So, I've always been a quiet person, kinda shy, pretty much no confidence. All of my previous relationships (4 serious, several that lasted a couple of weeks) have always been initiated by the girl.

About a year ago I had seriously bad break up, involving a girl and my bestfriend which left me pretty much annihilated. I had even less confidence than before, no self esteem, no ego, nothing. It was months before I even started going out with mates again.

I slowly started to get to where I was before, but decided I needed more control, I needed to be able to talk to girls and initiate relationships.

For several months I've been getting over AA, initially I started on friends of friends. If I was out and a new girl was with my group I would take the opportunity to talk, even if I wasn't interested. As I got more comfortable at making small talk I started saying hi to random girls just passing by.

Now I'm at the point where I can walk up to a girl and just start a conversation, I don't get anxiety, I feel confident, I'll even put in some physical contact, put my arm around them or touch there hand (when appropriate).


I'm not bad looking, I've got good education, I'm in a stable progressive career,,, the only thing holding me back was my confidence and all that was about to change,,, or so I thought.

My conversational skills are basic, I mean really basic, "Hi,,, how are you,,, you from around here". Etc. As the conversation develops I find my self asking simple, almost mundane questions and well I just don't have any flare. Secondly, I just cant make myself stand out, I can talk about myself. "I work in marketing,,, my degrees in business,,, I have a car,,, I go the gym" etc. But again really basic, I feel like a douche if I try and big myself up,,, almost as if I'm overcompensating, I try to be natural but have no idea how to create attraction and as I've spent the last few years focusing pretty much all my time on uni/career I actually don't have that much interesting to talk about.


To summarize, even though I've spent the last however long building up my confidence, the only thing different is now I can approach a girl and say "Hi, how are you, nice place Isn't it. Do you have a job, I have a job!". I ask more questions, but the conversation stays monotonous and dry, and well doesn't lead anywhere.

Now I'm here looking for inspiration. I don't have any interests or hobbies, my weekdays are based around my career. Weekends I go out, but there's not a whole lot to do in my area, so each weekend is kind of the same as the last.

So what do I do now, do I need to approach girls differently, or do I need to change my lifestyle?

Thanks for reading and any help offered.

For now, use the "Damone method" from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Tell the girl "Is this place great or what?"

Act like wherever you are at is THE place to be. Find something noteworthy or interesting about it and discuss that. Your much better off talking about things in the moment, things that are palpable, rather than talking about things in the abstract that she may not have any interest in.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

You should try and let HER talk her way into your bed. Your conversation seems to be about YOU, when it needs to be about HER ("Do you have a job, I have a job!" sounds like your desperate and trying to impress her.) You aren't interviewing her, you're finding pleasure in hearing about how interesting her life is.

Try to ask questions in a way that keep her talking. There's a huge chapter in the book titled "Bang" that talks about conversation threading, and can probably do a better job of explaining it than I can here.

But try something like:
You: "What do you do?" (This is also better than "do you have a job" because its not a yes/no question)
Her: "I'm a music teacher."
You: "Ohh cool! How did you get into that? Did you always want to be a teacher? How have the recent budget cuts affected your position? What instruments do you play?"

You can really ask anything, but the trick is to get her talking. I'd probably ask her to teach me something interesting about music that most people don't know. I do this because it exposes me to new subjects and new ideas from people in the field, and it gives me more material for when I meet new people. "Oh you're a music teacher? That's cool, I recently learned that [xxxxxx]. I find that fascinating!" To which they will respond, "Yeah and its cool because ...." or "That is actually a misconception because ..." People always like to one-up each other on knowledge. Make sure you know enough about the thing you learned, because if she says "No, I've never heard of that," then you get an opportunity to teach her something new and interesting about her own field.

It's also important that you MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT and LOOK INTERESTED when she is talking this whole time. Just sit back, look in her eyes with a semi-smile, and nod your head every once in a while. You really don't have to do anything more than that.

Also, try starting conversations with anyone: guys, girls, old people, waitresses, people working in the mall, etc... Eventually you'll be able to have conversations about any random person you meet.

what these guys above are telling you are great tips.

for me talking to girls, I just say the most interesting things ever, things nobody would even say, or very very direct gaming with extreme confidence. Dont follow any rules, talk about the most absurd things ever.

