| Here's my two-cents on this subject...
My PUA mentor (Arash) really opened my mind about it. (As a striving PUA coach) I thought I'd share my (and his) view/experience with this never-ending battle that you will soon desensitize.
Let's skip the obvious "Approach Anxiety (AA)" logic/threads/advice, and look down a deeper/different hole...
You're learning to approach/open so: SHE IS COMFORTABLE (NOT YOU).
A lot of times (when you approach), you're worried about yourself (fear, rejection, etc.).. Here's a different view.. She's a girl, you're a guy, and she doesn't know you. What do you do? You approach her in a way that makes her COMFORTABLE. You're removing the "discomfort" FOR HER.
When you're going to approach (and you're worried about HER), you have less anxiety.
Why? Because you're taking care of them (like, a host of a party).
Now, if you're worried about yourself (taking care of YOURSELF), you're going to have more anxiety.
Here's a short story:
I'm a former boxing instructor.. The same principle applies. I've seen students worry about themselves not getting hurt, which (without a doubt) leads to issues.. But, when they focus on their opponent (how they move, their rhythm, etc.), they have less anxiety / they are less nervous. Because your attention is NOT on YOU, it's ON them.
Like Arash said:
"You're not the first guy that approaches her, You're not the last guy that approaches her.
She's not the first girl you're going to approach, She's not the last girl you're going to approach.
There's a 'big thing' happening in this world, you two are just having a "MOMENT"."
I'm also going to assume somewhere (subconsciously) in your mind, you're thinking about "getting the girl". Maybe you're thinking "man, I really hope I get her phone number" or "man, I wonder what she looks like naked" or even "man, I hope she talks to me"...
Take my view for a second.. NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET THE GIRL!!!
Some people aren't even COMFORTABLE SPEAKING to a stranger, and they want to sleep with 9's and 10's. I'm sorry, they're delusional..
Let's start over..
A. You're working on a skill-set, NOT an outcome.
What's the first "skill" you're working on? BEING SOCIAL... THAT'S IT.
How do we work on "being social"? Your 'mind state', your 'personality' needs to be the fun (not creepy) guy who doesn't want anything from people (especially her). You're JUST the guy who talks, talks, and talks to everyone (guy or girl). You'll most likely NEVER see them again anyway!
B. Indirect
You need to realize the entire structure is FLAWLESS.
If you're scared of rejection, understand the "indirect method" is the cure. You're NOT "hitting on her", you're NOT "flirting with her", and again, you DON'T want ANYTHING from her. Even when you ask her (or the groups) opinion, your "vibe" shouldn't be "I really need this opinion from you". It should sound like you almost don't care if they answer you, or not. They just "happened" to be in your way as you thought about it. Walk by, then SPONTANEOUSLY (over the shoulder) run the opener. THAT'S IT.. And REALLY believe that it's going to work, because it will.. Do that a few times, then start adding a "false time constraint" (one step at a time, gentlemen).
I know there's a huge gap between reading this v.s applying it.. But believe me, you'll feel like a different person within a week.
My ex-girlfriend was a model for 'Paul Mitchell' and I STILL feel some anxiety approaching women IF I DON'T FOCUS THE ATTENTION ON HER.
P.M me if you need me to clarify anything.
[this is where I would say goodluck] but you don't need it, it's not a big deal, so let's stop making it one.
|
CHAT