| Do you have these thoughts when you see a beautiful woman you want to approach?
I’m afraid she will reject me.
I don’t want to look foolish.
I’m not good enough.
I don’t know what to say.
I had those same thoughts for YEARS! Thinking that way held me back from going after the women that I wanted in my life.
The straw that broke the camel’s back is when I was 17 or 18 years old and I went to a popular teenage club in Los Angeles with my buddies.
We were standing at the bar area (obviously they weren’t serving drinks) and there were 3 attractive girls standing a feet or two away from us.
I wanted to approach them so bad but no matter what I did nothing worked. No matter how much I tried to hype myself up or my friends tried to pressure me into approaching, nothing worked. For the moment my friends and I stood at the bar area all I could do was stare at those girls. We eventually left that area and walked around the club and of course I couldn’t approach any other girls either.
As the club was closing my friends and I were walking toward the valet and we ran into the same girls who were at the bar that I couldn’t approach.They saw us and the girl that I liked out of the three of them made eye contact with me. She turned to me and said, “I saw you staring at me by the bar. You know it is the brave guys that get all of the girls. You should have just talked to me.”
BOOM! It was as if she threw a pitcher of cold water in my face. I was embarrassed, ashamed and felt like less of a man. From that point on I made a promise to myself that I would get the women and dating part of my life handled.
After years of figuring out what works and doesn’t work to feel fearless when approaching women I finally figured out a process that works consistently. If you go out and apply these steps you too will become fearless about approaching women. You want to do each step for an entire week so that you build the approach habit piece by piece rather than trying to get it all at once, which is overwhelming.
Step 1: Walk Towards Her – Week 1
Every woman that you are attracted to I want you to walk towards her. That is all that I want you to do, nothing else. You can do this for meeting women at night or during the day. The reason for this exercise is to condition your body to go towards women you want to talk rather than away.
A lot of guys go the opposite way of a woman that they find attractive out of fear. You getting your body use to doing the opposite which in turn is going to help you get rid of your fear of approaching women.
Step 2: Stand Beside Her – Week 2
After you build the habit of walking toward the women you find attractive I want you to stand beside them. This is more suitable for nighttime environments but can be used during the day if she is at a crosswalk or inside a store.
With this exercise you are getting use to being close to women that you find attractive. When you get this step down you are half way to becoming fearless when approaching women because all you have to do is turn your head toward her and open your mouth which leads us into the next step.
Step 3: Ask An Indirect Question – Week 3
Asking an indirect question is a great way to get use to talking to women without the pressure of keeping the conversation going or trying to seduce her. A lot of guys feel that women they are attracted to won’t even talk or acknowledge them which is simply not true, most will.
If you are one of those guys this exercise will help you get that fallacy out of your head.
For women you want to approach during the day the indirect question you are going to ask is, “Do you know where the closest Starbucks is?”
Every place in America and around the world has a Starbucks. She is either going to point you in the right direction or she won’t know. Whatever her answer thank her and walk away. Don’t try to keep the conversation going that is not what you are trying to do as of right now.
For women you want to approach in bars and clubs the indirect question you are going to ask is, “What is a good drink you would recommend?” Again, whatever her answer thank her and walk away.
Step 4: Give Her A Low Pressure Compliment – Week 4
When a lot of guys are finally able to approach a woman they compliment her in a way that puts too much pressure on the situation. Also it puts the woman on a pedestal which no matter what women say they simply aren’t attracted to men who put them on a pedestal.
What most men say when they approach women they’re attracted to is, “You are the most beautiful woman I have seen, you are gorgeous and you are stunning.” You don’t want to say those things to a woman you just met. Instead you want to be a little bit more low key which takes the pressure off of you and her.
Here is the low pressure compliment you are going to say, “Excuse me, I know this is totally random but I saw you and I thought you looked really nice so I wanted to say hello. I’m X (Your Name)”
You would say that to women you want to meet during the day.
For women you want to meet at bars and clubs you would say,“Hello. You seemed like fun so I wanted to say hi. I’m X (Your Name)” After you give those low pressure compliments you can simply walk away and go talk to other women you find attractive.
Bonus Step 1: Eye Contact
Eye contact is very important when talking to women. It builds sexual tension between you and the woman that you want to seduce and it shows your confidence. Guys who have no or low confidence with women avoid giving them eye contact. Strong eye contact is a sub communication that you are confident.
There is a right way and the wrong way to do eye contact. When giving eye contact you don’t want to keep it for the entire interaction with the woman you are talking to. You want to give her direct eye contact for 20 to 30 seconds, break contact for 5 to 10 seconds then give her direct eye contact for another 20 to 30 seconds. You want to do this throughout the entire interaction. If you give her eye contact for long periods of time it can come off as creepy and make her uncomfortable.
Bonus Step 2: Get Rejected A Lot. Intelligently!
Getting rejected a lot is what is going to make you fearless when it comes to approaching women. Rejection is a good thing and here is why. It patches up holes in your boundary in the sense that you will no longer be afraid of hearing no from women.
You will get use to it and it won’t affect you anymore. Another reason is you gain reference experiences and you will learn what works and doesn’t work with women thus making you progress faster.
This may sound crazy but you will want to get rejected because you will learn that the more rejection you get the more likely you will have the women in your life that you truly want.
When I say get rejected intelligently I mean having a strategy like the 4 steps I just showed you in order to fail forward which means learn from your failure. When most guy go out and try approaching women they go out with no plan and make the same mistakes over and over again never having any success. They then say, “This stuff doesn’t work, what a scam!”
The reason they are failing is because they don’t have a plan. Anything you want to be successful with in life you must have a plan or system that will help guide you down the right path. Without a plan you are a ship without a rudder, you are bound to be lost and never reach your destination.
Bonus Step 3: Approach 50 Women A Week. Minimum!
If you want to become fearless when approaching women as fast as possible then approaching 50 women a week minimum isn’t an option. You must consistently do this in order to achieve your goal. I still do this even though I don’t have to. I do this to keep my edge but you definitely need to do this if you are a beginner or an intermediate who wants to take your results to the next level.
In the beginning you are going to experience a lot of rejection so in order to offset that you need to approach a high volume of women. If you don’t do this your progress will be very slow and you will more than likely quit.
In order to do this I suggest going out 3 times a week. You could do Friday night (20 approaches), Saturday day (10-15 approaches) and Saturday night (20 approaches).
Use a digital timer app to keep track of your approaches and put them on an excel spreadsheet to track your consistency. Doing this will cut your learning curve by 6 months to a year and will get you laid faster. Now you won’t have to keep this up the entire time you are getting this part of your life handled.
Eventually from approaching so many women you will start to become very skilled and you won’t have to approach as many women. However I would strongly suggest you consistently approach 50 women a week for a year before stopping.
Go out there and take action, fail, fail some more and take more action. You do that and I guarantee you will become fearless when approaching women. I have a conversation and text guide for free. Send me a PM and I will give it to you. Wishing you much success with women and dating.
-Jacob
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