Ok, the back story is that I've seen this chick around the office a bit now and never really had the chance to be in a one on one setting to actually start talking. I've only ever seen her walking around, she works in another department than I do, so just walking over is kinda out of the question...

But yesterday I saw another friend of mine talking to her. So, I figured I'd do some recon and see what she's all about. He told me she doesn't have a boyfriend and is into import tuner cars (as am i, BIG TIME!). At this point I decided that I NEED to talk to this chick. I told him to throw in a good word for me, big up me, whatever, haha.

Today he came over and told me that he just walked over and talked to her for me today. From what it sounds like, he just said something to the affect of "my boy Rob wanted to say hi", to which she responded with "Well, why doesn't he just come over and say hi himself?". Now, I feel like a D-BAG. I feel like I should be sitting in the corner of the class passing notes around because I don't have the balls to talk to her myself. I'm worried that my first impression's already blown.

He says that I should just go to the other side of the floor (Where she sits relative to me) and just introduce myself. Now, normally I don't have a HUGE issue with opening, but given what has already happened, and given that we've never officially been introduced, it would be awkward / unprofessional to just jump over and say hi.

Other than sending her an email to simply break the ice and mention stuff about cars, which I literally could go all day on, I don't know how else to open and look good given the situation. Would opening with an email just to break the ice be a bad idea?

At first thought, I think of it as being a pvssy and not having the guts to just do it in person, but I don't know how else to since we never have any other chance to really talk. Should I just open with a strait forward email? If so, how would I DHV and neg without over doing it through text and not actual verbal speech?

Any and all ideas would be GREATLY appreciated.

After initialy ready the post I will have to agree that this is not your IDEAL situation. By no means is it dead though. You have to man-up and act like a man. Women like men who act like men. You dont necessarily need to do a neg right off the bat. Negs are usually used during shit tests or bitch shields. They can also be used to keep things light, fun and flirtatious.

Possible oppener:

So the word around here is that you like "whatever" cars. Most of the ladies I've met in the past that liked them have ended up being a little shady(you choose stereo type). Maybe you'll surprise me. (more of a push-pull) We're (I'm) thinking about grabbing a drink (whatever) dah dah dah... maybe you'd like to join. Well I have to bouce (get back to work).... (Time constraint) then let the gme begin.

Just man up and approach her. I wouldn't email it cause it's not as alpha male like.

Let me know how it goes.

Whatever you do, DO NOT email her. That's plain whack. I'd have to agree with sreupert, you need to man-up and approach. It's not too late.

Firstly, you're interested in her. You don't like her necessarily. You may be attracted to her, but you need to know her more. That's how you should understand your state of mind. And that could be her state of mind too. You have to see it from her point of view. So you need to build up your profile through communication.

Your opener should be focused on the common interests you share. Start with sreupert's suggestion and tell her that you're also a big fan of cars and that it's "cool to hear someone here also likes cars more than the average." Show her your fun side. Ask her which cars are her favs in particular. Next thing is to ask her out on a drink sometime with your bud. Don't axe him out of the equation just yet. He linked the two of you up, so keep this light and fun and the three of you should go out for some paint ball or some other cool activity. Get together at a sports bar sometime -- if she's into it. If you prematurely give off the slightest hint that you're interested in something more than building a rapport, you might be written off as an over-eager beaver chaser. Besides, there's the professional aspect of this situation. You both work for the same company. How far do you want this to really go? That's something you should think about.

in Conclusion: think small steps; not big ones. Identify that you don't know her and would like to get to know her. Full stop. Kill the anxiety; Keep the mood easy going and go out for a quick activity; no commitments; maybe you might be able to get her phone number so that "we can do it [paint ball] another time." Maybe not. Maybe you won't like her. Maybe she's not good enough for you. My point is, don't build up anxiety over theoretical scenarios or eventualities.

Now, the only problem I have with walking over to her and directly opening her is that I thought that making a direct line to a woman, showing that I have interest gives her value, which is something I don't want to do, not at first at least. I've been waiting for an opportunity to possibly run into her in the break room or something. She works in another department on the opposite side of the floor, so if I walk over to her, it's obvious that I LIKE her and hold her to some type of value. Am I wrong in thinking that I can't just walk over to her and start talking?

I've been planning for a bunch of people from work together for happy hour tomorrow after work, one of those people is the friend of mine who's friends with the girl. I told him to put an open invite to her. I figured being with 5 or 6 of my friends, in a social gathering of my making would be pretty good social proof as well as make her comfortable with the friend there. From there, I can open and run my car routine I have planned....


Any thoughts on my thinking process on directly opening? or thoughts about my plan for the get together?

what is up with this guy always putting in a word for you? the happy hour is the opener. schedule the happy hour, march over there, introduce yourself, and invite her to the happy hour. car talk can happen later.

i wouldn't mess with a woman at work but that's another thread. don't send emails. leave no evidence.

I agree, You NEED to be direct. This "friend putting in a good word" is BS. Any time I have been the guy asked to put in the good word the girl has become interested in me.

