| OK, so most people asking on this board how to overcome approach anxiety/build confidence
will be given the usual prescription of 'just go and open, who cares if she rejects you' - now
if you have somebody there pushing you into this, like a wing-man, sure it can help, but if
on the other hand you are a lone soldier it does little to get you out there and approaching,
so here's the system i have devised (designed around daygame) :
Phase 1 (Educate)
No, i don't mean spend weeks or even days in your bedroom watching videos
and reading ebooks, but there are some very useful threads and videos out there
that offer great approaching tips, it's especially important to focus on having a
confident body language (head held up, chest out, hands not in pockets).
Phase 2 (Familiarize)
The next step, is to just get out there onto the streets and into the parks, or wherever
it may be that you feel comfortable sarging, but go out with your 'PUA goggles' on - i'm
not even saying you need to open sets but go out there with your new found body
language and start to see things differently.. the girl having her lunch in the park is now
a 1-set, that hot girl at the bus stop is an opportunity to open. Of course if you feel
confident enough then go ahead and open but for most this stage should just be about
re-adjusting your view. Look at how girls interact, look at their mannerisms. You will be
suprised how many looks you get when your body language is right and you actually
pay attention to the girls around you.
Phase 3 (The Stare out)
This stage helped me greatly with my confidence and prepared me for when in a set.
The aim of this stage is to hold eye contact with girls, if a hot girl is walking towards you
lock eyes with her and DO NOT back down, once she breaks the contact then don't continue
to stare (as that is a little weird) - as odd as it feels remember she is behaving no stranger
than you are, that's the beauty of eye contact! When you do this enough times it takes the
intimidation away from approaching girls a little and puts you in the drivers seat. Also if she
holds your eye contact, more often than not, this is an IOI.
Phase 4 (Free Sets)
If by now you still don't feel confident enough to open a set then try some 'free sets'.
The thing about this model is that after 3 phases some may feel confident enough to open
and that's great but for those who need to dip their toes in the water before throwing
themselves in we can continue.. 'free sets' work by putting yourself in situations where
the set is opened for you, the point of this is not even to seal a number or whatever but
just to practice your body language, eye contact and conversational material (as for a lot
of people, the fear of opening links to not been able to carry a strong conversation, so by
doing this you can eliminate that fear) Examples of free-sets include charity girls (i don't
know what its like elsewhere but in New Zealand, the unicef girls will start talking to you
casually, and when you make it clear you can't donate, you can just run free conversation,
and also they're usally pretty hot!) other free-sets can be the 'god squad' who stop you in
the street to talk about jesus (sure you're unlikely to game them but for building up strong
body language and a strong voice it's great) Another type of free-set may be in a shop
environment where the retail assistant asks 'how you're doing?' - another great opportunity
to practice. The whole idea of this phase is to get you more sociable and comfortable
in social situations.
Phase 5 (Risk Free opening)
This phase requires a bit more of a go and get it attitude to the rest but it's still not
throwing you in there. This stage requires you to stop a woman in the street and just ask
her a question such as 'do you know where so and so is?' or 'do you have the time?' Once
you are comfortable doing this you can run and extended version of these interactions;
asking the time is a bit of a one-way street but asking for directions can be transitioned
relatively easily, my way would be be to ask for directions to somewhere that you cannot
pronounce properly so it may run like this:
Z4: Hey, are you from around here?
HB: Yeah, well kind of.
Z4: Ah ok, i'm looking for a certain road, it begins with a 'K' but i'm not from around here
so i'm not even gonna try and pronouce it!
HB: (Laughs)
Z4: Yeah so it's spelt K...A.. etc.
HB: (Tells you name of road and directions)
At this stage the woman may ask where you're from, but alternatively ask her where she is from,
or notice something spontaneous about her: (you look too relaxed to be around this neck of the
woods) or (is that a french accent i detect?) - just your usual stuff really!
The best bit about doing this is that if asking for the directions doesn't go as well as planned
(e.g she doesn't laugh that you can't pronounce the road) you can leave the set after receiving
the directions with your head held high, you've not been rejected and you're closer to breaking
down that AA.
Phase 6 (Low Risk opening/Opening)
By now you should be feeling much more comfortable at the prospect of opening a set, if you
feel confident enough to open normally then go and do it! but if not there is one more phase,
essentially you re-run phase 5 but a little slower..
Z4: Hey, are you from around here?
HB: Yeah, well kind of.
At this point in the interaction you should be able to judge how approachable and friendly the
woman is, if she seems overly defensive and you don't feel confident with the interaction then
fall back to stage 5, if she seems very open and approachable DON'T ask for directions.. just
run a usual routine...e.g.
Z4: Hey, are you from around here?
HB: Yeah, well kind of.
Z4: yeah I can tell, you've got that look about you, i actually just wanted to talk to you
as you look kinda' interesting...
And BAM! you've began opening!
Remember.. You need to Walk before you Run!
Hope this helps
Z4
|
CHAT