Brings the lols:

I would swim across the amazon river with 45 lb dumbbells tied to my scrotum and ellen degeneres' queef as my only air supply if it meant that i could have a seafood dinner with you over SPAM on a dial-up connection.

I would scale mt. everest in flip-flops with snooki fist-pumping my face the entire way just to shake the hand of the doctor who delivered you into this world.

I would throw myself into a pit of AIDS infected syringes if it meant that i could put my name in a lottery with a million other people for a chance to caress your aesthetically symmetric elbows while wearing gloves.

I would swim across a pool of shit with my mouth open just to obtain the contents of your bathroom trash can.

Funny dude!
Though i hope everybody understands this is never ever to be used, not even in a tong and cheek kinda way.
However, convincing your freinds you a girl using these lines would be huge!