Hey guys,

I'm looking for a bit of advice, if you wouldn't mind...

I met this girl on Friday, she's absolutely stunning, intelligent, got a great job and seems really sensible, the kind of girl you could easily settle down with.
I was out having a drink with some friends and when I walked outside at the end of the night, she was standing there herself waiting on a couple of her friends. I walked over as soon as I seen her, and when we started chatting there was a real connection straight away, not like any the other girls I speak to when I'm out, it was strange and I could tell she felt it as well. She said she had noticed me earlier and after we chatting for 5 mins or so, I said to her "can I kiss you?", which isn't what I'd normally do, actually, I don't think I've ever asked. Anyway, we shared a couple of kisses, then here friends were telling her to hurry up. I asked if I could walk her home and she said yes. After standing talking for another 10 mins or so, she asked if she could come back to mine but for nothing to happen (meaning sleeping together), and I said yeah...
Once we got back to mine, we had a couple of drinks and kissed a few times. She asked if she could stay (not in that way), quite literally just to stay. We were both quite drunk, so I said that it would probably be better if she didn't because I didn't want her feeling awkward in the morning, which is an absolute first for me, normally I'd just be looking to take them to the bedroom, but she's a lot different from the girls I normally take home, not promiscuous in any way. Truth be told, I had only planned on going out for a couple of drinks that night, not to take anyone home, so my bedroom was bit of a mess and my bedding probably could have done with being changed lol. So rather than make a bad first impression in the morning, I called her taxi when she was ready to go.
Just before she left, I gave her my number, kissed a little more and told her to text me, but now it's Monday and I've not heard from her, which has left me wondering if there's something wrong, normally when I give a girl my number I would get a text the following day, or a t least the day after that.
Coincidently I worked in Tenerife with her brother for the summer of 2008, so I found her on Facebook on his profile, I haven't added her or sent her any message yet because I want some advice from you guys first on whether I should message her or wait a bit longer, also what to say?
I'm a bit lost on this one, normally I wouldn't care if something like this happened but she really is incredible. I know she liked me, so it doesn't make any sense... any idea what's going on? Should I message her on Facebook? Any idea on what I should say?

I'm 25 and she's only 19. The age gap didn't seem like a problem in the slightest though, she doesn't think I look 25, and she doesn't act immature, quite the opposite.

Anyway, I know this is a bit long, so thinks for reading. Any advice anyone can give me would be really appreciated!

Thanks,

Jason

My Perspective

Pros:
She kissed you even after being sober in the morning

Cons:
It's "nice" and it can be good to be direct, but generally you don't ask a girl if you can kiss her.
Just get her number next time--ALWAYS--so you can avoid this.

Conclusion: There are some deeper things in the way you wrote this that slightly worry me. This girl might be really cool but you've basically spent a night with her. Things like "settle down with" and "she's really incredible" worry me, not bc they are bad things but I don't think you know this girl well enough to know that. Challenge her a little more to and really get to know her before you start thinking down that path.

Overall, I'd be patient with this one. I'd give it at least 5-7 days, then friend her on facebook and say what's up. Don't even mention she didn't text you it's w/e.
As a disclaimer though I will say I'm more passive than I should be, but then again continue to have multiple options with other people for now and whether or not she gets back or even rejects you won't matter.

Regardless what happens, congrats on a good night. See the glass half full and spot areas where you can improve.

_________________
No F-Close needed

I had a similar experience where a friend of a girl in my class was into me and wanted to hook up, we both had some drinks, but not drunk. I took a taxi and dropped her off because I was very new and unsure with girls. I texted her and we went out for a date a week later to a museum. Girls have never texted me when I gave them my number and said "text me" and have never emailed me when I gave them my email and said "email me." You rejected the girl once already by not sleeping with her. I don't think she will text you, just text her and see what happens. But beware, this is a guy with no experience speaking..

Nope, she wasn't sober in the morning mate, she didn't stay, she left at about 4am, we got to my place about 2am.

Yeah I think you're right, normally I wouldn't ask a girl to kiss me, I don't think I ever have, but there crazy sexual tension and I knew she was decent and that she would say yes. If I had just taken her number then I probably wouldn't have taken her back to mine. With that said, I still think you're right, I've always just taken the number then set something up another day.

Ha, I totally get what you're saying and reading it back I'm probably getting a bit attached when I shouldn't. In regards to settling down though, I feel like I'm at that age, or at point in my life where I've had enough one night stands that I want to settle down, I've just never found someone who fits the bill since my ex, I'm really picky about that sort of thing. You're right in saying that I don't know her that well but I reckon I'm a good judge of character, she genuinely seems really decent. With that said, I know nobody is perfect.

Your advice has been helpful, I'll take little step back and try not to invest to much in her in case I end up conveying it as being needy, after all, she is just another girl I guess...

