Hi all,

One of my biggest fears are approaching. The only time i've actually been successful is online dating (doesn't get easier than typing an opening msg to a girl), on vacation (girls are pretty laid back so it's easy) or if i'm introduced to a girl.

I've never went out to a bar, club,lounge, supermaket, etc and just went up to a girl and opened. I have the biggest fear of rejection, what if she looks at me weird, what if she responds negatively, etc...all these things go through my mind and I never end up hitting on the them. How can I get over this fear? I've tried to push myself god knows how many times...the thoughts are there and I don't have the balls to do it.

Any advice or suggestions on how to train myself?

Thanks

I'll tell you how I got over it. I used to have the same situation as you. Guts for meetings after an online chat, but no guts in the club, bar, etc. Then I was on vacation out of my country and just said...fuck it. If you think of it, a bar is kind of like a chatroom, if you don't make an impression, no one will ever remember you (as long as you don't visit the club too often and then do nothing but stand in a corner and drink your beer).

So I just said to myself:"ok...i'm in a chat room, i'll just talk to a random girl and if she does not reply, i'll just go on to another girl across the club." And so I did. But the approaches were usually not succesfull. That didn't matter anyway, because the main goal was just to do it. And when I got tired of trying I closed the chatroom (aka. left the club) and opened another chatroom, only this time I had better success.

So when I was back home, I had almost no AA. Just really concentrate on your mindset, that you're just entering a chatroom and that it doesn't matter how you do, cause you can allways click another person.

That's a brilliant way to look at it!

Thanks a lot...

I have no problems at all meeting chicks off the internet.

The difference is that I kind of already know them by talking to them on pof and msn, so we've already established a friendship. The day that I meet them, I'm not nervous at all and I'm pulling out every trick in the books and I do well at it. The difference here is that i'm bypassing approaching and opening IN PERSON. That's my problem!

Then again, I have no problems at all approaching and opening sets on vacations like all inclusive resorts because I know the mindsets of women there are "we're here to chill, relax and PUT OUR BITCH SHIELDS DOWN". Bitchshields are completely down when they exit off that plane into another country...this is what I've analyzed.

But when I get back home, I'm like a totally different person. I go out to a club and I don't have the balls to approach a single girl b/c most are bitches to begin with when being approached...I see my friends being shut down all the time and it aggravates me!

I think the answer is GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS and stop being afraid of rejection...the challenge is doing it!

I have always despised bars and end up drinking too much to numb myself to the environment or getting into a fight. I always thought this was because I just didn't get 'the bar thing'. You, sir, have helped me immensely with this metaphor.

1) You'll probably never see that person again
2) Seriously, what's the WORST thing that could happen?
3) Every single person gets rejected sometimes. You're not the only one. Nobody will make fun of you.
4) The feeling of meeting a complete stranger and successfully picking them up is indescribable. This feeling outweighs the negative feelings of rejection exponentially

Hey there,

Any fear or gut-level reaction you have to an external stimulus has been conditioned within your nervous system, so too to overcome the old conditioning and revamp your sub-conscious with a new meta program to put the feelings of self-confidence and social empowerment on auto pilot also requires
conditioning.

One of the exercise I teach to men during our live in field seminars is something called ideal self actualization and future pacing.


Here is what you do, you close your eyes and picture your ideal self.
Picture all facets to his physical appearance, mannerisms, beliefs, look, dress
body language.


In other words, imagine that the super confident, super cool, super fly you is in front of you like a CLONE in your minds eye. Then get excited about that image
and say to yourself with emotion(Remember, the subconscious mind is influenced) by what you emotionalize not simply rationalize.

"I am turning into a super confident, socially empowered leader right now"

About 4 times and feel yourself eventually meshing or integrating your current self with the ideal self you virtually manifested in your mind's eye.


Then once the current you and the ideal you are ONE, put yourself in social situations and future pace( meaning see yourself in actual situations) and ask yourself "How would my ideal self think, feel and act" in this crowd, or bar, or club or whatever social environment you conjure up in your mind.


You know it man. He would be sporting the attitude of King Kong
Would walk in owning the mother fucker
Would dominate and lead other men
Confidently walk up to women and talk to them with a relaxed poise, speak to them with loud and dominant vocal projection, flirtatious vocal tonality, etc

See yourself as your ideal self in a real world scenario and eventually since your sub-conscious mind cannot tell the difference between a real experience or one that is vividly imagined you will eventually and as a matter of fact, quite quickly start to think, feel and act on auto pilot like him.


Hope this helps you and best of luck

McMaax
http://www.maaximumseduction.com

It's a common problem as you know man. It seems you've got something called limiting beliefs there my friend. It's a term routed in NLP which means a belief that prevents us from doing something because we have an untrue belief that we can't do it.

Let's say I ask you, "Can you walk a tight rope?" Unless you're a circus performer you'll tell me no "I can't" huh? How do you know until you've gone up there and tried to walk? Until you've taken a lesson and perhaps stepped on that rope, you're lying you yourself without a reason aren't you?

The trick is to eliminate limiting beliefs by disproving them. This may be approaching, changing your beliefs about people and that kinda stuff.

You say you're afraid you'll get rejected. The truth is that 90% of people are brought up learning that you should be polite to people. And the other 10% I don't think you wanna meet them, I know I don't. So chances are they'll politely excuse themselves in the worst possible case.

Next "what if she looks at me weird." Some girls who are interested in you also do this. That's because you're different and they never met a guy like that before. It's a neg. Let's say we tell a girl she's weird as a neg, she'll try to qualify herself to you or disprove it. So a weird look can become an IOI when you play it right. I'll admit that it'll need practice though. How's that train of thought feel?

If she responds negatively: I'm guessing you mean she tosses her drink in your face and says get lost loser? Or she doesn't respond to your game? Let's take the first one. Do you really want to meet someone like that? I mean unless a guy starts grabbing at her or something, acting like that is pretty bitchy and we're too good for bitches right? Now the lighter side. If she doesn't respond to your game, perhaps she had a bad day and doesn't feel like hooking up with someone. Well you gained a new friend. There your social value just went up a point.

This has a feel of being optimistic all the time. Once you weigh it all out you'll realise you've been limiting yourself all along. Good luck bro and btw I was waiting for someone to take the PUA name giggity

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Fox

Nice, thanks a lot for all the responses! Very helpful

I went to a club on Saturday and the only thing that helped me go up to chicks was the booze. I was checking out two...an HB7.5 but she was with an HB5 friend. I was getting some IOIs from the HB 7.5 but everytime I tried to get close to her she would kind of cut me off...she looked a bit too shy...also the HB5 was all over me so I told my friend to take it for the team and get her away, which he did but the HB7.5 was still too hesitant so I stopped wasting my time.

Anyway, I need to step it up this weekend for sure. I also need to read a lot more on these forums to learn some more b/c I'm terrible. I was in a super long relationship so my experience level is very poor.

p.s: I'm surprised giggity wasn't taken lol.

problem with this approach is that it only works in a public area where you are not likely to meet the person again.

What about a work/Office scenario, like during lunch break ? that becomes tricky.

This is what i'm faced with at the moment!

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Its all in the mind...

well...he kind of asked for a bar etc... but I agree. This could be difficult in working area. If I were to pick up a lady from work (wich I would never do...I have this policy about not picking up women/girls that are my schoolmates, coworkers etc) I would first practice day game and getting girsl out of work mindspace/mindstate. The first thing you need to do is turn the socialising switch on. At least that's what I would do.