The only time a guy can put in a good word on your behalf is as a wing man. You have already established commfort, are working towards attraction. A group of you are out, the guy goes to talk with other people and the wing man is left with the target. Stories that ad higher value are best at this time, not "So my buddy is interested, he's awesome" Thats lame and does more of a disservice.

Bottom line is you need to man-up or watch it walk away.

I too agree with dipping the pen in company ink. It can get a little sticky.

That was a painful read. You've already shown interest by having your friend talk to her for you so the approach issue is an excuse and a good way to never talk to any women ever.

It doesn't really matter so long what you say as you go and talk to her. Like now. Tell her your friend mentioned that she wanted to say hi and ask why she didn't come and say it herself, or write some cheesy note asking if she will run away and marry you.

If you email her first, you have failed massively.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

I get your point about wanting a more inconspicuous or disguised approach.

Here's an idea:

Go to a bookstore and buy a Car Catalog or Magazine which has a series of clearly displayed cars (most of which are your favorites). Go around the office asking who likes what and tally up the score. Conceal the running score. Tell your voting work peers that the winning car may end up on a poster on your wall at home (i.e. you're gonna find a poster for that winning car or you're gonna cut out a picture of the car from this magazine and hang it near your office desk or sth). Ask her what she thinks "cuz you heard she really likes cars."
Mode of Flow? She's just another person in the office you're asking. Listen for trailing subjects that will continue the conversation. Don't stay for too long. I think you should call it a day after that. She'll remember you as that "car-lovin guy". Be fun, light, humorous. (don't be over-dieseled with excitement).
Don'ts? Don't start up a smart conversation about cars. Don't focus on the conversation with her, treat her as just another person.
Dos? Start a fun conversation about cars (hopefully this idea gets it rolling). Try trailing off to other subjects as you see more space opening up. Stay easy-going and listen to what she has to say. Don't fake it. Let the conversation flow naturally.
Lastly? Forget everything you read here when you start talking. Fun random fact: In the movie The Last Samurai, Nobutada told Algrin "No mind [when facing your challenge -- just do]". Just enjoy and live in that moment... thats livin la vida

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Success Will Come

really cannot help if your afraid to approach =_=

If you really want to get this chick go up to her when you get a chance and start a random conversation. If you dont have anything to talk about then just introduce yourself and then talk about something you guys may have in common. I really think you should just approach her, she doesn't have a boyfriend - Easy Game !

Good luck though.

LW

I like the Car Magazine idea. I'll definitely look into it...

But I don't think the problem is that I'm AFRAID to open, I have no problem with opening, but it's that I don't want to directly do it. I just need the right opportunity. There are 3 different departments that are separated (for legal reasons / healthare industry) and she's in the other department. I NEVER go over there. So, if I walk around to find where she sits, and then directly approach her at her cubicle, I'm putting WAY too much effor and value into here. I feel like I'm starting off at a disadvantage. If I just had the opportunity to open her very casually/over the shoulder, maybe in the break room or something, I would absolutely have no problem.

The friend that I told her invite her out ended up not coming to the happy hour, and she didn't either. Oh, well. I still had a blast with my friends anyway...

I just don't know any other way to open her indirectly. If I do it directly, I fear that I'm showing too much interest, or the effort going into it would make me look overly desperate.

Thoughts?

There are two options:
option 1 be patient; opportunities can arise and you have to be very patient and be on the lookout for opportunities that will see you two conversing "randomly". You might go a few weeks to months before something comes up, but the outcome can be much smoother than option 2 which you have an understandable degree of apprehension for.
option 2 (after exhausting option 1 or understandably not wanting to patient to what appears to be a lack of opportune moments) create a moment by walking over there and approaching her directly. hey man, if your friend did it, so can you. I think going over there to see if she's into import tuner cars (like you) is a big enough reason to go over there and strike up a conversation about import tuner cars. Go there with a folded magazine in one hand, a smile, and a "hey, i just heard you like import tuner cars, i thought i'd come and say hi and see/hear this for myself cuz im into that too." Keep it simple and honest. Cuz deep down inside, that's what you want to know more about... so establish your target objective which is to elicit and confirm information that establishes a basis of common interests. She's demonstrated enough value to warrant such an approach. No problem in taking the effort in accessing a slightly out-of-the-way but accessible cubicle to meet someone who has shared interests.

Now you had better be psychologically prepared for the possibilities of a reciprocation in interest or an expression of a general lack of interest. She might smile and offer a longer conversation. She might offer to postpone the dialog cuz she's swamped. She might make an excuse to stop the conversation. She might not. She might have a sparkle in her eyes for you. You can't know for sure which way these things will go... but you dont have to. Either way, you do your best and you swallow the fact: i am not in control of every aspect of this situation. There are two individuals to this scenario, you and her. You each possess the capacity and will to make decisions and execute responses. Don't take it personally if she does not reciprocate. Don't take anything personally at this stage. That is my word of advice. Having said that, Happy hunting and Hakuna Matata!

_________________
Success Will Come

I would go up to her regularly. Tell her that you always have people initiate meetings for you, in order to filter out whether the people are interesting enough to talk to (make it a cocky/funny sort of thing). This will make you exude confidence as you talk to her.