Please see the second post below for recordings and background on each story. It was my first time, and i'm ready to learn, thanks for all of your inputs!

are they particularly long? and good quality?

if short or poor quality maybe just writing it out would be best.

and there are infinite versions of file hosting sites out there.

So i'll give a little context with each one. I use the same lines over and over so that I can get really good with a script then ill mix things up. I know i'm use mystery's lines, but what ever, i think after a while i'll come up with my own. These are in an outdoor mall.

The first two are 1 minute each, the next two are 2 mins each. Atleast they're getting longer. =) From here on out i'll type them out so you don't have to listen to all of it, but I thought maybe someone would comment on my tone or something, and i should get that out of the way now.

Here's a link with all 4 files. Please put the 2 lines together, it wouldn't let me post with a link in my text since im a new member.

sharesend.c
om/ibmb5olw

Okay, the first one was a 6. I just needed to try these pick up theories on anyone. After I tried the neg, it really pissed her off, and I had to get out of there. I think because of this I somewhat take back the negs in the next 3. (for example, I say 'in a good way' so its not so harsh, I plan on not doing that anymore)

Okay, we did #1, now lets do it again. This time it was a 7. I might have spooked her a little at the begining because she was texting on her phone, but she was texting for like 20 seconds straight and i just wanted to go in before i started to regret it. So on this one again, after the neg, I bailed out. I feel like I should have stayed and pushed a little more. Grrr.

This next one was a 2 set of 8's. At the end when you hear them leave, they actually did leave, and each went in opposite ways on their way home. I thought it was going good, but I think if it was good they would have stayed. Its not like they had to immediately leave because the bus came or something. They just each went their own way.

Okay, so for #4 I went and tried a 10, i figured what the hell. When I was telling the story about the little kid, she was on her phone the entire time texting, but I kept going. The part where I say "he goes like this" I flipped her off with both hands. So it was dead that entire time since she was on the phone, and I saw there was no spark at the end of the story so I felt like it was enough and pulled out.

So I hit my goal of 4, and I'm ready to go again. I'm just curious what I'm doing wrong, I don't want to go and make the same mistakes again. I think I'm getting into small talk too much, and I'm not worried about the negs being too hard because I think a 6 or 7 maybe isn't used to it?
I'm open to anything.

A lot of people say negs are stupid

A lot of people say to only neg 10s

A lot of people say to only use negs when a girl pisses you off

If you neg a 6 she'll just think you're being a dick lol.

I'm not bothering to download/listen to the files, but that's my opinion on negs.

_________________
I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Audio #1: you neg to early, shes only showing some interest, you're getting a little giggle but then you completely flip into quite a serious neg with no pretext.
"i know its not the best thing to say but it just popped into my head" is where you lost her.

Audio #2: Slightly better, i don't know if its your accent (i'm english) but the fight sequence seems a bit canned.
and then with the bugs bunny again. you start off with "its not alright for me to say this" (i think) and you insult her but then try to recover by saying "in a good way"

Audio #3: The khaki opener plundered but its fine because it did its job, they're open and you recovered it well. They didn't believe the quip about the fight. they gave you a tangent. "you want khakis, you do jujitsu, what else do you do??" you blatantly ignored it and carried on with the story. You're relying on the material too much.

EDIT: Audio #4: She doesnt laugh at the "i dont like you anymore" then you proceed to insult her. Again the fight scene seems a bit canned (maybe your accent). You manage to get her back a little "oh where was it" but then ruined it with the "saggy baggy hooters". I'm assuming this is roughly where her phone appears. Relentlessly you proceed into the mall SPAM and with the USC story, culminating in flipping her off.


Please take all this as constructive criticism, not a dig.

IMO a neg is something like a compliment sandwich "that jacket looks really nice on you, your broader shoulders really help emphasise the the rest of your figure."
or "you know i've just noticed, you have a really cute smile. it reminds me of bugs bunny and i loved watching that show as a kid."

so much more subtle. she's not quite sure if it was a compliment of not.

Overall i'd say work on the negs, and go with the flow a bit more. #3 seemed the most positive. had you continued down the line of freeflow you might have ended up with an instadate. but thats just speculation.

Well, I downloaded them and listened.

Good for you, for trying to improve yourself with feedback OP. BTW -- you provided solid material to comment on.

My comments:

- Overall you sound more confident than I'd anticipated. Without reading the reactions from the girls' faces, I can't really tell how far you should have pushed each one of them... But you really do not sound all that nervous. Note that I also can't see what your body language was like - that's a big thing too... Chicks feed off your comfort level.

- In a couple of the recordings you almost sound like a stand-up comedian (3 and 4 specifically)... going from routine to routine. I think you need to bounce from topic to topic a little more smoothly - and maybe try to inject some natural game in there (ie: not canned material - your own stuff, your own observations, your own thoughts... Just be funny and happy and entertaining).

- Your material is all stories. You're not asking them anything (except the question about khakis).

- I think the canned lines are something you should get away from, but they're a good base for overcoming AA.

- Negging prob wasn't necessary here... in any of these, from what I can tell

- In recording #1, you should have pushed it further - gone for an instadate... or something (but again, I couldn't see their reactions and body language)

- In recording #2, she didn't want much to do with you. The neg pushed her over the edge I think.

- In recording #3, you had those girls' attention and they seemed half interested. You could have maybe converted that one into something if you'd pushed it - or just had better material.

- In recording #4, she wasn't responding. Wanted nothing to do with you... May have been pre-occupied or just uninterested. All part of the game though... who gives a fuck!

Ok now I've downloaded and listened. You sound a little too... like you're reading. Stick at it though, you're really not doing bad. I liked #3 lol, I know the "off button" line is a little overused, but it went down well.

_________________
I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.