I'm trying out a new profile on a personal site. i think the old one was too goofy to attract the best HB's. If you want to check the old one go getting-a-good-amount-of-responses-from ... 73401.html

With the new one I wanted to stand out as the selector, a person with no needyness and a high self-esteem. A bit of cocky and funny mixed in.

"hello to all you dummies reading this. Here's what's gonna happen: if you're positive and smart person with a good sense of humor, you have your life together and you're pretty, you will answer this ad.

I'm not particularly looking for anything. My life is fun and exciting at the moment. If something special comes along, i'll be open to it.

I stand on my own feet, my main characteristics are a great sense of humor, wittyness and carelessness. I know how to have a good time and i'm always looking to learn something new.

On a first date i'd do something like this:
I would ask you to wear something pretty, the restaurant is chosen of course. At the doorstep of the restaurant i suddenly decide that a smoking hot tango dance is more fun. But you keep stepping on my best shoes! As the night progresses you notice that you can't resist my charming personality and we end up in your place... to order me a pair of new shoes! My toes hurt as well

This is the end of this text.

Just kidding! the end is here."


What do you think?

J, I've posted my comments within your profile in parenthesis (), below:

With the new one I wanted to stand out as the selector, a person with no needyness and a high self-esteem. A bit of cocky and funny mixed in.

"hello to all you dummies (I think this is too harsh as a first liner...this will just repel women, as they will think you're looking down on them and you may come off as too good) reading this. Here's what's gonna happen: if you're positive and smart person with a good sense of humor, you have your life together and you're pretty, you will answer this ad. (I like the fact that you're directing them to answer the ad, but you need to convince them that they should. Instead of making them qualify so early on, maybe talk about how you're this fun, exciting, charming guy. Give them something they want, give them more of YOU)

I'm not particularly looking for anything. (Then why are you here? You're looking for something! Name it: maybe you're looking for an in-home chef that has a great sense of humor and likes to make pancakes. Maybe you're looking for someone to help you brush up your cuddling skills. Maybe you're looking for a girl that can show you around the museum's new exhibit, because you've heard it's really good, etc.) My life is fun and exciting at the moment. (How? Don't SAY this, SHOW this. IE: I really enjoy hiking, and when I went cliff diving/skydiving/bungee jumping/shark hunting/whatever, this really hilarious thing happened, and then go into a short story to PROVE that you're fun and exciting) If something special comes along, i'll be open to it. (I would re-write this and work it in..like in your short story, at the end..you could end with something like [the truth, always], and then I scraped my knee, but I had such a great time that the knee thing didn't even matter. I guess if you're the type of girl that's nurturing and can handle a little scrape but doesn't mind a guy that's adventurous and is bound to get minor injuries from all these activities, we'd hit it off. You can apply for the position of my nurse by responding to my profile. )

I stand on my own feet (and) my main characteristics are a great sense of humor, wittyness and carelessness (again, show these things. Be funny, be charming, show that you're free-spirited...I wouldn't use [carelessness] because it might convey that you're irresponsible) I know how to have a good time and i'm always looking to learn something new. (This is perfect!)

On a first date i'd do something like this:
I would ask you to wear something pretty, the restaurant is chosen of course. At the doorstep of the restaurant i suddenly decide that a smoking hot tango dance is more fun. But you keep stepping on my best shoes! As the night progresses you notice that you can't resist my charming personality and we end up in your place... to order me a pair of new shoes! My toes hurt as well (Instead of "my toes hurt as well" I would maybe try something like "After all, my feet are killing me from all that great dancing and blazing chemistry..And I sprecifically remember you telling me how great you are at giving massages)

This is the end of this text.

Just kidding! the end is here." (this is cute, I like it.)
/end

So let me know if any of this worked out. And thanks for posting this!

B

Those were some extremely helpful insights, thanks a dozen! i've added in those stories to prove my points. Well, took nearly all of the advice!

I'll keep you updated!

The new spiced up version is here. B, some of your lines were so great, i had to put them in almost word by word! Added in a couple of stories, all true btw. This will help me be congruent.

"Watch out! I will hypnotize thee... You will answer this ad! Why? Read on!

I'm not particularly looking for anything. Or wait a second... Now that I think about it i could use someone to brush up my cuddling skills. Did you know that when close friends give each other a hug, it's always heart against heart?

wow, last summer must have been one of the best. I'll tell ya: in about mid-august me and a bunch of my best friends were going to a summer cottage. We arrive there late on a friday night, it's getting dark. Task 1: fire up the sauna! Task 2: Food. Task 3: Couple of cold beers needed. When we finally escape into the hot sauna, it's pitch black outside. I learned that there's no better way to make an epic athmosphere than with some oil lanterns. These lanterns lit the way from the sauna to the lake. In the sauna, the hot air makes one crouch. The water in the lake is warm even though it's night time. Above as, a crystal clear night sky... and from time to time a shooting star goes across the dark sky.

Something else happened during that trip. One of my ribs snapped. Waterskiing was a bit too much for it i'm afraid. Vacancy: A nurse, apply below.

My friends would describe me as fun, witty, positive and outgoing. I know how to have a great time and i always want to learn something new.

On our first date i'd do something like this:
I would ask you to wear something pretty, the restaurant is chosen of course. At the doorstep of the restaurant i suddenly decide that a smoking hot tango dance is more fun. But you keep stepping on my best shoes! As the night progresses you notice that you can't resist my charming personality and we end up in your place... to order me a pair of new shoes! But i'll forgive you that one. There was a special kind of electricity and chemistry in the air. And I think you mentioned something about your great massaging skills?

This is the end of this text.

Just kidding! the end is here."

What do you think? It's definately a lot better now, imo.

J! OMG! THIS is amazing, bro! I almost want to steal it! It has charm, wit, humor, confidence...Who WOULDN'T want to respond to this?
You did it. Wow.
Very impressive and I'm glad that you were able to take my advice constructively. Props!