Hi guys.. It's my first post here. I hope my english won't annoy you too much
I need your opinion on something... I described the whole way of my thinking just to let you to give better advice.
The problem is that almost all of the openers popular in the community seems to be too hard for me. Many of them requires an appropriate level of confidence and C&F to work well. I'm really nervous while opening, so if I opened with something C&F I would simply feel like an idiot, it would be very incoherent with myself (the worst thing is when someone tries-hard to be funny). I'm sure that some day I'll be ready to use it, but the day hasn't come yet.
I could use some opinion openers. But I think that approaching woman on a street with: "Hey, I need your advice on something, it's just a second.. The friend of mine wondered if..." is completely unnatural and - for sure - 90% of women will realize in just a second that it's a pick-up (especially when I'm nervous while asking that question). No one here asks such a questions on a street (I live in central Europe).
Finally, I can't force myself to use any of these popular openers (I don't even consider using direct openers at this time). I know, you want to say: "don't care about her reaction, don't care about feeling like an idiot. Just go there and do it" I know the whole theory, I've read it hundreds of times. I wasted lots of time doing excuse-breaking missions, like: asking for time, for directions, trying to tell non-sexual compliments.. with no effects.
I think the problem was that I was focused on fighting with my excuses, while not having real contacts with women. Therefore I decided to approach and open in a way that makes me feel enough comfortable and then to continue the conversation as long as possible, without worrying about building attracition. To try to make as many non-sexual, friendly interactions as possible. My goal for nearest future is to be able to stop every woman on a street, initiate at least 5 min long interactions and feel comfortable with it. That would be a good starting point for learning real pick-up.
I know that the best way to start such a conversation is to use some situational, spontaneous openers like, for ex. when standing under a stage: "Excuse me, do you know who's going to play here today? - Really, what kind of music is that?" etc. I'm going to use it everytime an occasion will occur. But as long as I'm not enough talkative and 'social' I don't see many occasions to open in this way. I'm also running out of things to say just after asking the initial question. And I have a lot of AA when I need to open my mouth to a women in such situations.
I need something very indirect and universal, something that could be used everytime and everywhere. Something repeatable, what can be improved everyday (if I ran of things to say, I can prepare what to say if discussion stucked in the same point again).
I began opening with such a "routine":
- Excuse me, I'm looking for some good, large bookstore, but not for X (name of the biggest bookstore around). Do you know any nearby?
- (she recommends a bookstore)
- The one behind the courthouse? I've already been there..
- (she recommends something different)
- Well... I've been there too. I visited few bookstores around. There is a bookstore1 on place1.. And bookstore2 on place2.. and 3..
(here they usually agree with me and say something like: "yes, excactly - there is one" to every bookstore I'm mentioning. It makes some psychological impression that we agree and that we've already started a conversation)
Usually, when they hear "Excuse me" they look at me like: "WTF? What does this guy wants from me?" but when they hear that it's just about bookstores they start to feel more comfortable and answer nicely. This material gives me an opportunity to stop everyone in almost every situation and to fill first 1 or 2 minutes of conversation. In last 2 weeks I used it about 30 times. For the first time in my life I started to approach stranger women and talk with them. I noticed that about 20% of them is interested in keeping the conversation from the fist second of my approach, usually those in age 30+, (I'm 30 yo). Definitely, most of them don't suspect it's a pick-up, they just treat it like normal, natural conversation.
The problem is that I have no idea how to leave a frame of someone looking for a bookstore and to move the conversation to a different topic without making her feel that from the beginning I intended to do this. How to unnoticeably change it into a real dialogue. Few times it just happened somehow (because she was very talkative). I know that after the opener I wrote above, I could ask her: "Ok, thanks for your help. I'll look around and try to find something. By the way, I want to buy a book for a wedding present for my friends. What would you recommend?" - but if I did it that way, I know that she would notice in just a second that it's unnatural and that the whole conversation is fake.
And now my questions is: do you have any experiences with starting such an easy, indirect interactions? (no openers that seems to be fake)? Any advice on how to do it? Maybe there is a thread on this forum that I've missed?
Do you have some FR's or movies about it? I found just one Alex Coulson's approach, he was asking for some cafe (he's a very inspiring guy, I ike his game). It's my first post, so I can't give you a link.
Or maybe my whole way of thinking is wrong and you, who started from the same point, solved it in different way?
I think it would be very useful thread for most people still fighting with AA. Most of us, afraid of using 'traditional' openers, is able to ask for directions, time, or a bookstore.
Thanks for your help
CHAT