Any more advice you or anyone else could give me would be really appreciated!

Thanks a lot man!
Thanks a lot mate. If I'm honest, I've never really had any problems with a girl texting me after I've given her my number, but saying that, I've almost always taken the girls number. I've not idea why I didn't do it this time though, kind of wish I did now, I wouldn't be having any doubts now if I did and I would have waited this long anyway.
But what you're saying about me rejecting her once by basically sending her home when she wanted to stay, I've actually wondered if that has played a part in her not getting in touch, maybe I sent her the wrong message by doing so.
Regardless of whether you have experience or not, I think you could be right!

Anyone else care to chime in on this?

Thanks buddy

I meant to say... when I do message her, I was thinking of saying something like:

"Oi! What happened to my text?

Sorry I didn't let you stay over on Friday, we were both pretty drunk and
I didn't want you feeling awkward in the morning!
Thinking we need to get together sometime soon, what's your plans for the weekend?"

Doesn't that come across a bit needy or a bit too keen?

Also what does w/e mean?

Don't mention that you were expecting a text. Just start a conversation and mention you'd like to hang out with her. If she likes you she will make it easy. It usually goes something like this for me

Purplesmash: Hey whats up
Girl: nothin much u?
P: Just chillin/at work/in class. Wat r u sayin later?
G: nooothin/I have work/studying
P: Cool, come hang out with me tonight/after work/after class

She will either ignore you at this point, start asking about logistics, such as what you two are going to do and how you're getting there, or make some bullshit up about why she can't see you that night.

I prefer to ask a girl out on the same night that I contact them. That way I'm not planning a date a week in advance where things could happen in her life that makes her flake. Asking her out the same day lets you know if she really wants to hang out, in which case she will make herself available, she's genuinely busy and will suggest another day, or she lets you know she isn't interested through ignoring/excuses of why you cant meet.

W/e is short for "whatever."

Thanks man, I'm not going to mention anything about the text, a few people have said not to. Thinking about it now, it would probably make me look as if I've been waiting on her texting or that I'm messaging her because she hasn't text, rather than just simply messaging her.

If I'm honest, I would rather say something a bit more in the first message than just writing "Hey, what's up?". Any idea of an opener? Is there anything wrong with saying "Sorry I didn't let you stay over on Friday, we were both really drunk and I didn't want you feeling awkward in the morning", or "Sorry I didn't let you stay over on Friday, to be honest my bedroom was a bit of a mess and I didn't want to make a bad first impression ha!". The letter probably sounds like I care a bit too much... any advice here would be appreciated!!

I'd definitely be up for setting something up for the same day as the message, but I have a problem with that for two reasons.... First, I don't know if she is even on Facebook every day (didn't take her number), and second, I had planned on messaging her on Wed because it will have been 5 days since we met. Problem there is that I have plans for Wed and Thurs, so wouldn't be able to do anything with her until Friday or Sat. If I messaged her on Fri then there's a decent chance that she might already have plans, which is kinda why I thought I'd message on Wed to set something up for Fri, at least that way I minimize the chance of her already having plans for that day, at the same time coming across as being too busy to see her sooner than then. I'm totally open to advice from anyone on this though, actually it's why I'm here!

Thanks!!

Another question I forgot to add... is it okay to ask if she has plans for the weekend, or to set something up in the first message? I'm thinking that either way, if she's interested, it wont matter... I could be wrong though. Anyone care to chime in?

My fault... I'm pretty young so I didn't think about that you may be in the point of your life where you are looking to settle down.

Haha, I love british ppl (I'm American), so let me try this... hold on with that text "mate"

1. DONT MENTION SHE DIDNT TEXT U (at least not now... make fun of her later when you're hooking up again)
2. You aren't "sorry," you did what you wanted now standby this.
3. There must be something from the night you can joke about... anything she said. This is what I'd try to open with.

And if you don't listen to anything else I've said listen to this
4. "Thinking we need to get together sometime soon, what's your plans for the weekend?" should become, "I'm doing something baller (it's an American term think of it as the equivalent of Rooney scoring 3 goals) this weekend with my "mates" you should come dancing with your girls.

So something like:
"I'm going to dance/bar/watch the ManU game/movies/dinner/shopping )w/e floats your boat) w/ bros, come out on the adventure, bring a friend-it'll be fun."

_________________
No F-Close needed

I know you say you aren't into one night stands, but I can't help but feel that not taking things further that night was a mistake.

She was kissing you. She stayed over at your place. Seriously—nothing happened? That almost displays a lack of interest on your part, or lack of manly aggression.

You had an opportunity to make a deeper physical connection, to make a bigger impression on her, but you didn't.

Since you said this girl seems special, or could be special, that warrants taking it further. You don't have to f-close every random girl you pick up, but with one like this you want to experience as much together as possible.

