Today I went to get a jamba juice, as I am sick and it makes me feel better. my outward appearance is normal, save for dressing somewhat uncaringly. Right outside the store was a somewhat attractive red head with nerdy glasses but a nice body. She wasnt all that hot... 6, 7 at most, but I do have a thing for red hair. I got a cluster of IOIs while looking at her. I knew she wanted me to talk to her. She wasnt that hot, I knew I could have. I should have.

And I didnt! I just had too much anxiety built up over it! I was even unusually bold with her, blatantly checking her out as I walked past, watching her perk her breasts and flip her hair at me, watching me watch her, and I couldn't open. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? Is this so hard, that I cant open a girl who seems to want to talk to me? Apparently so. Its just... man, I lose ALL capability of thinking when the moment comes for me to say something. My ability to think is the only thing I have to succeed.

I need something... tailored... to me, in order to do this. I cant just do it like everyone else, I freeze up like no other time in my life.

You choked, no big deal. Just start saying hi to more people so it is almost reflex. Try again later. It gets easier.

You need to get over your AA...

It's preventing you from being able to speak to new girls.

Only way to do it is to fail... stop caring (you're never going to see these people again), and just go for it. Assume she's attracted to you and just go for it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's OK. It happens to the best of us.

They key to getting over approach anxiety is to constantly practice gaining social momentum. In other words, act on as many small impulses as you can so you don't give yourself any time to second-guess yourself.

I think the problem possibly lies in being too outcome-dependant, putting too much pressure on yourself, instead of starting from a fundamental level and working your way up. If opening feels really difficult, like there's some kind if intangible barrier (despite being physically possible to accomplish), you need to find LEVERAGE to START taking the necessary BABY STEPS towards your goals.

Even after all these years and having reaching a pretty competent level, sometimes I will even shy away from doing some approaches (then regretting it). However! I have become increasingly self-aware to develop and monitor a fine-tuned system to recognise how I feel, why I feel it, what my state is reflecting in terms of my actions (not just whether I succeed or not), and the best course of action to get back into the best state in the moment (for maximum leverage).

Hence more good days than bad days, where I will be flowing/unstifled and opening with greater ease, with a lot of experience to back it up - the familiarity of being comfortable with various cold approach situations, instead of a strange and unknown reality. You're freezing because you're probably trying to accomplish too much, possibly hoping to avoid rejection (looking bad) and make everything go perfect (nothing is perfect), which causes your brain to malfunction and shut down.

In practical terms, I would suggest taking your mind off pick-up specifically and focus on becoming a social and confident person in general - banter with store people, break social convention in different ways (without feeling weird or judged), ask normal questions (ie. ask for directions) from anyone you don't know (strangers), getting any social experience under your belt and "testing" to see how you feel, and your willingness to act in these low-pressure situations (where your ego cannot be affected as much).

Then start talking to those you're actually attracted to, erring on the side of indirect for further leverage to create the necessary experience interacting with women. Who's going to blow you out for asking where the nearest coffee shop is? No one. Are you trying to close these people from the get-go? No. Like I mentioned several times about leverage, just do whatever you can to get in, prove that it's okay and you feel better about it (from increasing exposure and willingness that go hand-in-hand), and you should naturally start to open up more. Which means confidence in expressing your intent, being comfortable with the tension that exists between men and women, especially the boldness of cold approach in day-game. Set the criteria of success low, be pro-active, reward yourself for small victories (especially since most people won't ever start or ever be good at DG) and the victories will only get better over time.

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Flowmentum Dating | FB

sounds like a cocktail of inexperience and not being "warmed up". happens to me so much - really is no big deal! you'll do better next time. just keep working on it!

Much the same tone as my initial post. Really, don't invest too much thought in it, grow some balls and talk to a girl. Be scared, and do it anyway.

Thanks guys. Chris, that looks like a plan.

I just find it especially strange because sometimes I do converse with girls. Every once in a while I even get laid. "Warm approaches" work the best for me, kill off a lot of the anxiety. Theres just something about cold approaching that builds way too much anxiety in one instance, like some kind of... triggering effect.

It makes me think of my mom, who was horribly prude in my upbringing. She was raised by mexican nuns, probably the definition of ultra-conservative. I was taught to suppress and fear my sexuality. Now, whenever I think about anything mildly related to sexuality considering a woman, I freak out, especially when I initially see a girl I am sexually interested in. Thanks mom, you held your own grandchildren at bay.

I can relate, coming from a good yet conservative Greek-background family where sex was a taboo topic. Even dating and relationships wasn't really on the agenda. Just be yourself, be nice, don't talk to strangers, you'll somehow find the right one eventually, old-fashioned ideals, etc. But even as adults we can change and think differently, so if my identity in relation to dating beliefs and behaviours can change dramatically over the years, then so can yours.

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Flowmentum Dating | FB

Have you tried the newbie mission?
It's pretty hard, but it helps to open you up to others. All you're doing is saying hi, so there's less pressure. (You don't have to worry about what to say next, etc...)

After that, just work on talking to everyone that you encounter in the field, not just girls. It's a lot easier to 'game' an eighty year old woman than a HB10.

Do these two things, and you'll become more and more comfortable in social situations. Once you've done that, you can start to apply your newly found comfort to your interactions with girls.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

You're freezing because you're probably trying to accomplish too much, possibly hoping to avoid rejection (looking bad) and make everything go perfect

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I recommend this e-book to learn how to get a girlfriend

A technique that has really helped work for me (and I wish I could tell you where I got it so I could give it credit) is asking yourself 3 simple questions:

-Do you feel as though you are a good person?
-Are you here to intentionally hurt anybody?
-Can your conversation with her possibly make her day, or week, or etc.?

If you answered Yes. No. Yes. respectively, then why not go talk to her! We as people have this amazing ability to cripple or lift the spirits of those around us.

So next time you see a girl or any person for that matter, and you dread the thought of striking up conversation, just ask yourself those questions.

Who knows, you honestly could pull a person out of a terrible funk by just smiling and saying hi!

This sounds really cool!

Cognitive behavioral therapy for AA.

Be sure to let us know when you find out where you got it!

I came at pua through CBT. The poster may have gotten it from a particular place, but it seems like the standard type thing to combat negative thought patterns. Funny enough, after years of that stuff I felt no better about myself so I radically modified my behavour by doing cold approaches with the intention of forcing my thought to conform to this new behavour. Now I'm the shit.

the object is to talk to women right? to date them?

leave your comfort zone and just do it

saying anything at all is better than nothing

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