I'm 19 live in UK. I've been going out to clubs for months now and I feel like I'm going around in a vicious circle.

I'll get to the point, here's what I think my "sticking points" are:

Grabbing and hooking attention. Even in social groups I can talk loudly and kino people yet can't get their attention or it's very briefly.

When I cut threads (talk over people or change subject) I feel like I'm being rude. When my friend who's pretty natural does it he seems to be able to hook attention very well and just draw them in.

I want to take responsibility for this so I can change my own behaviours or looks (fashionwise) if that is the case (I think looks aren't a crucial factor but I'd say they still have quite an influence).

I'd never see myself saying this but maybe because of nature or years of social conditioning I'm unable to truly change my mindset, behaviours, identity etc.

I think I've worked a ton on inner game and found limiting beliefs yet I'm still held back.

I'd just like to be able to be alpha. Grab and hold attention easily. I'd like to be able to stick in there when talking to people but I am too focused on surroundings and my own thoughts.

If anyone can help then I'd really appreciate it.

I feel like I'm ignored a lot like when I asked the bouncer how long my friend was barred for he answered a bit "you'll have to speak to *fades out*" I said speak to who, ignored. I dont even feel I can be assertive in those situations because they are authority and can stop you getting in for no reason.

Sometimes I'll say something and it's like their RAS filters it out or they hear it but focus on the other person. I don't like keep repeating myself so I stop. It's like I'm just being annoying.

Having trouble cutting threads.

or I'll ask the guy in burger king to pass me some wipes behind him and he tells me there's some over there (further away) and I go over and theres none there so I tell him and he says check the other side. lol it's really bollocks to me why people act like this but its gotta be something I'm doing wrong. Could it be because I'm saying "excuse me" or not being intimidating (I know this doesn't sound right but serious question) or dominant enough? Do I really need to start stepping up like "Man will you just pass me the wipes they're right behind you".

I tried joking with a girl saying she ruined the picture cos she turned away and she didn't acknowledge it at all but Im sure she heard it.

I kept my state steady last night and wont beat myself up about this shit evne though I take responsibility for it. I'm not using one example here and generalising it happens often.

What are some practical ways I can improve?

BUMPAGONG.

1st: stop thinking that you're being annoying.

2nd: work on your appearance. It's not a crucial factor, but it's a damn important one. People make judgments about your character the minute they see you. Ask a more popular or fashionably conscious person what you can do to improve your appearance. Don't just follow what he/she says to the letter. Be sure to maintain your own sense of style.

3rd: check to see if you have beta posture or body language. You might be signaling lower status without realizing it.

4th: go read some books on social skills. You may be rubbing people the wrong way. Grabbing attention requires a certain level of charisma. Everyone you know probably has interesting things to say, but it's the most charismatic and entertaining person who gets to tell his stories. Inner game doesn't mean jack if you don't know how to deal with people.

5th: some people are just dicks. Don't think it's always something you're doing. Bouncers are generally unfriendly people until you get to know them.

And if I was working at Burger King, I'd be in a pretty pissed off mood, too.

ok man, i can kinda tell from ur posts, maybe ur talkin to myuch. if you have ever seen mystery in action, he seems so inetersting to girls. the question is why.

1. he dresses ssuuuuper peacocky(u probley got this down)

2. He takes pauses in his sentences. he is relaxed, he doesnt act like he wants the girls attention like crazy. he says "hey girls.........(like 5 seconds..... i was wondering...(like three seconds).... why everyone (insert opener)

(this is all assuming ur problem is talking to much too fast, etc.)

that burger king comment made me Lol

I'd go with the 90-10 rule where you're doing 90% of the talking at first and then when she has a certain comfort talking to you you're able to do less.

I know I don't talk enough though, typing on here is different lol plus I had to kind of PLOW here to get a response also

My body language is good, if I had to wrk on something it would probably be my eye contact while speaking, I tend to look away like I'm disinterested. I notice people with bad bodylanguage and I think HOW COULD YOU NOT BE AWARE OF THAT. I seee many with drinks at their chest and as soon as I do it I have to stop myself. Theres worse though like hands in pockets, slouching, yuck.

I think good body language is why I sometimes get girls opening me but that's hit n miss.

I've noticed my friend is insane with talking for ages and it's cool, he knows a ton of people. He's good at getting people to open up and DRAWING them in to his reality, he gets them comfortable speaking.

I really think I need to work on my hobbies passions and interests and just be able to talk about them for a long time without caring what others think. I can list off more than I could a couple of months ago.

With peacocking, it's not my style but I think it's great to get that social pressure and stuff like that. I've worn cool sunglasses and shiny shirts (dont know if you'd define that as peacocking but it STANDS out still) and gotten compliments like that but I'm not wearing a fuzzy hat or goggles lol.

Bluethunder, I wouldn't take peacocking to the level that Mystery does. You've really got to have superior game to pull that off. A lot of people will confront you about it. There's actually a clip where a girl gives Mystery a hard time, because of his outfit. There are many master PUA's who peacock, but few of them do it to the level of Mystery. Small, unique accessories are a good idea, but I think a top hat and goggles is pointless if you've got good game.

Travis: %90-10 is a bit much. I recommend toning it down a bit - %60-40 perhaps? People get turned off really quickly from someone who drones on about themself; that person will come off as being very self-absorbed.

Remember this rule when dealing with people. It's helped me out a lot: "People's favorite topic of conversation is themselves." The more people share with you, the more closer they'll feel to you.

It's important to maintain control of the conversation, though. Make sure that you're the one who is changing subjects most of the time. Let them have their say, but don't become the passive listener. That's a very bad trap to fall in, especially when you're trying to make a good impression on a girl.

Interested answers guys thanks.

I think the 90-10 thing is like putting it in your favour initially then when she invests more she'll invest more because she's more invested