She's probably confused, or disappointed nothing bigger happened. Maybe you didn't even have to f-close her exactly, but you could have driven her crazy with your hands and mouth all over her. Making her want it. Teasing her. Then she'd be following you around like a puppy right now.

I agree with electric. Regardless of you wanting to f-close or not. I feel in a private setting that you can elevate the sexual energy.

Kiss her hard a bit then stop and resume later repeatedly. This will drive a girl nuts and she will be shocked that you're the man in control.

To make matters even more spiced up, when kissing her on the neck, "ask her, should i stop?". regardless of her response, you continue to kiss and go back to her lips. Just remember that you are the one calling the shots and STOPPING.

She will be all over you the next day(s) and the fuck is just waiting to happen.

Lol I love how you perceive people from the UK... I'm actually from Scotland, hate Man U and despise Rooney . On a side note, since you're American... I'm a Rangers fan, we've got three of your guys in our squad, Edu, Boncanegra and Bedoya. Maurice and Carlos have been brilliant for us!!

Anyway... I totally agree with what you're saying about keeping things fun with with being playful or maybe a neg or two.... Although, I've actually been thinking about this so much in the last day or so that I got to the point where I thought "fuck it, just write whatever, if it fails it fails... no big deal"

So I went ahead and wrote:

"Hey, how are you?

Sorry I didn't let you stay over on Friday, we were both pretty drunk and I didn't want you feeling awkward in the morning!

Thinking we should get together soon, what's your plans for the weekend? xx"

The reply wasn't bad, I got:

"Hey! I'm good thanks, how are you? And it's fine, I agree with you, it was for the best lol.

I'm actually away all week in Liverpool but I'm back next Wednesday, so any time after that if you fancy it? Xx"

Quite positive I would say... To be honest, it's what I would have written with any other girl, so I thought "fuck it, whatever", I'm really tired today and couldn't really be bothered so that probably played a part in what I wrote...

Erm, I don't think I did mate... who doesn't like one night stands lol. It's just that I've had so many since my ex that I feel like I wanna be in a relationship now, and this is the type of girl that is relationship material.
Also, I didn't say she stayed over at my place, I said the exact opposite . No lack of manly aggression, there wasn't any need for it... to be honest, I think the amount of physical contact we had was plenty for the situation, if I had tried any more with her it would have been a bit over the top. I don't mean to be rude, I really appreciate your input, but did you read my first post?

To be honest, if I was able to take her home and fuck her the first night, I definitely wouldn't be interested in a relationship with her

What do you guys make of the reply I got from her?
She replied a couple of mins after I sent it so it seems okay so far, I'm letting it sit for a bit since it's on FB. The only thing the I'm thinking about now is "once I take her number in the message, when should I text?". She say's she'll be back next Wednesday so I wanna set something up for Friday (Fri or Sat would suit me best). What would you guys do or say from here?

Thanks a lot!!

follow the 8hr response rule, don't respond right away!

Since you mentioned that you'll be free on Fri or Sat, say.. something like :

"I'm going out Fri/Sat, how lucky of you...." or the bank robber thing, " I need a female accomplice on Fri/Sat, you think you can handle that..?"

Look around and best leave the text short and don't put any explanations on your part.

Fill us in on your thoughts too.

I love it. I feel like saying that you were less attached to her and the outcome which paradoxically helps. More aggressive than myself, but that's something I have to improve, and I'm glad you were rewarded for it.

Going forward, I always like places where you can "mini date" change the scenery so psychologically it feels like 3 dates in one.

Also I'm sorry for brining up ManU. I forgot about Scotland and Wales.
Us Americans, we love Braveheart the movie, so I hope that makes up for it lol.

_________________
No F-Close needed

[quote]we shared a couple of kisses, then here friends were telling her to hurry up. I asked if I could walk her home and she said yes. After standing talking for another 10 mins or so, she asked if she could come back to mine but for nothing to happen (meaning sleeping together), and I said yeah...
Once we got back to mine, we had a couple of drinks and kissed a few times. She asked if she could stay (not in that way), quite literally just to stay. We were both quite drunk, so I said that it would probably be better if she didn't because I didn't want her feeling awkward in the morning[/quote]


Did I misread your post? I interpreted the above as she came over to your place. No? I know she only stayed a little bit, but you could have got really passionate, then stopped it yourself once she was really worked up.

Anyway, well done on the followup messages with her. Just my opinion, but I'd only take her out Friday/Saturday if it's to invite her to come along with plans you've already made with friends. Otherwise, I'd tell her you're busy Fri/Sat and get together late Sunday or Monday night. I think starting later means easier escalation and shorter dates. She'll leave wanting more.

Sounds like you're in a good position though! Good luck.

Fervor