First some basics on me. I'm 32yrs young, successful investment bank trader, and by all accounts blessed with well above average looks. So last night i go to a club with a guy friend who by the way has similar profile.

We choose a club where average female age is 26yrs and so we're probably older than most guys there. We're both looking for a quality girl but want to enjoy the search along the way - standard. A large % of the guys here seem like dicks, being rejected left, right and centre, but hey at least they are trying. We stand out. We go to the centre of the dance floor and suddenly girls start to close in, we're surrounded. at this point i should take advantage and approach one of them, or at least shape to dance alongside one of them, but do i fuck ! i just seem to satisfy myself with the glances and attention. but it never lasts. frustration always follows. my friend does a little better since he has a great smile and gets the odd woman approaching him ! eventually the girls always disperse, seemingly not good enough for us.

this pattern repeats throughout the night. two great looking guys go home empty-handed. there's probably a dozen HB9s that think i'm aloof, and/or not interested in them when really i just lack the intent and balls to strike up a conversation. i know for a fact last nite that two HB9s made a point of dancing/standing close to me the whole night. girls never make the first move, however, what they will do is park themselves in a place or situation that gives them the best chance of being sarged by me. it happens all the time to me. but i cant seem to respond. meanwhile these same girls are seen getting with very average looking guys and this adds to my frustration.

how am i going to get the girl that i deserve and want ? i have to change my ways. i guess nothing new here. just that the frustration and vicious cycle seems worse when you've actually got a lot going for you. i don't think i fear rejection as such. the rare times when i have tried to open and failed with girls, i'm never feeling inadequate in any way. it's the not trying that really sucks. i really ought to have figured all this out at my age.

Do you know who you are? What you have to offer a girl?

If not, how will she?

I know EXACTLY who I am, and what I have to offer a girl, so when I approach, I have the confidence knowing that I am probably the coolest guy she is going to meet all night.

Now that's more of an identity change, which takes a looonng time to internalize.


What you can do tonight...

Start out, at the beginning of the night, and get a set out of the way. I don't care if it's talking to the bouncers, the bartender, a group of dudes, an old lady...

Get that first set out of the way.

You can either build positive momentum for the night, or negative.

Too many nights when I was starting out did I enter the venue... Go get a drink... Go to the bathroom... Walk around the venue...

Then start thinking "Oh shit, I am choooode!!" You get in your head and in a logical headspace.

You need to get into that social mode right away and start building momentum.

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Real Social Dynamics Executive Coach

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