Cant tell what she wants or if i ballsed it up



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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 3:55 am 
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Location: Christchurch
First time meeting her was on a friday night
Met at some bar and we danced and hooked up and told me she doesnt do one night stands. Told me we should get drinks sometime

2nd time on the following wednesday
hand drinks for like 2 hours and talked about stuff then we ended up at hers to watch some movie she was talking to me about but still no sex. end of night i was hooking up with her and slightly pushing her towards the bedroom suggestively (wasnt forcing her just very lightly) and she said naughty boy and sent me home lol

3rd time the following sat
just was heading to some club and asked if she would come and she did but she had work the next day so she left early

4th time the following monday
get text from her asking me if i wanted to come to hers that night
drive to hers and when i entered she was watching avatar so we finished that. Ended up watching grave encounters because she said she doesnt get nightmares and i said i know a movie that does.
didnt end up hooking up till the movie ended.

As we were hooking up i was on a couch and i was getting really uncomfortable so i tried to change position which was a little awkward i must say. She got up to go toilet and then when she got back she tapped me on the shoulder and i said something like "oh is that me then" and she said yeah so i got up and left

throughout the night she was saying that she didnt have work the next day so i took that as she wanted to have sex and also her asking me to come over was a huge IOI

about 10m after i left i sent her a text saying "Hey hope you atleast get some sleep :P" but she didnt reply and its been about 3 days since either of us has contacted each other

you guys think i can salvage this or did a balls it completely?

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:04 pm 
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Some of that was confusing - if I'm interpreting correctly, she tapped you and you said "is that me then" and she said "yeah" and then you left - but in actual fact she was guesturing for you to come to the bedroom.

If this was the case, then when you were leaving she would have been surprised or awkward. But there's no description of how things went with her during that moment. Just that you left and were texting after (when you realised she actually wanted you to stay).

If that's what happened, then it's because your mindset was too negative and reactive. Like, assuming she's gonna kick you out so just getting ready to bail every time and even being a bit negative about it all - so much so that you miss the opportunity because you're not looking for it.

As a man, you need to be "certain" within yourself. If you're in a mindset that you NEED sex to happen for you to be happy, you will give off a vibe that will lessen your chances of it happening. And if you know this, then you will never enter that mindset, because you know where it leads. Instead, your mindset is better described as; always ready for it, knowing it will happen (if it's meant to be), but not necessarily this time, cause I don't care exactly when it happens. Life is good! I'm with a hot girl, and she'll want me after I leave.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:09 pm 
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So, as for rescuing the situation - just be the guy you've been with her already. Keep doing your thing.

There's nothing you can do to actively "fix" the situation. Going in with a mindset that you have to fix something, will always end badly. The only thing that will work is what already has been working. She MAY give you another chance, just keep rolling as usual.

In my experience, when you turn a girl down for sex when she really wants it, you lose points big time. It's really demoralising for a girl. The dynamic is totally different a girl really puts her ego on the line when she actually offers sex. (I can go into why it's different, but that will be a lecture.) And you often don't get a second chance when you offend her that badly.

Now that I've told you that, the challenge is to not be worrying about that when you see her next, because that will throw you off. To keep doing what you've been doing, you kind of have to resign yourself to the fact that you may have fucked it up completely, and you're okay with that - anything from here in is a bonus, otherwise, lesson learned. You're just doing what you can now. Just keep doing your thing and see how you go.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:24 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 7:26 am
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Location: Christchurch
Thanks for that mate

Na im pretty sure it was a goodbye tap on the legs cause when i said is that me she said yeah and kinda gave me the your leaving feeling

Ahh well theirs always more fish in the sea and lessons learnt i guess

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