I bend over and tell girls to spank my butt cuz iv been a bad boy
I somtimes open girls just by laughing really loud
I wore a rubber duck in my pocket and tell girls to touch my duck.

it got them laughing, it got them interested, it got them talking. Do something MEMORABLE, ORIGINAL

dont think pickup is just convos, its about having fun with the complete strangers around you!

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my stories and tips and all the random shits
http://poypickup.tumblr.com/

You shouldn't be asking girls questions that are unrelated to each other. It's a sort of "interview" girls find pretty annoying and mundane, and you won't stand out from all the other generic guys if you continue asking unrelated questions, like:

You: "Are you from California?"
Her: "[Answers]."
You: "Yeah? So what kind of music do you listen to?"
Her: "[Answers]."
You: "Really? So you have any pets?"
Her: "[Answers]."

Instead, turn your questions into statements. When doing this, you sound 100% sure you know what you're saying:

You: "You know, when I first saw you, my first impression was that you were from Cali!"
Her: "What? No! I'm from Jersey! [Laughs]"
You: "Yeah? And I bet you Jersey people listen to Justin Beiber."
Her: "Oh my God! I love Justin Beiber!"
You: "No, you don't. You're one of those people who owns too many cats."
Her: "No, I'm actually a dog person!"

You're connecting with your target more in this fashion on a deeper level. Plus, it should be the girl asking you questions rather than the other way around! That way, you could DHV by flipping her attraction switches (protector of loved ones, generosity, etc.).

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"I've learned it's important not to limit yourself. You can do whatever you really love to do, no matter what it is." - Ryan Gosling

I registered to this forum just to reply to your comment. Because as I was reading your post it was almost a mirror image of myself. Before I go any further I would like to thank you guys and the staff who take out time from their busy lives to help people like us. I really appreciate what you guys are doing... It is priceless. It's almost as if you guys have given me a new life and I am saying that from my heart.

Little about myself: I am half Persian and half Indian, student at ASU, about to start my masters.

Pretty much in high school & majority of college years I was a very shy person, never asked a girl out till senior year for prom and that's about it. Focused on my career (Engineering degree), regretting my past and planning my future. Would look at girls but scared as hell to even approach them. My insecurity were that I am not white and English is not my primary language (4th language). Through out the college majority of my friends were girls but they were all friend zoned and once in a while I would get lucky and be more than just friends so lets say relationship with about 10 girls in total. And the longest relationship (no serious relationship) I ever had lasted 4 months. I hate bragging about myself but I consider myself very smart, nice (use to be very nice not anymore), disciple on learning new things, very strong ethical and goals in life, and very charming (after talking to alot of girls and thats how they described me, on that later).

Couple of months ago there was this girl who told me that she likes me. She was cute (little bit above average), funny, really smart (best thing about her). We started dating, but alot of sudden she stopped texting or going out and would say she is very busy with school because of work load and working many hours. I became very needy and very nice too her. That whole time I was so depressed rethinking the entire scenarios to pinpoint where I went wrong. But one day I saw her making out with another guy. For a month I stopped talking to people, lost 20 lbs, you get the point.

Then I was introduced to old rock from one of my friends. Not that I never listened to old rock, I just ignored it. But when I started to listen to it I just fell in love with it and today my fav bands are Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Rolling Stones etc. Because it made me feel like I was living in a moment. I had no school so I started to read more about living in a moment, what is happiness, what is confidence. I started to write down all the questions I had and went back to the basics about life. Then came my "fuck it" moment where all of a sudden I stopped regretting the past and stopped thinking about my future and started to live in a moment.

One day I was browsing on facebook and stumbled upon "daygame". For me that was the biggest moment I ever had in my life. Since then (about two months ago) I have started to read psychology books, everything about masculine & feminine gender role, how attraction works, body language of females and males during attraction, tonality, gestures, eye contact, daygame, learned about PUA, articles, hundred of videos on daygame such as sasha daygame, detail, dj fuji, simplepickups on youtube. My mind was like a sponge trying to absorb all the information (remember I am addicted to knowledge & applying it). I gained more knowledge about human psychology in those two months than my entire life COMBINED. I started to recall all my memories from the past and for the first time in my life everything made sense and I mean EVERYTHING, it was the best feeling ever. As I was learning those things I started to implement (still am) those things into my life about a month ago (dec 2012). I started to test that knowledge I gained because I love to question things. I tested them at work (no school till January so that was my only way to socialize). Instead of just saying hello to customer I started to say more than that and have conversation. It didnt matter girls, guys, married couples, seniors, everyone. After few days I started to work on my belief system, which automatically started to effect my emotions and body language, including eye contact in very positive way. If I see a hot girl I compliment her, maintain my eye contact, and observe her body language. Oh boy I was excited because I started to see the response which confirmed with my knowledge. For the first time I was able to control the environment around me. Around Christmas I shopped to buy new cloths and improve on my self imaging. By the end of 2012 I was carrying out conversations (no game just normal everyday conversations) with some of the hottest girls I saw.

