Now Gentlemen,

We all know that strippers only do it for the money and aren't interested in you and all that bullshit. We also know that they have needs and like a nice genuine guy to dance to instead of the regulars that just fantasise over her and then try to feel her arse before getting kicked out by the bouncers for touching to go home with a kebab and masturbate.

I don't go very often purely cos the girls there work and aren't interested in you...but I went a 2 Fridays ago because the club we were in was crap and I wanted to go to one further away. My pal protests adamant he would not walk all the way to the other end of town to go to the other club with out stopping somewhere for a drink on the way. I agreed to this as one of the reasons I wanted to leave the club was due to the poor bar service. Walked for a bit and came up to the strip club when he decided to go in. Fuck it why not, chat to some dancers- doesn't matter if they are hot or stinking but i'll tell them they are all beautiful anyway.

When we arrived at the strippers we go straight to the bar and get a brew. Instantly my buddy went off for a dance so I realised- this is probably going to be it for tonight and best just forget about the other club. Within minutes a gorgeous black stripper HB9.5 with an amazing ass comes up to me and asks for a dance. I told her I have a drink coming and maybe when I've finished, she says fine I'll get one too. We drink together and talk for a bit- whats your name? where are you from? what do you do? - the usual. When we've finished...

Stripper- So then we going upstairs for a private dance now?
Me- How much?
Stripper- £50
Me- I didn't plan on coming here and only have £30
Stripper- That'll do.

We went up to the private booth where I got my dance and she complimented me on my Megadeth t-shirt and she started to strip which is after all what I payed for. I got really turned on and started my usual routine stripper chat of 'oh you are so beautiful' and 'you have such a nice body' and all the rest of it when I decided to neg her. I said 'You have nice hair btw, is it fake? Oh well it looks good anyway' she turned round and just started laughing then carried on dancing. As she had been dancing for quite a while I asked if I could touch it and she said yes as long i was sly and nobody could see it. I then asked if I could kiss it and she laughed and said 'let me rub it in your face first' and when she did i kissed it.

The dance came to and end and it was getting late so i decided to get one last drink in and to my surprise she joined me again. We talked about anything and everything and i mimicked her Ghanaian accent (i have a talent for impressions) which she found hilarious and then I popped the question

Me- Do you have a boyfriend?
Stripper- No
Me- Do you find that men judge you because you dance naked for money?
Stripper- All the time.
Me- That's stupid to me, just because you dance for cash doesn't mean you are incapable of having a good relationship.
Stripper- I wish more men had that attitude.
Me- Really? I thought....
BARMAN- (rings bell) LAST ORDERS AT THE BAR PLEASE
Me- Well we can meet socially and you can wear clothes then. What is your number?
Stripper- 0782*******

Stripper- Put the phone away I will lose my job if they catch us
Me- i'll try to remember it
DJ- Gentlemen the time is now 03:00 and we are closed for business, Thank you for your custom.

After receiving a quick kiss on the cheek i rejoin my friend and leave the club. I am a bit drunk and punch in what i can remember of her number.

***************************************************************

The next day I look at it and realised I took her number down incorrectly. It read 02786****** and it is impossible to have a mobile (cell) number starting with 02 in the UK.

A week later we decide to go back so I can have a 2nd bite at the apple. She is busy so i fend off other strippers with the excuse 'I only have card, would you like a cheque instead?' When she is free she comes over and remembers everything i told her and i explained that i took her number down wrong and shes suggested that i write it down for her. I paid by card and got a pen to sign the sale docket. I quickly pulled out a burger king receipt (a napkin is too obvious) and wrote it on the receipt. We went for a dance and i slyly slipped the burger king receipt into the side of her thong and let her dance. When she had finished it was time to go home and she said she would call me.

She didn't.

I'm not looking to know what I did wrong because I know that this story is just too ridiculous to possibly be successful but I just thought I'd share this experience with you all because its utterly ludicrous and i hope its given you a reason to chuckle.

However, I posted it for a reason. Do you think there is any point in returning and making a proper decent organized attempt? Or should i just abandon ship completely because I can't see this going anywhere...

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hootsmon

Personally I think you need to understand that you are dealing with a hired gun here so her job is to make you come back and spend more money. I don't exactly feel like you separated yourself from the average joe who comes to the club and spends their money. My suggestion for you is to keep her in your mind and maybe get lap dances from other strippers. If she comes up to try to get you to buy a lap dance again, deny her the money and pay more attention to another stripper. Also since strippers get a lot of attention from the guys its important to neg this girl when you can and build up yourself by showing DHV's

Thanks for the advice Cam, I neg'd her quite a bit already...but like I say- i don't go to strip clubs very often.

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hootsmon

Process over outcome!!!!

Good tale, actually well played too. However, like you said she is a hired gun. I want prattle about you with why you shouldn't bother, instead just suggest that you should look at the situation from above and take yourself out of it.

As described I can only see two flaws in the scenario. 1, you made the mistake of not writting down the number in the first place. 2, you gave her your number instead of getting hers again.

1 was a drunken fail, we all do it.

2 was a shit test and you didn't pass it. She probably has a drawer or bowl of guys phone numbers and yours got tossed in to the forever void of "if I get bored".

I've known personally several strippers as my girl worked at a club for about a year after she finished school and was job hunting. It was a very educational experience for me because I learned a few easily overlooked facts about girls in general.

What I learned specific to strippers is that they have no shortage of suitors. When you asked her if she had a boyfriend, the truth that she held back was "I have 2209348029384029384029384, but I'm going to say NO anyway". And guess what, she told all of them "no" too.

So how do you become one of these illustrius fellas? only three ways: be the HOTTEST (ripped body), the RICHEST or the most CHARMING of her options. Without being RICH you will never be her "boyfriend", unless you just have the whole badboy badass sex god thing nailed (which so few do). Without having a ripped adonis physique you will never be a regular fuck buddy, but if you can be respectful, charming and fun you can definately get some casual no strings attached sex from a sexy girl on occasion. Just be prepared to be strung along to get it.

Strippers treat guys like a buffet. They generally take the largest helping of their favorite dish, but they still occasionally and randomly grab a scoop of some of the more interesting looking sides. Is it any different for a guy with many girls at his disposal?

I would let this one go, but keep this in mind for the future. Good luck!

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"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-