once you're in the friend zone it's kind of hard to climb out.

Pick up the phone and CALL HER. It always put you five steps ahead of the competition. Besides, your text can either be ignored or responded to. When you call her you get a direct close right then and there.

Try this:
You: "Hey it's Charlie"
Her: "Hi Charlie"
<<insert some small talk here>>>
You: It's time for your first language lesson. Let's grab coffee on Monday at Joe's. How does 7 work for you?

(Modify as necessary)

Can't go wrong with being direct and to the point.

If she's interested she'll say yes. you'll know if romance is part of the package when you're face to face with her and you can study her facial expressions/body language as she talks to you. If she isn't interested then you'll get a flat-out no, no response, or an excuse. Save the compliments for when you actually meet. It'll be her reward for "good behavior."

Hey Mac,
Thank you for your advice.
I actually did TEXT her a couple of days ago (before seeing your reply). Following the advice above I avoided a direct compliment and simply asked, in Italian, if she liked Italian food, with the idea of follow up with a dinner invitation if she did.
MUCH to my surprise and despite the fact the the text came about two weeks after we first met, she replied immediately saying that she does. I then invited her for dinner this weekend but she said she had previous commitments
She then suggested a lunch next week and we arranged it.
I am very pleased by the fact she responded to my text immediately but a little disappointed that she turned down the dinner.
I understand though that a dinner as a first date may be a bit too "committing", who knows.

Now what?

I will avoid like the plague the "F" word ("Friend", I mean).
But any other advice?
I have not done this (dating) in a long time....

Thanks

Ankh

Hey Ankh!

She gave you a counteroffer. That's a good thing. The truth is that most women are booked on weekends. Dinner is never too strong for a first date. In fact, lunch is better -- less load on your pockets for the same reward. I would have taken her out for a drink, not because you're afraid, but because you want to evaluate this girl and make sure she isn't crazy or using you for a plate of food.

I always ask for a week day until she presses me on why I never ask her out for a weekend. She'll be wondering if there's "someone else" forcing her to show her hand to you ALWAYS works like a charm.

Hmmm ..as far as advice goes:

On the date:

1) Let her do all of the talking and just listen. Control the conversation by asking her question after question. At various points she'll turn it on you, or she'll even ask deep questions to figure you out. Always turn it back on her in those scenarios. For every half-page worth of talk from her, she should only get one sentence out of you.

2) Keep the conversation light and playful. Stay off of deep subjects that can produce negative emotions or defensiveness. Stick to talking about her interests. Questions like "Where is this going?" "Why is your boss such a piece of sh*t?" are always bad. Stick to: Favorite movies, what qualities matter to you in a guy, favorite places, childhood memories, restaurants, family, are good topics.

3) Keep your feelings to yourself: "You're so beautiful, you're the one for me, etc."
She tells you that you're wonderful then tell her "thanks." and move on. Two compliments TOPS. (The pastel blue really brings out your eyes really well vs. Nice rack )

4) Watch her body language: Does she light up when talking to you? Maintain good eye contact? Play with her hair or piece of jewelry? Doesn't fold her arms? Does she initiate touching?

5) Any comments about yourself that will not raise her interest in you shouldn't be shared. If you're unemployed, have a GED, and live with your parents still, that's none of her business.. once she's your girl...and madly in love with you...hearing that will probably make her want to help you and not dump you. But, in the mean time, it'll lower her interest and probably make her not want to go out with you again.


Closing:
1) Don't make any plans to see her again right, then, and there. Too eager is a turn off.

2) I only recommend going for a kiss on the FIRST DATE if you're UNSURE of her level of interest in you. This will tell you whether or not you're wasting your time. An interested woman will give you a kiss. One who is using you for entertainment, food, and ego stroking will not. If she's all over you like a hot tamale then you can wait until date two..

3) First date: Keep it an hour tops, tell her you "have a meeting to go to and have to go." Ask for the check and only pay for the whole thing -- if there's no red flags from her such as talking about other men, or saying something that makes you feel like you wouldn't want to date her again. If you know it isn't going anywhere then tell the waiter to split it. Pay your portion and toss her number. Talking until you both are bored and run out of subjects doesn't leave the best memories. Leave her wanting more! It just looks better when you're the one ending the date and not her.

After the date:
1) Since it's lunch a phone call to ensure she got home safe will not be needed

2) Wait about 4-5 days to call. Every guy is so predictable and calls right away. A woman who is sane and interested in you wouldn't mind a wait. That crap about "I'd move on" is a load of b/s. I waited 6 days to call the woman I'm seeing now and we're as happy as can be. Women only move on if they don't like you, have low self-esteem, or are full of sh*t. There's no rule that says you must call or text right away.
Most guys f*ck it up with their behavior after the first date, more often than the date it self by smothering her with TOO MUCH communication.

Even when you call..keep it to 10 minutes and use it to arrange another date. Once you get your date "see you then, good night." *click* I'd save the conversation for the date itself.

Hope this helps! You're on your way!

Hey Mac,
Thanks soo much for the trove of advice!
Though they all make sense to me I think if left to my own device I would have done the opposite in many of the points you are making.
I am going to read your post several times over hoping I would not "trip" and fall (too many compliments, talking about myself for too long etc.)

I am glad you mentioned about paying vs. splitting the bill. It seemed to me that for me to pay was the right thing to do (unless I do want to show I am not interested) though the "mystery method" seem to advise against paying for drinks, meals etc.

I'll let you go how it goes.

Ankh

DO NOT PAY FOR HER FOOD/DRINKS!! Would you do that for a friend if you were to go out?! NO! so why the fuck would you do it for some girl you just met? She should be the one trying to impress you... Not you trying to impress her! WTF

And you should have kissed her already!

Stop thinking you are "taking something" from a girl when you go to kiss her. Girls like to make out. It feels good. Girls also like to have sex. That feels good too. Fuckin man up and don't act like you are playing by her rules!! You will get friend zoned and walked the fuck all over dude.....

Hey Majikal,
Again, I can see your point as well.
I have to say that being an rAFC is not easy

I guess I will see how the thing unfolds.

Perhaps I should pay for 2/3 of the bill as a compromise?

Thanks

Ankh

Nope. Pay for your half and that's it.

It will let her know that you are not trying to impress her. It will make her feel as if she has to win you over to get that type of shit. You are already giving her your time... To give her your money as well... That's too much for someone you just met. I usually avoid the typical "date" of dinner and do something that's much more fun... But in that case, I would ask for separate checks lol