Right before 2012 ended I wrote on my living room walls in big letter goals for my 2013: take my confidence to whole new level, develop my own daygame, not give a fuck about what people think or say, and most important quote my professor told me couple of years ago "Failure is a part of life, But it is your greatest teacher". Every time I walk out the door I read them every single day. Few days ago I went to my orientation for my next degree. In the morning while waiting for the train saw a girl, saw her hair, I liked it. I went upto her and said exactly what I felt, got her number after having a conversation. My first ever phone number. Then I got to the orientation room and it was filled with people (approx 100). I didn't know anyone, so I made my goal "you are going to talk to every single person in this room", no excuses what so ever and that is exactly what I did. I literally started to talk to every person. Walked with hot ass Latino to the office because she was new and she needed help getting her ASU ID. I was living in a moment and by doing that my fear disappeared (atleast for that day), and I was having fun. But then I noticed something, other people started to approach me and wanted to talk to me. That puzzled me for a second (how was that possible). On that day I started to talk to every girl didn't matter if she was hot or not. Got around 10 phone numbers but as a friendship (i purposely did that because I want to hangout with them, get into their head and see how female mind works, their emotional part of the brain).

Today I stand here as a totally new person looking across the unknown ocean (stole that from Isaac Newton) but a person who doesn't give a fuck about what people think, with new confidence, and a plan on how I will one day be able to say that I am a lady's man. I am not afraid of failures or rejections anymore, I hope I go out there and fail so I can get back up again and again. I will get to my destination or die trying.

If you go to ASU and live in tempe (Arizona) area and want to join me, you are most welcome to pm me. But I will expect 100% with 0 excuses from you, because that's what I am striving for.

I am expecting that you guys will help me and I will return the favor. Good luck players.

Samwabam: Here's a thread that might help you out:

chief-s-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html

Look at stage 3 to develop conversation with her.

It all comes down to where you meet her and what she is doing at the moment. If she is out to have fun, just give her some fun. Your questions are fine more or less once you are in a date 1 on 1... or once she is more interested in you...

You can ask any boring question just turn the answer into something funny and flirty at the moment.

For example:
You: what do you do?
she: I'm a lawyer..
You: A lawyer? you must be kidding me, it is exactly what the doctor prescribed me.

You: where are you from?
She: From NY
You: really? I've heard some rumors about girls from NY are they true?

You: do you like this place?
she: yeah is cool...
you: only cool? I find this place so great that if I ever find the right girl and want to get married, I would like to have my wedding here.... In fact would you marry me? I know a very cool place where to have our wedding...

Later once you are in a quiet place and 1 on 1 it would be good to ask these questions again and reply them in a more serious way. Just don't do that at the beginning.

Very true, girls love spontaneous guys. Its good to live in the moment. when i don't i dwell on what could and did happen in the past. Its a great technique for facing your fears.

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This New Site Really Helped Me With Women

I like what I read here; you know yourself and social situations to know asking questions, especially those about work, are not getting you where you need to go. You know not to, "big [yourself] up," because you are overcompensating. You have a lot going for you but what are you missing? I think you are missing having a fun time. This may seem trivial but even you have noticed you are, "dry and monotonous."

I have no doubt you know how to have a fun conversation. More than likely you have many with your friends. However because of the ANXIETY of meeting a girl in which you have some interest, I am thinking your mind blanks and you default to what you are most comfortable--work. Why does talking about work not work? Because for some their job just sucks, for others they do not want to be reminded from what they taking a break, for others it just creates envy in what you have and what they want.

How then do you overcome this? The way I overcome it is to make fun small talk with strangers. A perfect example is the store clerk. Both men and women. Try making fun, inoffensive small talk. Joke around a bit with strangers until you get good at it.

You still suffer from Anxiety just not Approach Anxiety. There is nothing wrong with this. You have overcome a big hurdle--Approach Anxiety. Now it is time to overcome a smaller hurdle.